"That guy I know who used to be with the Warriors. We're still friendly, and he's been having doubts about them. He mentioned hearing them talk about finding a missing girl that could cause all sorts of trouble." Maybe it was wrong to drag Trey into this lie, but I seriously doubted Stanton would interrogate him anytime soon.
"And you assume this is Miss Dragomir?"
"Come on," I exclaimed. "Who else would it be? Do you know any other Moroi girls? Of course it's her!"
"Calm down, Miss Sage." Her voice was flat and untroubled. "There's no need for theatrics."
"There's a need for action! If they might be on to her, then we need to get out of Palm Springs immediately."
"That," she said crisply, "is not an option. A lot of planning went into getting her to her current location."
I didn't believe that argument for a second. Half our job was doing damage control and adapting to rapidly changing situations. "Yeah? Well, did you also plan on those psycho vampire hunters finding her?"
Stanton ignored the jab. "Do you have any evidence at all that the Warriors actually have concrete data about her? Did your friend supply you with details?"
"No," I admitted. "But we still need to do something."
"There's no 'we' here." Her voice had gone from flat to icy. "You do not decide what we do."
I nearly protested and then caught myself. Horror set in. What had I just done? My initial intent had been to either get Stanton to take legitimate action or else find out if she might accidentally reveal knowledge of a Warrior connection. I'd thought mentioning Trey would give me valid backup since I could hardly tell her the real reason I feared for Jill. Yet, somehow, I'd gone from a request to a demand. I'd practically yelled an order at her. That wasn't typical Sydney behavior. That wasn't typical Alchemist behavior. What had Wade said? You're leaving a trail of bread crumbs.
Was this because I'd broken the tattoo?
This was no crumb. This was a full loaf. I was on the verge of insubordination, and my mind could suddenly imagine that list Marcus kept warning about, the one that kept track of every suspicious thing I did. Was Stanton already updating that list right now?
I had to fix this, but how? How on earth did I take this back? My mind was racing frantically, and it took several moments for me to calm down and start thinking logically. The mission. Focus on the mission. Stanton would understand that.
"I'm sorry, ma'am," I said at last. Be calm. Be deferential. "I'm just . . . I'm just so worried about this mission. I saw my dad at the services, you know." That would be a fact she could check on. "You had to have seen how it was that night I left. How bad things are between us. I . . . I have to make him proud. If things fall apart here, he'll never forgive me."
She didn't respond, so I prayed that meant she was listening intently . . . and believing me.
"I want to do a good job here. I want to fulfill our goals and keep Jill hidden. But there have already been so many complications no one predicted - first Keith and then the Warriors. I just never feel like she's fully safe now, even with Eddie and Angeline. It eats at me. And - " I was no actress who could muster tears, but I did my best to make my voice crack. "And I never feel safe. I told you, when I asked to go to the services, how overwhelming it is with the Moroi. They're everywhere - and the dhampirs too. I eat with them. I'm in class with them. Being with other Alchemists this last weekend was a lifesaver. I mean, I'm not trying to dodge my duties, ma'am. I understand we have to make sacrifices. And I've gotten better around them, but sometimes the stress is just unbearable - and then when I heard this thing about the Warriors, I cracked. All I could think about was that I might fail. I'm sorry, ma'am. I shouldn't have flipped out on you. I was out of control, and it was unacceptable."
I cut off my rant and tensed as I waited for her response. Hopefully I'd given her enough to dismiss any thoughts of me being a dissident. Of course, I might have just come off as a totally weak and unstable Alchemist who needed to be pulled from this mission. If that happened . . . well, maybe I'd have to take Marcus up on Mexico.
Her characteristic pause was especially painful this time. "I see," she said. "Well, I'll take this all into consideration. This mission is of the utmost importance, believe me. My earlier questioning of your information was not some weakening of our resolve. Your concerns have been heard, and I will decide the best course of action."
It wasn't exactly what I wanted, but hopefully she would be true to her word. I really, really wanted to believe she was on the up-and-up. "Thank you, ma'am."
"Is there anything else, Miss Sage?"
"No, ma'am. And . . . and I'm sorry ma'am."
"Your apology is noted."
Click.