“He might have a very different view of you when he hears that you seduced Elizabeth Woodbead. Aren’t he and Max close friends after all?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Maude. Whoever heard of a barrister and a solicitor who felt any emotion other than mutual loathing? And Elizabeth didn’t need seducing. If anything, she was the predator when it came to our little affaire de coeur. She pursued me like a lion on the trail of an impala.”
“I find that hard to believe,” said Maude.
“I’m a handsome, powerful man, with a well-earned reputation in this town as a formidable lover. Women love that sort of thing.”
“What you know about women,” replied Maude, “could be written in large font on the back of a postage stamp and there’d still be room for the Lord’s Prayer. For all your great flirtations and seductions, for all your tarts, whores, girlfriends and wives, you’ve really learned nothing about us over the years, have you?”
“What is there to learn?” he asked, possibly just trying to annoy her now that she was pouring scorn on his masculinity. “It’s not as if these are particularly complex creatures that we’re talking about. Unlike dolphins, for example. Or St. Bernard dogs.”
“My God, you’re insufferable.”
“And yet you married me and have remained my steadfast companion and helpmeet throughout the years,” he replied, a rare touch of irritation in his voice. Usually he laughed off any slights that came his way, so assured was he in his superior status, but not tonight. Perhaps he too was becoming nervous about what lay ahead. “The qualities that you claim to find insufferable are the very ones that have kept you with me for ten years.”
“Max will be around at Godfrey’s right now,” she said, choosing to ignore this observation, “telling him the whole story. And if he has a wife of his own, he will most likely take Max’s side.”
“Godfrey doesn’t have a wife,” said Charles, shaking his head. “He’s not the marrying kind.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, he’s one of them, isn’t he?” he replied. “A queer. A Nancy-boy. But he’s damn good at his job all the same, despite all that. One thinks that these fellows can only be useful as hairdressers or flower arrangers but I’ve never seen a more dedicated or hard-nosed advocate than Godfrey. He almost never loses, which is why I hired him.”
There was a long silence before Maude spoke again. “Does anyone know?” she asked.
“Know what?”
“About Godfrey. That he’s a friend of Mrs. King’s?”
“It’s an open secret around the law library. Obviously he can’t do anything about it, poor fellow. It is a criminal offense after all.”
“Disgusting,” said Maude.
“What’s disgusting?”
“The idea of it.”
Charles laughed. “Don’t be such a prude,” he said.
“It’s not prudish to know what’s natural and what isn’t.”
“Natural?” asked Charles. “Didn’t you tell me once that you’d developed similar feelings for some girl you knew from one of your literary societies?”
“Nonsense,” said Maude. “You’re fantasizing now.”
“No, I’m not. I remember it distinctly. You told me that you’d had a dream about her where you were picnicking together by a river and the sun was out and she suggested that you both take your clothes off and go for a swim and afterward, as you lay naked on the bank together, you turned to her and—”
“Oh do shut up, Charles,” she snapped.
“Sapphic love,” he said cheerfully.
“Absolutely ridiculous.”
“A trip across the water to the island of Lesbos.”
“You’re making this up,” she said, raising her voice.
“I am not,” he replied. “And you know very well that I’m not.”
“What do dreams mean anyway? They’re just a lot of silly nonsense.”
“Or wish fulfillment. The subconscious representation of our true desires.”
“You’re a fool to say that.”
“I didn’t say it. Sigmund Freud did.”
“Yes, well he also said that the Irish were the one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever. So please don’t try to uncover my inner thoughts. You won’t be able. What are you trying to suggest anyway?”
“Nothing at all, my dear. Only that if I have gone looking for physical affection elsewhere, you can’t really blame me for it, can you? It’s not as if it’s something you’ve shown much interest in since that afternoon at the Gresham all those years ago.”
“If I haven’t, perhaps it’s because I know the kind of man you are. You’ve always had an affinity for deviants, haven’t you? And for peculiar sexual practices. I mean that thing you wanted to do with the tires and the garden hose that time. I still shudder when I think of it.”
“You might have enjoyed it if you’d given it a go. Anyway, I think it’s a little hypocritical of Max to be so outraged. It’s not as if he’s been faithful to Elizabeth himself. The man is even worse than I am. The only difference is that he can’t help but feel jealous, whereas that’s an emotion that holds no interest for me at all. He can stick it wherever he likes, as far as he’s concerned, but God forbid that Elizabeth should seek a little variety.”
“That’s hardly the point,” said Maude. “Elizabeth’s a friend of mine.”
“My dear, don’t be ridiculous. You don’t have any friends.”
“An acquaintance then.”
“You’re worrying over nothing, I promise you. Max will wake up tomorrow and feel like an ass for behaving in such a boorish fashion. He’ll be over here first thing in the morning, apologizing before court is even in session.”
“If you think that, then you’re more of a fool than I took you for.”
I couldn’t listen to anymore of the argument and went up to my bedroom at the top of the house, closing the door behind me, and opened my mouth wide as I looked in the mirror, shining a torch into my throat to assure myself that I didn’t actually have cancer. Nothing in there seemed any different from usual.
It was hard to know how the four jurors would respond to the scene they had witnessed. Once the fight had begun, Masterson and Turpin had jumped to their feet to cheer Charles and Max on, like children excited by a playground brawl, shouting advice to the combatants regarding how they should take their man down. Wilbert had taken his glasses off and made a half-hearted attempt to separate the two men, receiving a bloody nose for his troubles that caused him to burst into tears and retire to a corner of the room where he sat with his head in his hands declaring that his mother would not be happy when he returned home. Mrs. Hennessy had risen from the table and left the room with quiet dignity. I had run out after her, wondering whether she was going to call the police, but instead she had simply reached for her hat and coat from the hallstand before turning around and noticing me standing there.