The Girl Who Dared to Endure (The Girl Who Dared #6)

“Where are we going?” he asked again as we wound our way through the switchback and into the hall.

“Your rank is falling,” I called back, trying to speed up into a run as soon as we rounded the corner. It was clear he was in shock, and I wasn’t helping matters by forcing him to move, but there wasn’t any time. “Trust me, Alex, there isn’t time for this.”

My brother didn’t say anything for a second as I got us to a jog, but I heard a slight intake of breath that sounded shocked enough to make me look back. A four glared brightly at me from his wrist, the orange like a beacon in the well-lit hallway.

“I… I didn’t know it was Leo,” he said, his voice quivering. “I didn’t know what that thing in your hand was. I don’t understand… Why is Scipio punishing me? I was defending you.”

“I don’t know,” I told him, but in my heart, I had doubts. Maybe my brother had been acting in my defense, but he had also been calling for Baldy’s death ever since he’d beaten him. So which was true? Maybe both, but it didn’t matter. All I knew was that Scipio had chosen not to interpret his emotional state that way and was now shaving away his rank as punishment. I was angry at him for what happened, but I was more concerned about what this would do to him if we didn’t get him to take the medicine. I loved my brother no matter what; he was half of my heart and soul. He drove me up the wall sometimes, but I was not going to let him fall like this. He’d watched over me his entire life, trying to protect me.

Now it was my turn.

I picked up the pace as we passed the bedrooms, then the bathrooms, a stitch forming in my side as we ran. I was tired—exhausted, really—but I still poured as much energy as I could muster into getting into the kitchen.

Relief filled me as the hall widened slightly into the steps that would take us down into the large dining/kitchen space. I spotted the bag containing the pills on the counter in the kitchen and started to run over to it, my arms and legs trembling from exertion and fear.

But Alex planted his feet halfway there, almost jerking me off my feet. I caught my balance and twisted around, looking at him. “Alex, c’mon!”

“It’s too late,” he whispered, holding up his wrist. The three on it seemed to throb rhythmically, as if counting down, and I dropped his hand and sprinted up the stairs to the elevated kitchen area, snatching the bag off the counter. “You have to arrest me. If you don’t, they’ll arrest you, too.”

“Shut up!” My fingers fumbled with the fastener as I whirled around and raced back to my brother, and I gave a frustrated little shriek seconds before it slid open. I had just been through the bag earlier today, so I knew exactly what I was looking for. Thrusting my arm in, I felt for one of the largest pill bottles, and found one almost immediately, my ears straining for any sign of the alarms.

Please let the sensors be sweeping slowly today, I prayed as I yanked the bottle out, barely paying attention to the handwriting on the side, and focused on unscrewing the lid as I came to a stop before my twin. His eyes had adopted a faraway look, and he was mumbling something.

“…Not protected like you are. I wanted to tell you at the funeral… discovered an irregularity in the way Scipio handles ranking. Positions that require a ten are locked there. Councilors can’t fall… Knight Commanders can’t fall. Explains how they can murder people, huh? Not me, though. I’m going to get caught and—”

The implications of what he was telling me were huge, but I barely registered them. I was too focused on the task of saving his life.

The lid came off in my hands, and I turned the bottle on its side and fished out a pill, then shoved it between his lips before he could say anything else. “Swallow,” I ordered him.

His eyes met mine, and his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down, telling me he had done so.

I let out a shaky breath, and then grabbed his arm, turning his wrist up so I could see the number there. The three had disappeared during my rush to the bag and back, and the two had somehow come and gone in the short time it took me to get the pills. Now a single vertical line remained. One.

Tension ran under my skin as I bit my lip, waiting to see what would happen first. It would either be the alarm signaling to the Knights that a one was in the area—or his rank sliding upward again. Seconds ticked by, and nothing happened.

“It’s not going to work,” he said. “It’s too late. You have to arrest me, Liana. I’ll tell them everything was my fault. It’ll be okay.”

He had just closed his mouth again when his rank morphed from red to purple, jumping from a one to a seven on his wrist. I held it up to him, showing him that he was safe, and then let out a sigh of relief and staggered a few steps back. I closed my eyes for several seconds, lightheaded from the panic of everything, and then pried them right back open again.

I wasn’t done—not by a long shot—but for now, at least I had made sure my brother was safe.

Now I just needed to keep him that way. I took a moment to study him, noting the look on his face and the way he couldn’t seem to stop twitching, and realized he needed sleep. He’d been in shock mere minutes before, and was already starting to backtrack into it, judging by the stunned look in his eyes. I reached out and took his hand again, and this time he followed me with little resistance as I guided him back toward the war room. As soon as I got him settled, I’d race back to the others to help them in whatever way they needed, whether it was getting Leo back in Grey or helping Quess with Eric.

I stopped outside of Leo’s room long enough to open the door, and then pulled Alex inside. The room was still a mess from Grey’s temper tantrum earlier, but it only took me a minute or two to put the mattress back into place. Alex didn’t help, but then again, as soon as he’d come in, he’d stopped and started staring at a spot on the floor.

“Alex,” I said, trying to keep my voice gentle. I felt spread too thin, but I had to remind myself to be patient with him. He was more fragile than me now. “Take off your uniform and get in bed.”

He looked up at me, his gaze blank. “Why?” he asked. “I don’t think I could sleep.”

“You have to try,” I told him. “What happened today…”

“I killed a man,” he said, his voice empty. “I beat him to a pulp, and then I killed him. Possibly even two, if you count Leo. How…” He trailed off, looking so undeniably lost that I couldn’t help but hurt for him.

“You were trying to defend me,” I told him gently. “And I love you for it. We really should—”

“What have I become, Liana?” he whispered harshly. His dark eyes were filled with torment as he stared at his hands. They trembled violently, and he squeezed his eyes shut against them, as if denying the blood on them and failing. “I killed a man. I wanted him dead! I… This wasn’t how it was supposed to be!”

Seconds later he was falling to his knees, his arms wrapping around his shoulders, and I rushed over to him, throwing my arms around him. He wasn’t crying, but he was shaking as if he were a leaf caught under a ventilation duct. I held him close, stroking his temples and hair, trying to reassure him that I was there and he was safe.

“I don’t know who I am anymore,” he told me some time later, his voice less broken but every bit as empty as before. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I hate it here so much. I’m so alone and isolated in the Core, and I have nothing to do but worry about you and watch Scipio slowly degrade into nothingness. I’m beyond useless, and I just jeopardized everything you had been working toward.” His voice caught in the end, and he shot me a hopeless look. “What good am I to anyone?”