The Girl Who Dared to Think (The Girl Who Dared #1)

“Of course it is,” he said gently. “I’m sorry for—”

“Don’t apologize,” I interrupted, pressing my fingers to his lips. He gave me a confused look, and I smiled. “It would be like you were apologizing for kissing me in the first place, and I don’t want you to... I don’t want you to feel sorry about that.”

His expression softened, and I sensed the moment threatening to return, and diverted it by taking a small step back. “I’m gonna head to bed, I think,” I said, swallowing hard, and he nodded, moving away a few paces over to his hammock. I felt the need to add something, so I did: “Thanks for giving me a little time.”

“My pleasure—just don’t think I’m going to let it go,” Grey said, sitting back into his hammock like an old pro. He met my gaze, a confident smile playing on his lips. “Because I’m not.”

My heart continued its heavy drumming against my ribcage, and I quickly lashed up the few feet to my own hammock and gingerly climbed into it, needing some space between myself and that cocky, enigmatic face, lest I cave.

But Cali was right, and I wasn’t ready to just... fall into bed with a guy I barely knew. You know all that you need to know, my mind whispered, but I shoved it aside. I wasn’t that girl, and we had barely started acknowledging our attraction to each other. I needed for this to go slowly.

“Good night,” Grey’s voice said teasingly from below. “Here.” Something flew up from below, spinning up and over and landing with a thump on top of my chest—the blanket that Cali had brought in.

“’Night,” I called down quickly, needing there to be an end to everything. I held my breath and waited, hearing the fabric rustle as he lay back into his hammock a few feet below. I waited for things to go still, before finally starting to get ready for bed.

I quickly shrugged out of my uniform and spread out the woolen blanket that Grey had just tossed up, curling up under it. It took me a few minutes to figure out how to adjust my limbs and lie in the hammock, but I finally found a comfortable position. The hammock swayed back and forth, and I stared out the window for a long time, using my arms as pillows. I thought about everything that had happened today, and about what the next step might be. I thought about Zoe. I thought about my parents and Alex. I searched for ways out of this mess.

Long before the answers came, my eyelids grew too heavy to resist the draw of sleep, so I gave up trying.





29





I spent most of my first day in Sanctum in my hammock, fast asleep. It was, admittedly, not the wisest move to make, considering the situation, but it was as if everything had just suddenly caught up with me. I’d spent weeks not sleeping properly, barely eating, and just clinging onto the ledge with every fingertip dug in tight. Now that it felt like I was out of sight of the Tower, I could finally breathe. Sleep was the only natural recourse after that.

As a result, the first day there was a blur that consisted of two bathroom breaks, some sort of salad that contained an inordinate amount of tomatoes for some reason, and a visit from Grey (and that was to deliver said salad, as I had slept through dinner).

The second day there, I got sick. There was no rhyme or reason, save that my system was still rundown enough that a virus could sneak its way past my defenses. I must have brought it with me when we came down. I knew something was wrong when I woke up in a sweat, my joints aching with a deep shiver that seemed to radiate from my bones.

The chattering of my teeth woke Grey, and he quickly got Roark. The two men lowered my hammock down, and Roark quickly began to check me over, while Grey wrapped me in another blanket. It didn’t feel like enough.

Then Roark gave me some medicine, and it was lights out.



When I woke up again, I felt worlds better. I was stretching out my aching limbs and shifting slightly in my hammock, debating the pros and cons of going back to sleep, when a voice alerted me to the fact that I wasn’t alone.

“No,” Tian squeaked quietly. “She’s still not awake, but I did see the hammock moving.”

There was a pause, and I lifted my eyelids, taking in the bright light. I shifted, the fabric of the hammock moving around, and sat up, looking around groggily.

I found Tian standing a few feet away, perched on her toes like a bird about to take flight, Grey opposite her. It was clear my waking had attracted their attention and caused their conversation to die out.

“Morning,” I said, my mouth inexplicably dry. I looked around dully and wrinkled my nose at the stale smell of sweat and general funk that seemed to be wafting from my body. It was... not spectacular. “What happened? How long have I been out?”

“You got here four days ago,” Tian announced.

I looked up at Grey and was surprised to see that the bags under his eyes hadn’t lessened. If anything, they’d increased. His eyes met mine, and the corner of his mouth quirked up.

“You had the flu,” he added, for my edification, and I blinked dumbly at him. “Roark said it was because you were so tired that you became vulnerable to it. But he managed to keep you mildly sedated so you could get through the process quickly. You don’t remember anything?”

I shook my head, and I saw something I could swear was disappointment flash across his face, but it was gone too quickly for me to identify it. So I pushed it aside, trying to focus on the facts. I’d been here for four days. I’d been gone from the Tower’s radar for four days.

No one knew where I was, except for the people here.

I exhaled, suddenly anxious. Everyone was going to be so worried about me. They were going to think I was hurt, kidnapped, or even dead! Zoe was still up there as well, the four on her wrist dragging her inexorably down, through the Medica and into the Citadel. Into that glass cell. Oh, God, if she thought I was dead... it would tear her apart. She would be just like Sarah, crashing down to a three and then a two, before...

The image I had conjured long ago flashed back into my mind: Zoe in place of the woman Gerome had killed in the Tower, the bright light in her eyes extinguished, her body utterly still. No more of her spark, her light, the joy she created in me, just because she had gifted me with her friendship... I needed to know what was going on with her. I needed to let her know I was okay. It would help slow her descent... and maybe I could get her a month’s supply of Paragon while I was at it.

I sat up and slipped my legs over the edge of the fabric, awkwardly sliding out of the hammock. Grey and Tian both looked alarmed as I landed barefoot on the cold floor, but I kept my legs under me, ignoring the wobble in my knees. I was still in my underclothes, and even if I didn’t want to believe it had been four days since we’d arrived, the dried sweat stains and dirt on them were evidence enough.

“I need my clothes,” I said, looking around for my uniform. “And my lashes.”