“She’s a baby. She’ll adjust.”
“Exactly. She’s a baby,” Ash said. They stared at each other for a few seconds without talking and I wondered if this was the time to sneak out, but we just stayed frozen where we were.
“You can’t just make these decisions without me,” Jimmy said, and I realized that Ash had never told him she wasn’t planning to take Viv, that he hadn’t known until Beverly showed up at the house.
“I can’t make these decisions without you? Why not? I do everything else without you. Do you know how hard it is to care for a baby out of a hotel room? No, you don’t, because I do it all.”
“You’re her mother,” Jimmy said. “Isn’t that your job?”
Ash turned then and walked up the stairs and Beverly followed quickly behind. Jimmy still hadn’t acknowledged us—honestly, it was like he didn’t see us—and he stood there, shaking his head. Finally, he said softly, “Jesus fucking Christ,” and went up the stairs after them.
I couldn’t believe what I’d just seen, the way that Jimmy talked to Ash in front of Beverly. I was also shocked that Ash hadn’t told Jimmy about her plans to leave Viv at home. While I knew the two of them weren’t exactly communicating in a great way these days, there was no chance it was an accident. She must’ve known he’d argue, that it would be easier to wait until the last second to deal with it.
We were still standing in the doorway, our bags at our feet, and Matt was looking down at his BlackBerry. I knew he was purposely not meeting my eyes, that he could feel me staring at him but was pretending he didn’t notice, and I felt anger rise in my throat. “Matt,” I said, sharply.
“What?” he asked, giving me a blank expression. It might have seemed like it wasn’t such a big deal, Matt’s refusal to look at me, but it was. We used to be a couple who could have whole conversations without speaking—just one look could’ve conveyed how we both felt about witnessing this fight, how uncomfortable it would make our trip. And now Matt was ignoring me, finding one more way to shut me out.
“You’re ridiculous,” I said, placing my bag by the door and walking out of the room.
“What?” he said, having the gall to sound surprised. “What did I do?”
—
By the time the four of us got in the car, no one was talking. I never got the full story of how the Viv situation was resolved, but Beverly left with her and we resumed getting ready for the trip. Jimmy loaded our bags as the rest of us did last-minute things, grabbed bottles of water and phone chargers, went to the bathroom one more time.
As we pulled out of the driveway, everyone was silent. Jimmy was driving, Matt sat shotgun, and Ash and I were in the second row. I wished that Viv were there, just so I’d have a reason to sit in the way back, to be as far away from everyone as possible. Ash wasn’t mad at me—or at least I didn’t think she was—but both of us were ignoring each other; she was looking at her phone and I stared out the window, imagining what would happen if I just jumped out of the car and ran back to the house. Would they even try to stop me? Would anyone be surprised?
We pulled onto the expressway, and I closed my eyes and said a makeshift prayer, asking whoever was listening to please let us make it through this week unscathed; or at least, no worse off than we were now.
—
It was Jimmy who spoke first, about an hour into the drive, when he asked if anyone was hungry and wanted to stop at Chick-fil-A. “I could eat,” Matt said, and Ash and I echoed him. Jimmy pulled off the expressway and went right to the drive-thru window. Usually, we only ate in the car if we were trying to get somewhere quickly, but I guess he knew we weren’t interested in sitting around a table and staring at each other. Jimmy placed the order and pulled up to the pickup window. None of us spoke as we waited. Once we got our order, Matt took charge and handed everyone their food, parceling out fries and milk shakes and chicken sandwiches.