The Friends We Keep

“Excuse me?”


“Eric. Tyler’s dad. You mentioned your sister was gone and Tyler said that was like his dad. Eric doesn’t see him. It’s frustrating. I can’t figure out what’s wrong. It’s not like he’s running around with a bunch of women. I’m not even sure he dates. But he’s always busy with his industry stuff. Meetings. Writing. Whatever. It’s as if Tyler doesn’t matter to him anymore.”

“Maybe he fell in love with Hollywood,” Jairus offered, then put the steaks on the grill. “People do. It can be consuming.”

“You ever tempted?”

“No. I write a cartoon character for kids. Not exactly fast-lane material. I’ve had books optioned, but there’s never been a serious move to make a movie. Which is fine. It’s not my thing. I like what I do, but I enjoy hanging out with my fans more. The kids are great.”

She thought about the special event she and Tyler had been invited to. “You do a lot for disadvantaged children.”

He raised one shoulder. “It’s not that big a deal. I’m not uncomfortable around kids who are different. It’s not like they can will themselves to be like everyone else. So we have to adjust.”

It was the “have to” part of the sentence that spoke to her the most. Jairus didn’t have to. He could write his books, go to signings, then spend his buckets of money, all without getting involved. He chose to make his work be about more.

“Back to me missing you,” he said.

She winced. “I thought I’d distracted you enough that you’d forget what we were talking about.”

“That might have worked if the subject had been less interesting. How many guys have you dated since the divorce?”

Not a happy question. “Um, counting you?”

“Sure.”

She looked at him.

He raised his eyebrows. “So I’m your first. Okay, then. I’m going to have to be gentle and go slow.”

“Very funny.”

“I’m not joking, Nicole. Divorce isn’t easy. I want to tell you that my ex is a hundred percent responsible for what went wrong in our marriage, but she’s not. She gets maybe sixty percent. I still have skin in the game. The same with you and Eric. He walked out, but how much of that is you?”

He held up the spatula. “I’m asking rhetorically, by the way. I don’t expect an answer to that.”

“Good, because I don’t always have one. I know I was wrong about a lot of things.” She glanced at her house, then back at him. “When he left, he only took a few boxes. It’s not that he was leaving me everything else, it’s that I owned the house before he and I met and I think, after we were married, I never really thought of the house as ours. That’s wrong. So when he left, there was almost nothing of his. He didn’t leave a mark on anything.”

She still remembered what it had been like when he’d packed up to go. She’d asked when he was returning to get the rest of his things. He’d looked at her and told her he had it all. That the house had never been his.

“Eric left the marriage a long time before it was over,” she continued. “I blame him for a lot of what went wrong, but I’m guilty, too. I was willing to let him walk away. I didn’t fight. I want to tell you that I didn’t think there was anything worth saving, but now, looking back, I wonder if it was because I didn’t care anymore. I’d never let him in so it wasn’t a shock when he was gone.”

Jairus studied her. “Good,” he said, surprising her.

“What’s good about it?”

“You didn’t take the easy explanation. You dug deep for the truth. That’s admirable.”

“I’m not the hero here.”

“No, but you’re not the villain, either.” His gaze locked with hers. “I missed you while I was gone,” he repeated.

She held on to her glass of wine and told herself it was okay. She could take a single step into the abyss that was dating. She could be brave. If she fell, well, she’d survived tough times before. She would survive this.

“I missed you, too.”

He smiled. “Was that so hard?”

“It was, but I’ll survive.”

*

Late Sunday afternoon, Gabby sat across from her husband in their backyard and wondered why it had to be like this. Why couldn’t one of them be sick, or there be a financial crisis? That would be easier. They would have an external enemy to fight together. But this separation of expectations was impossible. She didn’t know how to make him understand.