"You're going to avoid ever being alone with me again?"
"I'm going to avoid you, period." I took a deep breath. "I'm going to go with Marcus to Mexico."
"What?" Adrian jumped up and strode over to me. I immediately backed up. "What happened to you working undercover?"
"That only works if I can stay undercover! You think I can pull that off if I'm sneaking around with you?"
"You're with me half the time already!" I couldn't tell if he was angry or not, but he was clearly upset. "Nobody notices. We'll be careful."
"All it takes is one slipup," I said. "And I don't know if I can trust myself anymore. I can't risk the Alchemists finding out about you and me. I can't risk exposing Jill to what we'd do together. They'll send another Alchemist to look after her, and hopefully Stanton will take precautions against the Warriors."
"Jill knows I can't put my life on hold."
"You should," I snapped.
Now he was angry. "Well, you'd know all about that since you're an expert in denying yourself the things you want. And now you're going to leave the country to make sure you can deprive yourself even more."
"Yes, exactly." I walked over to the callistana and spoke the incantation that turned him back into his inert form. I put the crystal into my purse and summoned all my will to give Adrian the coldest look I could manage. It must have been a powerful one because he looked as though I'd slapped him. Seeing that pain on his face made my heart break. I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want to leave him! But what choice did I have? There was too much at stake.
"This is done. I've made my choice, Adrian," I said. "I'm leaving this weekend, so please don't make it any more difficult than it has to be. I'd like us to be friends." The way I spoke made it sound like we were closing a business arrangement.
I walked toward the door, and Adrian hurried after me. I couldn't bear to face the agony in his eyes, and it took all my resolve not to avert my gaze. "Sydney, don't do this. You know it's wrong. Deep inside, you know it is."
I didn't answer. I couldn't answer. I walked away, forcing myself not to look back. I was too afraid my resolve would falter - and that was exactly why I needed to leave Palm Springs. I wasn't safe around him anymore. No one could be allowed to have that kind of power over me.
All I wanted to do after that was hide in my room and cry. For a week. But there was never any rest for me. It was always about others, with my feelings and dreams shoved off to the side. Consequently, I wasn't in the best position to give Eddie romantic advice when we met up that night. Fortunately, he was too caught up in his own emotions to notice mine.
"I should never have gotten involved with Angeline," he told me. We were at a coffee shop across town that was called Bean There, Done That. He'd ordered hot chocolate and had been stirring it for almost an hour.
"You didn't know," I said. It was hard maintaining my half of the conversation when I kept seeing the pain in Adrian's eyes. "You couldn't have known - especially with her. She's unpredictable."
"And that's why I shouldn't have done it." He finally set the spoon down on the table. "Relationships are dangerous enough without getting involved with someone like her. And I don't have time for that kind of distraction! I'm here for Jill, not me. I should never have let myself get caught up in this."
"There's nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone," I said diplomatically. Unless that person turns your world upside down and makes you lose all self-control.
"Maybe when I've retired, I'll have the time." I couldn't tell if he was serious or not. "But not right now. Jill's my priority."
I had no business playing matchmaker, but I had to try. "Have you ever thought about seriously being with Jill? I know you used to like her." And I was absolutely certain he still did.
"That's out of the question," he said fiercely. "And you know it. I can't think of her like that."
"She thinks about you like that." The words slipped out before I could stop them. After my own romantic disaster today, a part of me longed for at least someone to be happy. I didn't want anyone else hurting the way I did.
He froze. "She . . . no. There's no way."
"She does."
A whole range of emotions played through Eddie's eyes. Disbelief. Hope. Joy. And then . . . resignation. He picked up the spoon again and returned to his compulsive stirring.
"Sydney, you know I can't. You of all people know what it's like to have to focus on your work." This was the second time today someone had said "you of all people" to me. I guess everyone had a preconceived idea of who I was.
"You should at least think about it," I said. "Watch her the next time you're together. See how she reacts."