That’s why I can’t stop stalking his log-in.
Had he any final words, I feel like he would have emailed Theo or me. Or maybe he had his own version of corresponding with those who’d passed, perhaps confessing in an email Macey would never read.
“Do you wonder if Stephen’s somewhere on the other side, looking down on us, saying, ‘What if my life wasn’t so bad after all?’ Like he regrets his actions? Like if he had another shot, he’d make a different choice?” Kent asks.
“Kent, no. Don’t go there. You’ll never get passed it if you let your mind go there,” I tell him.
Trust me, I know.
“We can’t change what’s happened,” I say. “Our only choice is to be cognizant and present and alert. Our choice is to be there for each other. And if that means I accidentally wrestle someone down a hill while trying to help, so be it.”
Simone says, “Standing there in that daze, I realized exactly how much I appreciate the gift of life. How it’s far too precious to ever squander. I finally accept why my parents were so insistent on keeping me safe, on keeping Liam away. They already knew what I’ve just now figured out.”
“So you’re okay,” Kent confirms. He makes tentative patting motions up and down her arms and shoulders, like he’s conducting a half-assed security line search at the airport. “You’re telling me that you can deal, that you are okay.”
“Okay is a relative term, but, yes, I’m okay,” she replies.
“All is well, you’re not going to snap?” he says.
“Yes, I’m well, Kent.”
“You’re sure about that?” he demands.
“Profoundly sure.”
He shouts, “Then why the fuck did you not return my texts?”
She replies, “Because it’s dangerous to text and walk.”
Which isn’t funny.
Nothing about this day or week or month or semester is funny, but for some reason, this response makes Kent laugh. Then I join in. Then Simone starts in, too, and our laughter is like a burning ember touching down in a field of dry brush; it just ignites everything.
I guess we all have twisted senses of humor.
We stand here hooting and cackling until we practically lose our breath. The train rushing by is what finally sobers us up. We watch in sudden silence as all the cars fly past, each window a cozily lit vignette of a suburban mom or dad coming home to their green oasis, their little slice of paradise by the lake after a long day of work in the city.
“We have to talk to Liam’s parents, though,” Simone says. “They have to know what he’s doing now.”
We return to the warmth of my car, with Kent and me in the front and Simone and her dog in the back. We sit here on the side of the road, hazard lights blinking out a steady beat, as she tells us everything.
“They won’t listen to you,” I say. “Mr. and Mrs. Avery—they’re not going to believe you. They don’t know you and it sounds like they definitely don’t trust and/or like you. Jasper tried to talk to them, too, but I’m not sure how credible he is—they probably just assumed he was trying to deflect some of the trouble off himself. You’d be wasting your time going over to see his folks, setting yourself up for failure.”
“If we’re Gatekeepers, don’t we have to try?” Kent asks.
“Yes, absolutely,” I say. “Not Simone, though, it has to be me. Let’s get you both home and then I’ll take care of this.”
“No, I’m coming with you,” Kent insists. “No arguments.”
Before we can go anywhere, my phone rings and Theo’s picture flashes across my screen. “I should answer. They might have found Liam.”
By the time I hang up, I feel like someone’s taken a baseball bat to my soul. Despite the heated seat and steering wheel, and the thermostat being set on seventy-eight degrees, my entire body has turned to ice.
I didn’t put the conversation on speaker, so Simone and Kent only catch half the conversation. They hear “Liam” and “car accident” and “ambulance” but they’ve wildly misinterpreted the information.
Simone is sobbing in the backseat, her head in her hands. Her chubby dog keeps trying to comfort her, nudging her and placing his paws on her shoulders, but to no avail. “No, no, no, not Liam,” she cries.
“Liam is okay,” I say, turning to face her, my heart a stone in my chest. “Simone, do you copy? Liam is okay. Jasper found him by the bluff. Then he wrestled him into the car because he was going to take him back to Liam’s house. They were arguing and Jasper lost control of his Navigator out on Plymouth Rock Road. They...went over the guardrail into the ravine. Liam was thrown out of the car but he walked away. Simone, he was able to walk away.”
“Oh, thank God,” Simone exhales. “He was so lucky.”
“What about Jasper?” Kent says. “Mallory, what about Jasper?”
I grab Kent, clinging to him and whispering into his coat, “Not so lucky.”
Socialite and Philanthropist Vanessa Gates Stuns in Her Valentino Original at the Met Gala.
All eyes were on Vanessa Gates last night when she arrived at the Met Gala. In an astoundingly beautiful micro-pleated gown made of silk and jersey, Gates was reminiscent of a Greek goddess, her star neatly eclipsing every celebrity in the room.
40
OWEN
The doctors say it will take a miracle for Jasper to survive.
Good thing I believe in miracles.
Right now, his team of physicians are pulling him out of a medically induced coma. We’re told this was the last resort to decrease cranial pressure. He’s been under for three days. After the docs bring him out of it, they’ll have a better idea about the extent of brain damage.
Jasper can’t have brain damage. He can’t. That’s not fair. He was doing the right thing; he shouldn’t have been the one to get hurt. He wasn’t always the best dude, but he’s come around. He fixed his own karma; he doesn’t need the universe doing it for him.
The Gatekeepers have taken shifts holding vigil in the hospital’s waiting area after school ever since the accident. But today’s real important, so we’re here in full force. Mr. Gorton’s joined us, too.
Well, we’re all here except for Simone, who’s at home packing, and Liam. His parents admitted him to a rehab facility the night of the accident. Mallory’s worried that his folks put him there less because they admit he has a problem and more to cover their own asses, as he’s still a minor and they’re liable.
I say his family’s reasons don’t matter, as long as he’s getting some help. On top of the addiction, he’s going to have to deal with almost killing his best friend. If the car hadn’t landed exactly where it did in relation to that old oak, it would have kept tumbling all the way down. Jasper would have died on impact.