While they scrub scorch marks from the ceiling and floor, while they scour her blood from the stones, while they mop up the icy water and toss the burned mattress in the refuse pile. Bile rises from my stomach. I’m not sure I could ever sleep in that room. “Will we have a funeral?”
One of the few memories I have outside this temple is of the last Valtia’s funeral, her white body covered over with coppery gauze and bedecked with spring blooms. It was the day before I was found. My mother took me to the docks, where she lifted me in her arms so I could see between the shoulders of the other citizens who’d come to bid the queen farewell. The dead Valtia had looked perfect and unmarred. I remember thinking she would sit up and wave as they slid her boat into the waters of the Motherlake, as it silently carried her from our shore. I remember being horrified when tongues of fire raced up the sides of the pyre to devour her.
I remember screaming.
I also remember the new Valtia, my Valtia, standing on her paarit at the end of the main dock, her arms raised. At the time I didn’t know that she was the one who moved the boat into the deep waters, that she was responsible for the fire. I only knew it scared me.
“The elders will meet to discuss it,” says Kauko as we reach my wing. “There are complications.”
My stomach convulses again. Complications. Like the fact that she was torn and burned to pieces. She could not be a pretty, peaceful corpse. For all I know, she’s nothing but a soggy pile of ash. “Oh, stars,” I moan, doubling over to retch.
“Elli!” Mim calls down the hall. Her hands are on my waist a moment later, and she presses a dry cloth to my mouth.
Kauko clears his throat. “You are not to call her by that name ever again, handmaiden,” he says sternly. “She’s the Valtia now. Show respect.”
Mim steps back and bows low. “My Valtia.” Her voice reeks of tears. “Let me take you to your chamber.”
Kauko releases me. “We’ll come for you tomorrow.” He rubs his hand over his bald head and looks me over. “You’ll be better then.”
Mim raises her eyebrows as he turns his back and stalks toward the domed chamber. She leads me into my quarters. “Why did he say that?”
“I can’t, Mim. Just clean me off, please?” I whisper. It’s bad enough that I couldn’t light the flame. If I have to tell her about it, I’ll shatter into a million shards of sorrow and shame. My Valtia. I put my hand on my chest. Please don’t be disappointed.
While Mim bathes me, handling me like a living doll, I concentrate on finding the magic inside me. Is it in my gut? My heart? Deep inside my bones? Just behind my eyes? Why can’t I feel it? Why is it hiding from me? I expected it to come bubbling forth like a spring of icy water, to evaporate on my fingertips in a cloud of steam. I expected it to fill me to the brim, to make me what I always should have been, to be so thick and shimmering that I would feel nothing but confidence. But all I feel is . . . emptiness.
Mim tucks me into my bed and spreads extra blankets over me. “Tonight I’ll sleep at the foot of your bed instead of going to my room,” she says. “If you need a single thing, water, a cool cloth, a hot stone for your feet, just say my name. A mere whisper will draw me to your side.” She smooths my hair from my brow. “I know you weren’t eager for this day to come, my Valtia, but you were born for this. I’m proud to serve you.”
I am so lost and desperate for comfort that I almost ask her to lie next to me, to allow me to press my face to her neck and coil my arms around her. But I remember that moment on the balcony earlier, when I realized she only remained close because I commanded it. So I shut my eyes as she withdraws, readying myself for what comes next. Kauko warned me of the dreams, and with the way Mim is coddling me—even more than she usually coddles me—I suspect he warned her as well.
The breeze from the Motherlake slips through the open balcony door and cools my face. I dwell in the darkness, relaxing into it. In my silent sleep, I wait for the dreams that come with powerful magic.
They never arrive.
A warm hand caresses my cheek. “Valtia, the priests have summoned you.”
Valtia? My eyes flutter open. Sunbeams filter through the balcony doorway, filling my chamber with warm light. For a moment, I’m all confusion. What time is it? Is it harvest day? But as I sit up, the truth winds around me like a rope. My Valtia is gone, and I’m the queen now.
Mim gives me a half smile. “You slept like a stone. From what Kauko described, I thought you’d be thrashing all night!” She takes my hand and pulls back the blankets before helping me to stand up. “Though I suppose the strongest Valtia in all of history would weather such things with grace.” She grins. “As she always has.”
I force myself to smile back. I had no dreams. All I had was darkness as deep as the Motherlake, as empty as a cavern. “I am eager to learn the extent of my powers today.” I am ashamed at the quaver in my voice, but Mim merely nods.
“I have some information before you go, if you want it,” she says.