“I got him a new one.”
Charlie looked down at the floor. She tried not to think about Ben at the pet store looking for a toy for their dog without her. Or with someone else. “I wonder if the person who leaked the bad timeline to the news did it for the attention or did it to throw off the press.”
“Dickerson County is looking at the security footage from the hospital.”
Charlie couldn’t see the connection. “Great.”
“Whoever slashed your dad’s tires was probably some idiot acting out, but they’re taking it seriously.”
“Asshole,” Charlie muttered, because Rusty had lied about why he needed a lift.
Ben poked his head out of the closet. “What?”
“Nothing,” she said. “Someone spray-painted his house, too. They wrote ‘goat fucker.’ Or just ‘fucker’ because the goat was already there.”
“I saw the ‘goat’ last weekend.”
“What were you doing at the HP last weekend?”
He stepped out of the closet with a file box in his hands. “I see your dad the last Sunday of every month. You know that.”
Rusty and Ben had always had a weird kind of friendship. They treated each other like contemporaries despite the age difference. “I didn’t realize you were still doing that.”
“Yeah, well.” He put the box on the bed. The mattress sagged from the weight. “I’ll update Keith about the ‘fucker.’” He meant Keith Coin, the chief of police and Ken Coin’s older brother. “He said he’d send someone around about the goat, but with what happened today …” His voice trailed off as he took the top off the box.
“Ben.” Charlie watched him search the files. “Do you feel like I never let you answer questions?”
“Aren’t you letting me answer one right now?”
She smiled. “I mean, because Dad did this convoluted thing with the car window, and—that part doesn’t matter. He basically said that you have to choose between being right and being happy. He said that was something Gamma told him she needed to decide before she died, whether she wanted to be right or happy.”
He looked up from the box. “I don’t understand why you can’t be both.”
“I guess if you’re right too many times, like you know too much, or you’re too smart and you let people know it …” She wasn’t sure how to explain. “Gamma knew the answer to a lot of things. To everything, actually.”
“So your dad said she would’ve been happier if she pretended she wasn’t as smart as she was?”
Charlie instinctively defended her father. “Gamma said it, not Dad.”
“That sounds like a problem with their marriage, not ours.” He rested his hand on the box. “Charlie, if you’re worried that you’re like your mom, that’s not a bad thing. From everything I’ve heard, she was an amazing person.”
He was so fucking decent it took her breath away. “You’re an amazing person.”
He gave a sharp, sarcastic laugh. She had tried this before, over-correcting her bitchiness, treating him like a toddler in need of a participation trophy.
She said, “I’m serious, Ben. You’re smart and funny and—” His surprised look cut off her praise. “What?”
“Are you crying?”
“Shit.” Charlie tried not to cry in front of anybody but Lenore. “I’m sorry. I’ve been doing this since I woke up.”
He was utterly still. “You mean since the school?”
Charlie smoothed together her lips. “Before that.”
“Do you even know who that guy is?”
She was sick of the question. “The whole point of being with a stranger is that they’re a stranger, and in a perfect world, you never have to see them again.”
“Good to know.” He pulled out a file and paged through it.
Charlie pushed herself up on her knees so she could look him in the eye. “It’s never happened before. Not once. Not even close.”
Ben shook his head.
“I never looked at another man when I was with you.”
He put the file back into the box and pulled out another one. “Did you come with him?”
“No,” she said, but that was a lie. “Yes, but I had to use my hand, and it was nothing. Like a sneeze.”
“A sneeze,” he repeated. “Great, now every time I sneeze, I’m going to think of you coming with fucking Batman.”
“I was lonely.”
“Lonely,” he echoed.
“What do you want me to say, Ben? I want you to make me come. I want to be with you.” She tried to touch his hand but he moved it away. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make this better. Just tell me.”
“You know what I want.”
The marriage counselor again. “We don’t need some frumpy licensed social worker with a bad haircut to tell me I’m the problem. I know I’m the problem. I’m trying to fix it.”
“You asked what I wanted and I told you.”
“What’s the point of picking apart something that happened thirty years ago?” Charlie sighed, exasperated. “I know I’m angry about it, Ben. I’m fucking furious. I don’t try to hide it. I don’t pretend it didn’t happen. If I was obsessed with it and wouldn’t shut up about it, she would say something was wrong with that, too.”
“You know that’s not what she said.”
“God, Ben, what’s the point of this? Do you still even want me?”
“Of course I do.” He looked anxious, like he wanted to take back his answer. “Why can’t you understand that part doesn’t matter?”
“It matters.” She moved closer to him. “I miss you, babe. Don’t you miss me?”
He shook his head again. “Charlie, that’s not going to fix things.”
“It might fix them a little.” She stroked back his hair. “I want you, Ben.”
He kept shaking his head, but he didn’t push her away.
“I’ll do whatever you want.” Charlie moved closer. Throwing herself at him was the only thing she hadn’t tried. “Tell me and I’ll do it.”
“Stop,” he said, but didn’t stop her.
“I want you.” She kissed his neck. The way his skin reacted to her mouth made Charlie want to cry. She kissed along his jaw, up to his ear. “I want to feel you inside of me.”
Ben let out a low groan as her hands moved down his chest.
She kept kissing him, licking him. “Let me go down on you.”
He inhaled a shaky breath.
“You can have whatever you want, babe. My mouth. My hands. My ass.”
“Chuck.” His voice was hoarse. “We can’t—”
She kissed him on the lips, and kept kissing him until he finally kissed her back. His mouth was like silk. The feel of his tongue sent a rush between her legs. Every nerve in her body was on fire. His hand went to her breast. He was getting hard, but Charlie reached down to make him harder.
Ben covered his hand over hers. At first, she thought he was helping her but then she realized he was stopping her.
“Oh, God.” She backed away quickly, jumping off the bed, standing with her back to the wall, embarrassed, humiliated, frantic. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Charlie—”
“No!” She held up her hands like a traffic cop. “If you say something now, then it’ll be the end, and it can’t be the end of things, Ben. That can’t happen. It’s too much after—”