‘Alice didn’t mind staying behind?’
‘No. It was her home; she wanted to stay. I must admit, I wasn’t sure about leaving her. It didn’t seem right. We used to be very close,’ continues Roma as she fiddles with the edge of her napkin. ‘I can remember the first time I saw Alice. She was only young and like a little mouse, so quiet and so timid. Those big blue eyes of hers, staring up at me. She looked so sad and so lost, my heart just melted. I knew there would be a whole lot of healing to be done, a heart to mend, and I did manage that to a certain extent, but Alice was such a quiet thing, you never really knew what she was thinking. She had this aura of deep sadness. She never had many friends growing up, until she was older and she became friends with Martha.’ The tone in Roma’s voice hardens.
‘You don’t sound like you approve too much of Martha,’ I want to keep Roma talking. I still need to find things out.
Roma purses her lips. ‘She came with a lot of baggage. And I don’t mean the Gucci kind.’
‘In what way?’ I say.
‘She had a tough upbringing, which I know is not that unusual. Lots of kids have it tough. It’s just that some come out of it good and some not so good. Martha being the latter. I could see it a mile off and I tried to warn Patrick about her,’ explains Roma. ‘I didn’t like the way Martha ingratiated herself into the family so quickly and so easily. I tried to say something to Alice as well but neither she nor her father could see it. Martha was a very manipulative person. Dangerous, even. She practically imprinted herself on Alice. Almost became her doppelg?nger. It was creepy.’ She stops and gives a shake of her head.
‘You have a son, Nathaniel,’ I say.
‘How did you know that?’
‘From Alice’s letter to my mum. Has he not heard from Alice at all?’ I may be stepping on dangerous ground here, but I have to ask the question.
‘No. He tried to contact her on social media but she’s closed her accounts.’
‘She had social media? Like Facebook and Twitter?’
‘Well, yeah, I’m pretty sure she did have Facebook. In fact, I’m certain. I remember Nathaniel showing me some pictures of her on it.’
‘Has she had Facebook a long time?’
Roma shrugs. ‘I don’t know. Probably about four years, when she went to college. I don’t think she had it before. Like I said, she’s a quiet thing, especially when she was younger and didn’t have that many friends.’
‘It wasn’t because she was banned from using it, I mean, her father never said she couldn’t have Facebook? You know what some parents are like,’ I add, to make light of the question so as not to arouse Roma’s suspicion.
‘No. It was never banned,’ says Roma. ‘As I say, Nathaniel had it and Patrick and I treated the children equally. We were, in our eyes, one family, not two blended together.’ She reaches over and squeezes my hand. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you when I said that. I know Alice is your family too.’
‘It’s okay.’ I smile away the comment, to hide the small pang of hurt. I cannot understand why my father was happy to split the family up in such a divisive way. ‘Did Patrick ever talk about me?’ It’s such a difficult question to ask, but somehow I feel I need to know. I need to know if my feelings, or non-feelings, towards him are justified.
I can tell by the look on Roma’s face what the answer is. She doesn’t need to say a word. Her face is etched with embarrassment and sympathy. She’s still holding my hand and when she speaks her voice is gentle. ‘He never spoke about England much. When I first met him, he said he had split up from his wife.’
‘He didn’t say he’d left his other daughter behind?’
Roma looks uncomfortable and averts her gaze. She looks out of the window, her lips pushed together. She takes a deep breath and looks back at me, placing her other hand on top of mine.
‘Please tell me,’ I say. ‘I need to know.’
‘I don’t wanna upset you, Clare, you seem like a nice young woman.’
‘It’s okay. I’m pretty tough. I can handle it, whatever it is.’ God, I hope I can.
Roma hesitates some more but then gives a slight nod, as if she’s come to a decision. ‘Okay. Patrick said he left his wife and her child.’
I pick over the words. ‘Her child?’ Roma nods. ‘He didn’t acknowledge that I was his child also?’
‘You’re his child too?’ Roma frowns.
‘Yes. Patrick Kendrick was my father. My biological father.’