It was hard to describe, really. I’d had men look at me with interest before, but this was completely different. Sometimes, it was as though he could see me, all naked and raw in front of him, and other times it was as though he could see even further than that—into my soul.
I’d been on the point of saying it to him too. Like one night, when he’d put Dylan to sleep and I’d put on some brainless Netflix show just to have something to look at. It had been a long day and Dylan had been fussier than usual, but once Max sat down next to me and offered me a glass of wine, it was like my nerves were quelled and charged all at once.
“Who were you on the phone with?” he’d asked.
I blinked, remembering the phone call I’d taken while making dinner.
“Oh, my friend Lara. She wants to hang out this weekend.”
“You can invite her over, you know. This is your house too.”
I shook my head. “No, no, it’s fine. You and Dylan deserve some time alone without me in your hair.”
“You know, at first I thought you were talking to your mother.”
I laughed. “Lara would love that. Her greatest joy is bossing me around. No, my mom doesn’t pick up the phone much. She works for the CDC, and it keeps her pretty busy.”
“That’s gotta be tough, not hearing from her.” His eyes softened, and I blanched.
“It’s okay. I’ve got other things.” I looked at the TV, trying to focus on the show, but I knew his eyes were still on me, surveying me. I felt like he could read my mind, could feel my memories, and if I was honest, my hurt. With each conversation, I was feeling closer to him and more torn up inside about it.
But I couldn’t focus on all that. I had a good thing here, and I wasn’t about to blow it over a crush.
Why, oh why does it feel like so much more than a crush?
Some time away from Max was exactly what the doctor ordered so I could get my head on straight again. Lara would help me clear my head.
With a sigh, I looked around Dylan’s newly finished room. I’d painted a few stencils on the walls and set up all the new furniture. Beside her rocking chair was a record player with the Bob Dylan album hanging above it. Sometimes I’d play her a song in the middle of the day and rock her there. Other times, I sat in the chair and watched her paw through her brand-new toy chest. I had to admit, I’d done good with the room.
My hands on my hips, I nodded to myself and then headed down to the already bustling kitchen.
When I walked through the archway, I found Dylan in her high chair, halfway through demolishing her pile of pancake bits, and Max in a chair in front of her. He turned to face me, and his eyes sparked with something I couldn’t name.
Desire, maybe? I pushed the thought away.
“Dylan’s room is finally finished, and I’m going to head out.”
“Already? You can’t make us pancakes and then not have any yourself,” Max argued. “There’s still coffee too.”
“It’s okay. I’ve got an hour’s drive ahead of me, so I want to get on the road.”
“At least take some coffee with you in a thermos.” He motioned to the pot, but I shook my head.
“If you’re on your own with her all day, you might need that,” I said.
“You’re probably right.” He stood from his seat and walked toward me. Slowly, the clean, fresh scent of him took over my senses, and I held my breath to keep from getting dragged into the storm of wanting him. When he was only inches from me, I stiffened.
“Sorry, I just wanna get to the coffeepot,” he murmured.
I glanced beside me to see the pot and let out a little sigh of relief mixed with regret. “Oh, right.”
“Look, I know I’ve already said it, but thank you so much for taking care of Dylan’s room like that. I really appreciate it. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
His gaze trailed over me, and I felt that all-too-familiar heat creeping up the back of my neck, ready to flood my cheeks.
“No problem at all, really. Well, I better be off.”
I kissed Dylan good-bye and waved to Max, then scooped up my bag and rushed to my car.
When I was safe behind the wheel and on my way, I cranked up the radio and rolled down the windows, letting the warm early September air fill my lungs. Without Max around, I finally felt like I could breathe. Use this time to be myself without the eggshells and worries. Some time to reflect.
For the better part of the drive, though, all I could manage to do was reflect on him.
What was his deal? I knew that he was fond of his mother, had done well in school, had been friends with the same group of people for most of his adult life, but the one thing he never mentioned? Women.