Docking in Adoria was a blur. I stood on the deck with the other girls, watching as the shore loomed closer and closer. Vaguely, I noted I’d never seen so many trees in my life. Though Cape Triumph was one of the oldest Osfridian cities in the New World, it was clear that the wilderness still wasn’t tamed. And the trees were huge, like sentinels guarding this strange shore. Mira stood beside me, our hands tightly clenched. Her face, as I’m sure mine did, wore a haunted look.
I should’ve felt excitement. My heart should’ve hammered with anticipation. After all, this was what I’d been waiting for—the culmination of all my planning, starting with the day I’d sent Ada away. But I could take no joy in this moment. There was a leadenness inside of me, a coldness I was certain would never go away.
“Raise our banner,” ordered Jasper.
His brisk command penetrated my haze, and I slowly turned my head. He’d been as stunned as the rest of us upon discovering the wreckage of the Gray Gull. Soon, he’d shifted to anger, berating the other ship’s captain and crew for the great material and human loss he’d just suffered. That had ended when our captain curtly remarked that if anyone was to blame, it was Jasper himself for insisting upon a late-winter crossing, putting us at risk for storms like the one from last night.
And so, Jasper had soon shifted back to his indifferent, businesslike mode, almost as though the storm had never happened. The crew raised the Glittering Court’s banner, positioning it just under the great Osfridian flag. Jasper surveyed it with satisfaction and then turned to Miss Bradley.
“Once that’s spotted, the word’ll spread like wildfire.” He jerked his head toward where the other girls and I huddled together. “We’ll reach shore in a few hours. Make sure they’re ready.”
Miss Bradley’s face was ashen in the gray morning light. “Ready, sir?”
“Half of our potential buyers will be down there, waiting to see what we’ve brought. I need this group dolled up to their finest, showing off everything they’ve learned last year. What happened to the Gray Gull changes nothing.”
“Yes. Of course, sir,” she replied, her face paling further. “Girls, you heard him. Let’s go belowdecks and get you changed. You’re a bedraggled lot.”
The others started to move, used to following instructions, but I stood rooted to where I was. I stared incredulously at Jasper, grasping not for courage but for the right words to express my outrage. “Changes nothing? How can you say that? It changes everything! A ship full of people just died. Half our girls. My best friend. Don’t you care? Do you really expect us to just prance off this ship and start flirting and smiling?”
Jasper regarded me unblinkingly. “I expect you to do what you came here to do—to make a match that’s beneficial to you and me. The Gray Gull is a great loss. I’m perfectly aware of that, and my business will take a huge hit because of it. The rest of you are still able to carry out our purpose here. You’ll put on the clothes I’ve bought you and walk off this ship looking as though you’re happy to be here.”
I took a step toward him, undaunted by neither his size nor status. “Well, I won’t, and I’m not! I get that I’m here to play a part—that I’m here to be a doll you can display for the highest bidders. But nothing in my contract says I have to shut down my feelings—that I can ignore that tragedy. Maybe you should have added heartlessness to our curriculum, since you seem to be such an expert.”
“Adelaide,” said Miss Bradley, aghast. “How dare you speak to Mister Thorn that way?”
“You are certainly entitled to your opinion,” Jasper told me coolly. “And Uros knows you’ve never hesitated to express it. But you signed a contract taking on this purpose—and this purpose is about to begin. If you’d rather opt out and return to a workhouse in Osfrid, that can be arranged.”
“Maybe I will.”
I turned my back on him and stormed away, ignoring Miss Bradley’s protests. I paid little heed to where I was going, pushing past startled crew and passengers. I reached one of the entrances to the ship’s interior and moved through the labyrinthine passages until I found myself back in the cargo room with the painting. I hadn’t realized this was where I was headed, but I wasn’t entirely surprised this was where my heart led. On this voyage, it was really the only space that had been my own.
I sank to the floor against the wall, burying my face in my hands as great sobs racked my body. Tears of anger mingled with sadness as I raged at the world. I hated the fickle winter weather that had brought us to this point. I hated Jasper for making us go on as though everything was normal. And I hated myself.
I hated myself most of all because if not for me, Tamsin would have never been on that ship.