We left on that note, and I went outside to sit on the curb and wait for Marcus. I stared at the envelope, looking at the way Adrian had written my name. Three times I nearly opened it . . . but chickened out each time. Finally, I saw Marcus drive in, and the envelope disappeared into my purse.
As soon as he picked me up, he began talking excitedly about the big plans ahead. I barely heard. All I kept thinking about was Adrian and how empty my life was going to seem without him. Marcus and I were meeting Wade and Amelia at the train station, but I couldn't picture any of them understanding me like Adrian - even if they were human and shared the same background. None of them would have his dry wit or uncanny insight. And simmering beneath all those emotions were the more heated memories . . . the way we'd kissed, the way it had felt to be wrapped up in him. . . .
"Sydney? Are you even paying attention?"
I blinked and glanced over at Marcus. I think it was another of those moments where he couldn't believe someone wasn't hanging on to his every word. "Sorry," I said. "My mind's somewhere else."
He grinned. "Well, shift it to beaches and margaritas because your life's about to change."
It was always beaches and margaritas with him. "You left out the part about us sealing the tattoo. Unless your tattooist is also a bartender."
"There you go again, funny and beautiful." He laughed. "We're going to have a great time."
"How long will we be down there?"
"Well, we'll take care of the tattoos first. That's the most important thing." I was relieved to see him taking that seriously. "Then we'll lie low, enjoy the sights for a few weeks. After that, we'll come back and follow some leads on other dissatisfied Alchemists."
"And then you'll repeat the process?" I asked. In the rear-view mirror, I could see the Palm Springs skyline disappearing as we drove north. I felt a pang of longing in my chest. "Get others to retrieve critical information and then free them?"
"Exactly."
We drove in silence for another minute as I processed his words. "Marcus, what do you do with that information you gather? I mean, what are you going to do about Master Jameson?"
"Keep finding more evidence," he said promptly. "This is the biggest lead we've ever had. Now we can really push forward in finding out more."
"It's more than a lead. Why not leak it to the Moroi?"
"The Alchemists would deny it. Besides, we don't want to be hasty."
"So what if they do deny it?" I demanded. "At least the Moroi will have a heads-up."
He glanced over at me with a look that reminded me of a parent trying to be patient with a child. Ahead of us, I saw a sign for the train station. "Sydney, I know you're eager, but trust me. This is the way we've always done things."
"I don't know that it's the right way, though."
"You have a lot of ideas for someone who just joined up." He chuckled. I wished he'd stop doing that. "Just wait, and then you'll understand."
I didn't like his condescending attitude. "I think I already understand. And you know what? I don't think you guys do anything. I mean, you've uncovered some amazing information . . . but then what? You keep waiting. You run away and skulk around. How is this really helping? Your intentions are good . . . but that's all they are." I could almost hear Jill's voice: They talk. You act.
Ironically, Marcus was speechless.
"You could do so much," I continued. "When I first found out about you, you seemed to hold all the potential in the world. Technically, you still do. But it's being wasted." He pulled into the train station's parking lot, still looking utterly stunned.
"Where the hell is this coming from?" he asked at last.
"Me," I said. "Because I'm not like you guys. I can't do nothing. I can't run away. And . . . I can't go with you."
It felt good to say that . . . and it also felt right. All week, my brain had been telling me the right thing to do was to walk away before things with Adrian and the Alchemists blew up. And yes, that probably was the smart thing. My heart had never entirely been on board, but I'd tried to ignore it. It wasn't until I'd listened to both Jill and Marcus that I realized just this once, my brain might have to opt for the less logical solution.
I had to give Marcus credit. He actually looked concerned and wasn't just put out at not getting his way. "Sydney I know how attached you are to this place and these people, but it's not safe for you here. It's not safe for you anywhere, not as long as the Alchemists are watching. Not as long as your tattoo is vulnerable."
"Someone told me any life worth living has risks," I said, unable to hide a smile. I never thought I'd be quoting Jill.
Marcus slammed his fist against the dashboard. "That's sentimental bullshit! It sounds good in theory, but the reality is completely different."
"What kind of reality could you have created if you'd stayed with the Alchemists?" I asked. "How much could you have uncovered?"