“Once upon a time, there was a young and beautiful world called Fairyland. Fairyland lived all alone and liked it that way, for it meant she got to go to stay out dancing with the galaxies as long as she liked, eat any travelers she wanted to without cleaning up after herself, and leave the magic on night and day and no one could tell her otherwise. But though Fairyland lived alone, she had many friends: the Sun and the Moon and the Stars, the many Winds, the Four Directions and their cousins the Seasons, Time and the Sea and Fate and Death and Chaos and Physicks and Luck. Each and every one of these loved to get dressed up in their finest costumes and come round for visits. The Sun would sit on the sofa devouring seed cake. Chaos would drink up all the milk while East and West and North and South played cards. The Moon would dance with the Sea and whisper in her ear, and the Winds would dance with Physicks and Death and Fate would argue until their arguing started to look like dancing, too. Time would always try to behave himself, but Luck always got him to laugh. In this way, Fairyland lived happily for eons upon eons, and all she ever worried about was whether or not she had made enough biscuits for all.
“But one evening, Fate brought a guest to meet Fairyland—another world, like herself, but not very like herself at all. The new world was a good guest, and brought presents: a beautiful basket with Change inside. All night long, Fairyland talked to her new friend, asked if his cup needed filling, impressed him with her wild ways and her rough manners and her clever schemes. They danced together on a carpet of snow. Everyone watched, and everyone worried for Fairyland, for this new world was surely a bit of a rake, or else Fate would not have made friends with him. But they felt silly the next morning. For a long while yet, all went along as it always had. Fairyland lived more freely and lushly and joyfully than ever. The new world visited her often, always with gifts, and whenever Fairyland saw her suitor, she smiled and the whole of heaven and earth burst into flame and flower.
“After an epoch or two, however, the new world began to visit less often. When he did come, he was sullen and sorrowful. Finally, Fairyland asked what could be the matter. And he answered:
“‘Must you keep your gravity so untidy? It’s all rumpled and uneven. Every day I see folk flying about who should walk on the ground! Anyone could shoot up into the air or dive down through the earth at any time, and there’s no rhyme or reason to it!’
“‘I like my untidiness and rumpledness and unevenness!’ replied Fairyland, and would not discuss it further. After another era had passed, the new world sighed and said:
“‘Must you allow Physicks to run rampant the way you do? It’s a ruffian, I tell you, a delinquent! It does what it pleases and obeys no sensible law!’
“Fairyland drew herself up proudly. ‘Physicks is my friend, and I love to watch him play. If he vandalizes a thermodynamic or two, what’s the harm? They’re prettier when he’s done with them, anyhow.’
“The new world shook his head and tried to eat his seed cake, but he had lost all his appetite. At last, after a long age in which many things happened, including dinosaurs, Atlantis, and several uninvited comets, the new world tried to coax Fairyland round to his way of thinking once more.
“‘Oh, what is it now?’ said Fairyland crossly.
“‘It’s your biology, I’m afraid. I can’t bear to see it lying about in lumps and tatters! You’ve got people with the bodies of horses or dragonfly wings. You’ve got folk who can grow to great heights and shrink down to nothing anytime they need to reach something from the top shelf. You’ve got talking rocks and underwater horses and lions with eagle wings. It’s unseemly! Please, you must make it listen to reason.’
“Fairyland grew so angry that six new volcanoes twisted up out of her northern reaches.
“‘You are a rake and a rascal and a boring old dunce. How can a world as young as you have such a fusty mind? You cannot order my darling gravity, my beloved biology, or my dear dashing Physicks to do as you say. Have it your own way in your own home, and let me have it my own way in mine. I shall never listen to you on these matters. Go away and never come back!’
“And so the new world slunk away and tried to forget about Fairyland. But he couldn’t. He spent most of his time collecting pictures that reminded him of her and telling stories of their adventures to any folklorist who would listen. Nor could Fairyland, proud as she was, forget her old friend. She missed his funny, stick-in-the-mud ways and the way he danced when the harvest came in and all seemed golden and good. As the ages turned ancient between them, Fairyland began to sneak out at night to spy upon that other world. Occasionally, she would steal a rose from his garden or a nail from his door or even, every now and again, a sunny-faced child who wandered too far from the gate. And in their sleep, each world would sometimes turn over and reach for the other’s hand, interlacing their fingers like two sets of forever-turning gears. But when they woke, their hands were always empty once more.
“Fairyland lives happily, but she has never lived quite alone again. This is the sorrow of the human world and the Fairy world, who cannot get along, but cannot part.”
Saturday finished and stood back.
“What does all that mean?” asked Blunderbuss.
“It means Fairyland’s Heart is broken,” came a cool, crisp, disapproving voice.
September spun round to see the Headmistress standing behind them.
CHAPTER IX
I PUNISH, YOU PUNISH, HE OR SHE PUNISHES
In Which September Learns a Spot of Latin, Fights Her First Duel, and Is Banned from the Library for Life