Alice returns the smile and drops her hand away from Luke’s arm. ‘That was just totally awesome, Clare,’ she says as they near me. ‘I have never been on anything like that before. You should have come.’
‘I have done it once before with Luke,’ I say. I move the buggy into his path. ‘Here, you push.’ I tell myself it’s because Chloe likes it when Luke pushes her. I slip my arm through Alice’s as we walk along the seafront, the wind whipping our hair around our faces.
Alice scoops her hair to one side and gives a shiver. ‘Much as I love being here, I do miss the Florida sunshine.’
I laugh. ‘By British weather standards, this is good for mid-October. You’ll have to get used to it.’
‘I should have brought some more suitable clothing.’
‘I can lend you a jumper or two,’ I say. ‘We’re pretty much the same size.’
‘Like twins,’ says Alice.
‘When you were little you always wanted to dress up in my clothes,’ I say, thinking back. The recent memory of the mushroom incident comes to mind again. ‘Do you remember when we had a teddy bear’s picnic in the back garden and you were sick all down a pink-and-white-striped t-shirt of mine you were wearing?’
‘Yes, I do!’ says Alice. ‘The T-shirt was more like a dress on me.’
‘That’s right, we put a belt around the middle. And all the sick got caught in the buckle. It was disgusting.’
‘I ate way too much candy that day,’ says Alice.
‘Candy? No, it was mushrooms. I gave you mushrooms and they made you sick.’
‘Oh, really? Sorry, it was a long time ago.’
‘You wouldn’t eat mushrooms after that and Mum couldn’t understand it. She thought it was the berries that had made you sick.’ I really want Alice to remember. It’s one of my strongest memories from our childhood; a secret we had shared and kept. ‘Don’t you remember at all?’ I persisted. ‘And what about now – do you eat mushrooms now?’ This time I find myself willing Alice to say she hates mushrooms, at least that will substantiate my memory and even if she doesn’t recall the incident, it will give some sort of validation.
‘Sorry, but I do like mushrooms. Don’t beat yourself up about it, Clare, it obviously didn’t cause me any lasting psychological damage. And, just to prove there’s no hard feelings, I’ll buy you a new T-shirt.’ Alice gives a laugh and hugs my arm closer to her, which I know would normally be a natural gesture between sisters, somehow feels awkward – almost too intimate.
We carry on our walk along the pier as I muse over how different people can have the same experience and yet totally different memories. I’d hoped Alice and I would have at least one or two shared memories, something to bond over, to give us a starting block on which to rebuild our sisterhood. While it makes me sad to think we haven’t found that yet, and despite what I said to Mum about Alice being too young to remember things, I can’t help wondering if there is anything she does remember. Surely there’d be something, wouldn’t there?
That evening, when we go up to bed, I clamber in next to Luke and snuggle up to him. ‘That was a lovely day,’ I say, ignoring the green-eyed monster that was never far away.
Luke wriggles down in the bed and cuddles me. ‘It was,’ he says. ‘Is everything okay, Babe?’
‘Yes, of course.’
‘Sure?’
‘Absolutely.’ I’m certain Luke knows I’m not exactly telling the truth. He can read me like a book. He says he can tell as soon as I walk into the room what sort of mood I’m in. To be fair, I can usually tell with him too. I suppose it’s because we’ve known each other for so long.
‘You okay with Alice being here?’ he asks.
‘Yeah. It will be fine. Just feels a bit odd,’ I confess.
‘How do you mean?’
I blow out a long breath. ‘I don’t know. A bit awkward, maybe. Not how I thought it would.’
‘Which was?’
‘More of a connection, I suppose. She’s Alice. She’s my sister, but the vibe is missing. I can’t feel it.’
‘Give it time and don’t overthink it. You know what you’re like,’ says Luke. ‘It must be strange for her too. Give her a chance.’
I raise my eyebrows at him. ‘So, I take it you like her, then?’ And there it is, the jealous streak I never knew I had. I can’t help myself.
Luke rolls onto his back. ‘She’s a nice girl,’ he says, cocking his head to one side. ‘It must run in the family.’
I prop myself up on my elbow. ‘Nice?’ I say. ‘What does “nice” mean? Nice in what way?’
Luke looks out the corner of his eye at me. ‘Not jealous, are you?’ There’s a note of amusement in his voice.
‘Me? Jealous? Why would you think that?’
Luke grins and bundles me onto my back, climbing on top of me, his leg astride, and kisses me. ‘Don’t worry, Babe, you know I have eyes for you and you alone.’
‘I’m not jealous.’
‘The lady doth protest too much, methinks.’ He smothers my reply with kisses.
Chapter 9