“Har. That might have been the case a few months ago, but now the supreme ruler is Jamie, so she really shouldn’t be laughing at poor Dick.”
Jamie flushes pink and leans into him. “Aw, that’s so sweet.”
I suppose it is, in a weird way. Doesn’t stop me from wanting leave the table so I don’t have to watch them cuddle.
You had that, you moron. And you had to think about “things.”
It really sucks when your conscience starts to hate you.
“I would have whispered sweet dick jokes in your ear too,” Finn’s voice says in my head.
“I know you would have. You never could pass up an opportunity to talk about your junk.”
“Neither could you, Chester. I’m pretty sure you’re obsessed with my junk.”
It really, really sucks when you start having conversations with a man who isn’t there.
The waitress comes up to take our order. “We’re having a special on Guinness tonight. And the chef’s specialty of the evening is steak and kidney pie.”
“I’ll have a Harp and a pie,” I tell her.
“Guinness for me,” James says. “And the fish and chips.”
“I’ll have the pie too,” Jamie orders. “Oh, and a white wine.”
“What did I tell you?” Finn’s ghost whispers in my ear. “Women like to order white wine. Even when they’re in a pub.”
“Isn’t there a lamp you could go haunt?”
“I’m a quarterback, Chess, not a genie.”
“What’s that smile about?” James asks me, cutting into the ridiculous and probably unhealthy conversation going on in my head.
“The impending promise of hot food,” I lie.
He looks at me as if he knows better, but thankfully he doesn’t say anything.
Our drinks arrive and, while we wait for our food, a band comes out and begins to play. It’s a full Irish band, complete with a flute player, two fiddlers, and even an accordionist. And they’re good.
Soon, the bar is filled with lively music and people tapping along.
The singer is a young woman with curly hair and a voice like a pixie.
We eat our food as they play.
And it is almost perfect, soaking up good music and good food with good friends. I can see myself in the future, having more nights like this. I will have a good life. I know it. I can feel it in my bones. And a sense of peace comes over me. I’ll be okay.
No matter what I do, I’ll be okay. But is okay enough?
The band finishes a song and the singer accepts a pint of Guinness from a waitress. She takes a long drink before setting it down on a stool by her side. “I love the film Some Kind of Wonderful,” she says in the mic.
The crowd whistles their approval.
She nods, her curls bouncing. “The end is especially lovely. You remember it?”
As one, we all shout, “You look good wearing my future!”
Laughter rings through the small space.
“Aye, so romantic.” The singer grabs her tambourine. “We’re going to play a little homage to Some Kind of Wonderful and Lick the Tins, who did a brilliant cover for the flick.”
I’m smiling, but a niggling feeling begins to start up around the edges of my heart.
The band begins to play a lively, Celtic version of “Can’t Help Falling,” and my heart clenches. Oh, God, I truly am haunted.
Around me, people start to sing along, an utter wall of sound rolling over me, insisting that some things were meant to be. And I can’t stand it. I can’t stand that Finn isn’t right here with me, laughing in my ear, demanding that I take his hand, that we could be fools together.
He’s been doing that since the beginning. He’s known. He’s been trying to tell me what we were to each other all along. I just hadn’t listened. He might be stubborn, and his refusal to give in a little still pisses me off. But he is mine.
A sob breaks free. And I’m stuck between laughter and crying.
James looks at me sharply. “What’s wrong?”
“The song. Elvis. He’s everywhere.”
James frowns, leaning in so we can talk over the ribald singing. “And that makes you cry?”
I shake my head, tears running down my face. “I love him.”
“Elvis?” Jamie asks, confused.
“Finn. I love Finn. Doesn’t matter where I go…” I lift my hands helplessly toward the band. “He’s my fate.”
James smiles softly. “Your perfectly imperfect.”
“I have to tell him.”
“You will.” James reaches across the table and puts his hand on my trembling one. “Do you want to step out and call him?”
“He’s playing a game right now.” I wipe my cheeks. “I should do it in person.”
“Okay.” James gives me a squeeze. “We’ll get you home as soon as we can.”
Home. I need to go home. The heat of the room and the sound of the band press in on me.
“I have to get out of here,” I tell James. “I can’t breathe. I need to see Finn. I have to…”
“It’s all right,” James says. “Don’t panic.”
My fingers are clumsy as I fish my wallet out of my purse and pull out some bills. “I’m going to take a walk.”
James grabs my wrist. “You’re not going out alone.”
“I grew up in this city, James. I’ll be okay.”
“Doesn’t matter,” he insists. “We’re coming with you.”
He tosses some more money onto the table then sets his empty glass on the pile to secure it. But I can’t wait any longer; I’m halfway across the room by the time James and Jamie catch up to me.
I stumble outside and draw in a deep breath of icy air. It burns going down but I suck in another breath. James and Jamie stand beside me.
“You all right?” Jamie asks, resting a hand on my arm.
“Yeah.” I give her a weak smile. “Sorry for the drama.”
Beneath the lenses of her glasses, her eyes crinkle at the corners. “It’s pretty emotional, falling in love.”
“I shouldn’t have left him. I should have stayed.”
James pulls out a cigarette and lights it. “If leaving meant you finally realized without a doubt that he’s the one, then don’t punish yourself for it.” He takes a drag then lets out a puff of smoke. “Consider it time well spent.”