Judith Pinkman pressed together her chapped lips. Her lined face looked windburned from crying. Her eyes were swollen. She cleared her throat. “Come in,” she told Charlie. “Come in.”
Charlie stepped into the kitchen. The room was cold, almost frigid. The strawberry theme was no more. Dark granite countertops. Stainless steel appliances. Eggshell white walls. No cheerful, dancing fruit bordering the ceiling.
“Sit down,” Judith said. “Please.”
There was a cell phone beside a glass of ice water on the table. Dark walnut, heavy matching chairs. Charlie sat on the opposite side. She put her own phone on the table, face down.
Judith asked, “Can I get you something?”
Charlie shook her head.
“I was going to have some tea.” Her eyes darted to the glass of water on the table. Still, she asked, “Would you like some?”
Charlie nodded.
Judith took the kettle off the stove. Stainless steel, like everything else. She filled it at the kitchen sink, saying, “I’m very sorry about your father.”
“I’m sorry about Mr. Pinkman.”
Judith glanced over her shoulder. She held Charlie’s gaze. The woman’s lips were trembling. Her eyes glistened, as if her tears were as constant as her sorrow. She turned off the faucet.
Charlie watched her return the kettle to the stove, turn the knob on the Wolf range. There were several clicks, then a whoosh as the gas ignited.
“So.” Judith hesitated, then sat down. “What brings you here today?”
“I wanted to check on you,” Charlie said. “I haven’t seen you since the whole thing with Kelly.”
Judith smoothed together her lips again. She clasped her hands on the table. “That must have been hard for you. I know it brought back some memories for me.”
Charlie said, “I want you to know how much I appreciate what you did for me that night. That you took care of me. Made me feel safe. That you lied for me.”
Judith’s lips were trembling when she smiled.
“That’s why I’m here,” Charlie told the woman. “I never talked about it when Daddy was alive.”
Her mouth opened. The tension drained from her eyes. She smiled kindly at Charlie. This was the caring, generous woman that Charlie remembered. “Of course, Charlotte. Of course. You can talk to me about anything.”
Charlie said, “Back then, Dad had this case, this rapist he represented, and the man got off, but the girl hanged herself in her family’s barn.”
“I remember that.”
“I’ve been wondering, do you think that’s why Dad wanted to keep it secret? Was he worried that I would do something like that?”
“I—” She shook her head. “I don’t know. I’m sorry I can’t answer you. I think that he had just lost his wife, and he thought his oldest daughter was dead, and he saw what happened to you and …” Her voice trailed off. “People say that God won’t give you more than you can handle, but sometimes, I don’t think that’s true. Do you?”
“I’m not sure.”
“The verse is in Corinthians. ‘God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with temptation, He will provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.’” She said, “It’s the second part that makes me wonder. How do you know the way of escape? It might be there, but what if you don’t recognize it?”
Charlie shook her head.
“I’m sorry,” Judith apologized. “I know your mother didn’t believe in God. She was too smart for that.”
Charlie knew that Gamma would have taken the observation as a compliment.
“She was so clever,” Judith said. “I was a bit afraid of her.”
“I think a lot of people were.”
“Well.” Judith drank some ice water.
Charlie watched the woman’s hands, looking for that telltale tremble, but there was nothing.
“Charlotte.” Judith put down the glass. “I’m going to be honest with you about that night. I’ve never seen a man so broken as your father was. I hope I never do again. I’m not sure how he managed to go on. I’m really not. But I know that he loved you unconditionally.”
“I never doubted that he did.”
“That’s good.” Judith used her fingers to wipe condensation from the glass. “My father, Mr. Heller, he was devout, and loving, and he provided for me, and he supported me, which, Lord knows a first-year schoolteacher needs support.” She chuckled quietly. “But after that night, I understood that my father did not cherish me the way that your father cherished you. I don’t blame Mr. Heller for that. What you and Rusty had was something special. So, what I guess I am telling you is, that no matter what your father’s motivations were for asking you to lie, it came from a place of deep and abiding love.”
Charlie expected to feel tears, but none came. She was finally cried out.
Judith said, “I know that Rusty is gone, and that a parent’s death makes you think about a lot of things, but you shouldn’t be angry with your father for asking you to keep it secret. He did it with the best of intentions.”
Charlie nodded at what she knew was the truth.
The kettle started to whistle. Judith stood. She turned off the stove. She went to a large cabinet that Charlie remembered from before. It was tall, almost floor to ceiling. Mr. Heller had kept his rifle on top, obscured by the crown molding. The white wood had been painted dark blue in the interim. Judith opened the doors. There were decorative mugs hanging from hooks beneath the shelves. Judith selected two mugs from either side of the rack. She closed the doors and went back to the stove.
“I’ve got peppermint and chamomile.”
“Either is fine.” Charlie looked at the closed cabinet doors. There was a sentence painted in script underneath the molding. Light blue, but not in enough of a contrast against the dark blue to make the words stand out. She read aloud, “‘He settles the childless woman in her home as the mother of happy children.’”
At the counter, Judith’s hands went still. “From the Psalms: 113:9. But that’s not the King James version.” She poured hot water into the mugs.
Charlie asked, “What’s the King James version?”
“‘He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye, the Lord.’” She found two spoons in a drawer. “I’m not barren, though, so I like the other version.”
Charlie felt a cold sweat come over her. “I guess in some ways you’re the mother of your kids at school.”
“You’re exactly right.” Judith sat down, passing one of the mugs to Charlie. “Doug and I spent more than half of our lives taking care of other people’s children. Not that we don’t enjoy it, but when we’re home, we enjoy the quiet even more.”
Charlie turned the handle of the mug around, but she did not pick it up.
“I’m barren,” Charlie said, the word feeling like a rock in her throat.
“I’m so sorry.” Judith stood up from the table. She brought back a carton of milk from the fridge. “Do you want sugar?”
Charlie shook her head. She wasn’t going to drink the tea. “You never wanted children?”
“I love other people’s children.”
Charlie said, “I heard that you were helping Kelly study for some kind of exam.”
Judith put the milk on the table. She sat back down.