How did I not know this?
“Yeah, ‘Gatekeeper’ is about this California Highway cop named Kevin Briggs who worked the Golden Gate Bridge for years. He was a former army officer, trained in crisis negotiation. In the course of his day, he’d patrol the bridge—called it ‘walking the rail’—looking for people who seemed to be contemplating suicide. I guess he did it long enough and could recognize the signs. He’d stop the potential jumpers by talking to them, posing a couple of questions.”
“You mean the lines about how they were feeling and what their plans were for tomorrow?”
“Right.”
My pace in front of the desk begins to slow. “Nothing else? That’s it? He’d know intentions by how they answered his questions?”
“Yes and no. You see, Briggs wasn’t seeking specific answers. Instead, he wanted to break people out of their tunnel vision. He was dealing with people who saw death as the only way out. A lot of times those thoughts are temporary, fleeting.”
I think about Braden that day, walking by the tracks, the delayed train rumbling along behind him. Was he a victim of his own tunnel vision? A temporary impulse? I feel sick about not being more cognizant. He needed a gatekeeper. What truly breaks my heart is that I now see the times he tried to gatekeep me.
Mr. Gorton continues. “What’s deadly is when people have them at the wrong time in an expedient place. The officer being there shook them out of the fog. Because of what he did and how he did it, he earned the nickname the Gatekeeper. That’s what we need here. A gatekeeper. Rather, we need to become gatekeepers. All of us.”
I wasn’t there to save Braden, but I could be there for others.
I finally sit down in the chair across from him and I pull up a blank to-do list on my phone.
I say, “Great. Let’s get started.”
NORTH SHORE HIGH SCHOOL
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Home | About | NSHS Academics | Student Services | Student Life | Parent Organizations
STUDENT BULLETIN
Students, please join us for the initial meeting of the Gatekeepers, a suicide awareness and prevention organization. First meeting is this Monday in the Liberal Arts Activity Center, 3:05 PM.
32
OWEN
“We should consider modeling ourselves after Palo Alto’s Project Safety Net.”
Mr. Gorton is leading the Gatekeepers’ first official meeting and I’m here because our family therapist thought it’d be a good idea. If there’s anything I can do to fight what’s been going on, I’m all over it. Dr. Kincaid said being a part of the Gatekeepers would help me heal. I don’t even care about me now; I’m just real motivated to keep other people safe.
Mr. Gorton says we should roll out strategies to help safeguard classmates. ’Bout damn time. Looks like a lot of the peer counselors are here. The organization’s open to the whole student body, though. For us seniors, there’s only so much my class can do in the six months before graduation. Glad to see some freshmen in the mix because help for four years? Major impact.
Kent and Simone are here, and she brought Liam with her. I should be jelly, but I’m actually real glad about that. People follow him. If he’s into a program, everyone’ll follow suit. Even Jasper showed up because of Liam. If he misses me as a customer, he hasn’t said anything. Maybe he’s getting out of the game.
Hope so.
Mallory and Theo are sitting with me in the front row. He and I have matching casts on our right hands. When he asked me about mine, I told him that my only regret is hitting a screen and not O’Leary’s actual smug face.
Mr. Gorton tells us, “Project Safety Net is a suicide prevention and youth well-being collaboration and they’ve done great work so far because they’ve garnered community support. Theirs is a multifaceted approach. They focus on a few different areas, such as decreasing the stigma around mental illness and improving mental health, reducing academic pressure, limiting access to means of self-harm, like rallying around efforts to fence in the Caltrain, all in conjunction with working to improve communication. It’s my opinion we model ourselves after them. But what do you think?”
Everyone nods and I raise my good hand. “We gotta focus on drinking and drug use, too. I mean, that’s a thing.” I notice Jasper start to study his pants. Red-and-green plaid today, exceptionally festive. “My therapist was telling me about this study they did at Yale. He says that the number of kids who drink and take drugs and smoke and stuff at rich-kid schools is a lot higher than in poor ones. He says we also have higher rates of anxiety and depression.”
“Do you have any idea why that might be? Would you like to elaborate?” Mr. Gorton probes. I get the feeling he already knows the answer, but wants us to come up with it.
“Maybe our houses are too big?” I suggest.
I like that Mr. Gorton doesn’t laugh at me. Instead, he gives my idea consideration. He says, “Tell me more about that.”
“Yeah, I guess I should explain what I mean ’cause that sounds dumb, but hear me out. So, we live in these huge homes, right?” Everyone nods. “All of the, like, physical space is kind of a barrier to families spending time together. Live in an apartment house with one bathroom, you’re gonna run into each other, you know? But kids here, on these estates and stuff, some of them have their own wings of the house. Whole days can go by where they don’t see their parents.”
I know of a couple of families in town who’ve built entire separate buildings for the teenagers, so they don’t mess up the parts of the home where the parents entertain.
Mallory and Theo look at each other, like they’re both just realizing something important.
“At Casa Foley-Feinstein? Both my parents work, all the time. We never had dinner together, didn’t hang out and watch TV or anything. There was no, like, family suppers or group outings. Everyone had their own shit to do on the weekends. That’s how it was for us. Real detached. ’Course, after Braden, everything changed for us.”
Saying Braden’s name makes Mallory catch her breath. She’s on my right. Theo’s on her other side. I notice his left hand clenching into a fist and Mallory wraps her arm around him.
I say, “For the first time, I feel like my folks are there for me. I’m not gonna lie, in the beginning, I was in a real dark place. I wasn’t sure what was gonna happen and I pushed everyone away. I guess that was a wake-up call for my folks. Now, one of them always leaves the office early so I’m not alone. We’re having meals as a family. Usually it’s just something from Seamless, but that’s, like, whatever. No one’s gotta make a roast, it’s just kinda nice to have a conversation over a box of breadsticks, you know? But the way it was for me before is still how it is for most kids. We were...disconnected. Not anchored.”
“You were there,” Theo says, his voice catching. “With Braden.”