GrayG: What? No. Don’t take this wrong, but I’ve kind of become addicted to your texts.
IvyMac: Me too. Talking to you is like talking to myself. Only better.
GrayG: It’s scary that I get that.
GrayG: I feel like I can tell you anything.
IvyMac: You can. That’s what friends do.
GrayG: I’ve never been friends with a girl before.
IvyMac: I’m honored to be your first.
The next morning…
GrayG: So as friends, can I still say inappropriate, sex-related things?
IvyMac: Sure. Think of me as just another guy. With a vagina.
GrayG: A. Shudder. B. Yeah, no. C. I had this dream that you were sucking my 8==> But when I looked down, I discovered it was actually a goat…you know. Then I really woke up because I yelled so hard, I fell out of bed. And now I live in mortal terror of goats.
IvyMac: LMFAO! Gray got it from a goat!
GrayG: >:-[
IvyMac: Goat-on-Gray action! Heeeee! Falls down ded
GrayG: You suck, you know that?
IvyMac: No, the goat does! Dies again My sides. My sides!
GrayG: Laugh it up, Chuckles.
IvyMac: Okay. I’m good now. Aw, Cupcake, I’m so glad we’re friends. It means a lot to me. I feel safe with you. Like I can be me without worrying about sex getting in the way of things. Or something.
IvyMac: I’m rambling. Ignore me.
GrayG: Honey, your friendship is a fucking gift. Don’t ever doubt it.
After a few more texts, and a few hours of going without…
GrayG: So I got into it with Drew. He accused me of trying to fuck his girl. I would NEVER fucking do that. Whatever people think about me, I would die before I did that shit.
IvyMac: I’d never believe that of you, Gray. I’m sorry you’re hurt. :-(
GrayG: I’m not hurt. You wouldn’t? How do you know for sure? I’m kind of known as a player. Shit, maybe I should call myself Sir Fucksalot.
IvyMac: Stop it. Any guy who crams into a tiny pink car and willingly drives it around town as a favor to his friend wouldn’t turn around and stab that friend in the back. Player or not, you’re a good guy. And I’m the only one who can call you Sir Fucksalot! >:-[
IvyMac: It’s okay to be hurt, btw. I’d be hurt if my friend accused me of that. Do you want me to come home and kick his ass? Cuz I got skillz. Mad ass-kicking skillz.
GrayG: lol. Not necessary. I know Drew doesn’t really mean it. He’s going through some stuff with his leg being broken. Just. Okay, yeah, it hurt that he took it out on me.
IvyMac: :-( {{{{hugs}}}}
GrayG: Ivy, is it weird that I kind of wish you were home? That I kind of miss you?
IvyMac: No. I wish I were there right now. I miss you too.
IvyMac: Okay. About to go into another tunnel. Txt me later, Cupcake
GrayG: Will do. Thanks for listening, Mac.
Next day…
GrayG: Everything is cool with Drew. He apologized for being a dick. We tossed around the football today. He hadn’t touched one in a while, so that was good.
IvyMac: Good. I’m so glad. I know how much he means to you.
GrayG: I’m going over to hang out with him and his girl, Anna. You’d like her. She’s saucy too. But, you know, not special saucy.
IvyMac: You’re risking your nuts, calling me special sauce. Don’t think I won’t make good on my threat whenever we meet.
GrayG: There you go, talking about my nuts again. One day, we gotta address this fascination you have with them.
IvyMac: Sure, we can address it, and then you can limp away.
GrayG: Empty threats, Mac. You know you couldn’t hurt me. You love me too much.
IvyMac: Whatever, Cupcake. Have fun tonight. Helpful party tip: don’t mention your nuts <—basic rules of polite society 101
GrayG: Damn, you’re telling me this now? The topic of my nuts has always been my go-to conversational opening. O.o
IvyMac: The more you know, Gray.
GrayG: What would I do without you to guide me?
IvyMac: Best not to think about that, Cupcake.
GrayG: Yeah, the idea is too terrible to contemplate. Stay safe, Ivy. I’ll txt later. You gonna be up?
IvyMac: Yes. Don’t think I can fall asleep anymore without your nightly text.