‘Martha. Alice. Whatever the fuck you want to call her. I was scared what she would do.’
The door opening brings a halt to our conversation and the nurse comes in. ‘I thought I heard voices,’ she says. ‘How are you?’ She comes over and unhooks the blood-pressure sleeve from somewhere behind the head of my bed. ‘I’ll do some checks while I’m here.’
‘I’ll go down to Hannah,’ says Luke, getting up. ‘I don’t want her to wake up and find herself all alone. I stayed with her until she went to sleep last night.’
‘Okay.’ I can’t begrudge him that. Hannah’s needs are greater than mine. ‘Tell her I love her,’ I say. ‘Maybe they’ll let me come and see her.’
‘Not the state you’re in,’ says Luke, harshly, and then his face softens. ‘We’ll see what the doctors say once they’ve done their rounds in the morning. They’re talking about letting her go home, if everything’s okay. I’m not sure about you, though.’ He looks up at the nurse.
‘It’s up to the doctor,’ she says. ‘Sorry.’
‘I’ll come and see you once I know what’s going on,’ says Luke. He pauses and I think he’s going to kiss me, but he changes his mind and squeezes my hand instead. ‘See you later.’
‘Don’t forget my bag,’ I call after him. He acknowledges with a raise of his hand as he walks out the door. I can’t help wondering if he’s going to call in to see Martha on the way. Does she mean something to him? Do I mean less? I don’t know, but there’s a void between us, one that neither of us knows how to fill. I’m not sure what’s gone missing, but something has.
I spend the next few hours drifting in and out of sleep until the breakfast tray is brought round. I’m not particularly hungry and poke at the cornflakes in the bowl and eat half a banana. I’m more grateful for the cup of tea that follows. I put the TV on and wonder when Luke will come to see me. I’m anxious for news on Hannah and really want to see her, although I’m also aware that seeing me all bandaged up in a hospital bed could be frightening for her. If only I had my phone with me I could at least then make some calls. Pippa would be first on my list, just to check how Chloe is, and secondly, to see if she’ll believe me when I say it wasn’t me who has vandalised her car.
No doubt the police will be back at some time today to question me about both Pippa’s car and the accident. I don’t know how I’m going to account for the speed at which I went through the gates to the house. If only I’d slowed down, none of this would have happened.
I think back to events and wonder what Leonard was doing there at that time in the morning. And what were Martha and Hannah doing down by the gates anyway? Then I remember the text messages warning me off. Jesus, did Martha take Hannah down there on purpose to carry out the threat? But then, why would she jump out in front of the car herself and, from what I can remember, she was trying to get Hannah out of the way? I then remember the phone call with Martha. It’s not me you need to be frightened of.
I catch my breath as a possible scenario plays out in my mind. Martha and Hannah might have been pushed in front of the car. Who would do that? Who would purposefully put a child’s life in danger? Attempted murder, nothing short of it.
I need to speak to Martha.
‘Clare, darling, you’re awake.’ My mother strides in through the doors and is hugging me before I even have a chance to say hello. ‘How are you? I came down to see you in the night, but you were sleeping. The nurse told me you would be okay.’
‘Yeah, I’m fine. Apart from this.’ I give a nod towards the cast on my arm. Then I look up at my mother. ‘I didn’t do it on purpose, Mum. It was an accident. You do believe me, don’t you?’
‘Of course, I do,’ says Mum. I see the pain in her eyes. ‘I just can’t understand why you were driving like that.’
I think about explaining that I was frightened for everyone’s safety. Frightened of what Martha would do, but I stop myself. If Luke doesn’t believe me, there’s even less chance Mum will. ‘I don’t know,’ I say feebly. ‘How’s Alice?’
Mum perches on the edge of the bed and holds my hand. ‘Not good,’ she says. She’s dosed up with morphine at the moment.’
‘She’s not unconscious or anything like that?’
‘Drifting in and out of a heavy sleep, the doctor says. She hasn’t said anything, though when she wakes up it’s like she’s only half awake. I don’t know …’ Mum’s voice cracks a fraction. ‘I don’t know if she even understands what we’re saying. She just looks at us and then looks away.’
‘It’s probably just the morphine,’ I say, wanting to comfort my mum. ‘What have the doctors said about any long-term prognosis?’
‘The brain’s a wonderful thing and sometimes just needs a bit of recovery time. They’re monitoring her closely.’ This time Mum’s eyes fill with tears and she dabs at them with a hanky she produces from her sleeve.
‘What were Alice and Hannah doing down by the gate?’ I ask tentatively.
‘I don’t know. I thought she was in the living room talking to Leonard.’