“Why would you think that?” I can’t help asking.
He gives me a look that says, get real. “Outside of my high school circle, not one girl gave me the time of day. Ever. And…” He scratches his beard. “One of them admitted it. Lisa Unger told me, ‘Don’t worry, Dexter, we’ll take care of you. You’re on the team, after all.’”
“Bitch.”
His mouth quirks. “Just honest, I guess. Anyway, after that, I didn’t want to mess around. I kept to myself. Hell if I was going to be with a girl who wanted me just because I played football. ”
“Okay, but what about college? There are lots of girls in college who aren’t shitty little shits.”
Dex snorts at that, and his eyes crinkle. But it quickly fades, and he grows pale beneath his tan. “By the second year of college, I’d lost the fat and felt a bit more…confident. But then...” He blows out a breath and braces his elbows on his knees.
“Ethan.” I touch his back and find his long-sleeve shirt damp with sweat. “What happened?”
His large hands clench into fists. “I’m not proud of this part.”
My stomach tightens, but I keep my palm firm against his body. “It’s okay.”
I really don’t know if it is, but don’t know what else to say to reassure him.
“So…I…uh… Spring Break sophomore year, a bunch of us from the team headed down to Mexico. It was wild. Girls everywhere. Sex everywhere. I’d never seen anything like it. Our season was over, we’d won our first National Championship, and we were treated like gods.”
His shoulders go so tense, his body is like granite beneath my hand. A fine shiver works over him, and I rub his back, desperate to calm him down. When he speaks, his voice is rough and rusty.
“First night out, we all got completely drunk, smoked some pot. I’d never tried it before, and it hit me hard. We’re at this party, and two girls come up to me. They’re wearing nothing but these tiny little bikinis and are so fucking eager to please me. That’s not even it. These girls, it’s like they want to outdo each other by being as wild and willing as they can.”
Yeah, I know the type well. Growing up around athletes, I knew those women even when I was too young to understand what sex was. My dad, who was an NBA star before he was an agent, fucked those types of women and ruined his marriage.
The feminist in me wants to say it’s the men taking advantage and using woman like disposable sex toys. But the truth is far more muddy, because some women are more than willing to play that role. In fact, they compete for the chance to be used.
“I was drunk and high enough not to care,” Dex says slowly, as if every word is being dragged out of him. “Next thing I know, all three of us are in a back room, one of them is sucking on my cock—though I’m so far gone I can barely feel it—and the other has her tits in my face. And I’m thinking finally, finally. But it also feels kind of off.
“Then one of them starts begging me to get down and dirty with her, says she loves it ‘dirty.’ Fuck if I know what that means, but then she’s on all fours, telling me to fuck her in the ass.”
Dex pauses, runs a hand over his face. He looks so ravaged, I don’t want him to go on. And yet I do, because if he trusts me enough to tell me his secrets, I’m going to listen to them.