Ethan laughs as if he can’t help it. “Her tit? That’s…oddly specific.”
I shrug. “I’m not thinking very rationally at the moment.” My eyes begin to water again. “I guess I have tits on the brain.”
As if the word tit flips a switch, I start to cry, an outright bawl that has my chest heaving. Ethan curses and pulls me tight against his body once more. “Fi…angel, baby…” He murmurs endearments as he strokes my back, runs his fingers through my hair.
Gently he rocks me as we lie in bed and I cry.
“You’re killing me, Fi,” he whispers brokenly.
“I know.” My breath hitches. “I just can’t seem to stop.”
I want to pull it together, get on with life, and forget all of the shit. But it doesn’t work that way. I have an endless supply of tears and rage.
His embrace goes tighter, near the point of pain, but I welcome it, want him to hold me this way forever. He nuzzles my temple. “Then cry all you want. I’m not going anywhere.”
Strange thing is, the moment he gives me permission to let loose, I calm. After a while, my body stops shaking and feels heavy with fatigue.
Ethan never stops caressing me. My nose is pressed into the center of his chest. I breathe in his scent and clutch his shirt.
When he speaks again, his voice rough and cracked as if he too has been crying. “Gray texted me a joke the other day. Want to hear it?”
“Knowing Gray’s terrible jokes, probably not. But okay.”
He rubs the back of his neck. “What do you call a cow with no legs?”
I caress his waist where muscles ripple. “What?”
“Ground beef.”
We’re both silent for a moment, then I burst out laughing. “God, that’s just wrong.”
“It’s terrible.” Ethan turns to his side and touches my cheek. “But it made you laugh. That’s all I care about.” Pain and regret darken his eyes. “I want to fix this, Fi. But I don’t know how. I don’t know what to do.”
For a guy like Ethan, being helpless must burn. I can feel it in the way his muscles keep bunching and releasing, as if his entire body wants to act, lash out.
My gaze drifts past him, focusing on a distant point, and my voice comes out hollow. “Thing is, Ethan, you can’t.”
I know it doesn’t sit well with him. He’s scowling like he wants to punch something. I empathize. But for the first time, I really don’t care. I’ve lost the ability, it seems.
* * *
Dex
As soon as I tell Fi her dad is here, she sits up like a shot, her eyes wide, and her hair sticking up at odd angles. She looks heartbreakingly beautiful and completely freaked out.
“Mother fuck.” Hauling her little ass out of bed, she pads to the bathroom and starts washing her face. “Just fuck it all. I do not want to face Dad right now.”
I get up and follow as she starts to put makeup on with a deft hand. I have no idea how she doesn’t poke herself in the eye with that mascara wand thing. Regardless of the situation, watching Fi make herself up is fascinating. It’s such a private thing, and I get to witness it.
“Well, he’s here, and I don’t think he plans on going anywhere,” I say as she dabs some sort of ivory cream under her eyes. “Why are you putting on makeup, anyway? You look perfect.”
She huffs. “I’m a freaking mess. I’m not facing my dad looking like I’ve been crying.”
A heavy weight sits on my heart. “But you have. There’s no shame in that.” Fuck, I want to cry too. And that’s the truth. It took all I had not to sob right along with her. I feel so fucking helpless right now, I want to punch a hole in the wall.
I cross my arms over my chest and clench my fists so I don’t do just that.
Fi flits past me, going to the dresser to pull out a clean shirt. “Well, I am ashamed.” Her face twists. “He probably saw pictures of me naked, Ethan.”