I rake a hand through my hair and blow out a long breath through my nose. “Are you…” I take another breath. “Do you want to go out on dates?” I’m going to be sick. I’m going to fucking throw up. All over fucking Java Cup.
Her lips pinch. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s time that I do.”
Mac. On a date.
The cup in my hand crumples, sending hot coffee splattering every which way.
“Shit.” I jump up, shaking coffee off my hand.
Mac jumps up as well, grabbing napkins to mop the mess, until she sees my hand. “Did you burn yourself?”
She touches my reddened hand, but I snatch it away. “I’m good.” My throat is closing in on me. I can’t be here. I back away, tripping over the leg of a chair before righting myself.
“Gray,” she says in a soft plea. “I’m just trying to fix things.”
“Use me,” I blurt out.
Ivy stills, the space between her brows furrowing. “What?”
“You want to fuck someone. Fuck me.”
She rears as though I’ve spit on her face. “Are you kidding me?”
“No,” I snap, a little desperate now. “You want to have sex. Have sex with me.”
“We. Are. Friends.” She enunciates every word through her clenched teeth as color rises over her face.
“Oh, please, Ivy. You came on my fingers. I think we’re way past just friends.”
Bad route to go. Bad fucking route.
Her face flames red, her nostrils flaring. “You asshole. You think because you got an orgasm out of me that I’m now some sort of easy lay—”
“No, Ivy. No.” Fisting my hands at my sides, I lean in, lowering my voice. “That is not what I meant, okay? Just that we’re obviously attracted to each other. And there’s this tension. So why not alleviate it by—”
“No,” she hisses. “Screwing around will ruin everything. Not to mention that you’re one of my dad’s potential clients.”
A sharp breath shoots through my lungs, as if she sucker-punched the air out of me. “Your dad? You’re worried about my relationship with your dad?”
I let out a strangled curse, and rake my hand through my hair, the urge to rip it out making my hand clench. The guys had warned me about this, but I never imagined she’d think the same.
Gaze sliding away, her chin firms. “It would make things awkward, complicated between you two.”
“Then let’s make this simple. I won’t pick him as my agent.”
Ivy’s hair swings over her shoulders as she whips around to glare at me. “No. You can’t do that. I won’t be responsible for him losing you as a client. Do you have any idea how shitty that would make me feel?”
“And what about us? Am I that expendable to you?” Fuck if my voice doesn’t crack.
“Of course not.” She wraps her arms around her middle, taking a step back. “But it’s foolish to enter into a relationship with you if he’s going to be your agent.”
“We’re already in a relationship, Ivy.” My voice bounces over the walls, turning heads, drawing stares. I put my back between the room and Ivy. “And it’s the most important one of my life.”
The words barely leave my mouth when it hits me just how much I want a relationship with her. Ivy has been my girl all along, the One. I’ve just been too scared, too cautious to fully admit it to myself.
She blinks, her face pale, a bead of sweat breaking out on her upper lip. “I meant a sexual relationship.”
“Sex doesn’t have to mean the end of—”
“But it does! It always fucks things up.” Her wide brown eyes stare up at me. “Please. I don’t want to ruin everything with sex. We just need to cool things down. And it will be the same again. We’ve been in each other’s pockets…”
“Yeah. You’ve said that already.” And it’s the only place I want to be. But Mac obviously needs someone else. Jesus, does that make my ribs ache and my insides constrict. I swallow convulsively. Holy hell, but there’s a hot prickle behind my eyes. “Right. Well, I’m going now.”
Before I totally lose my shit. She doesn’t stop me. I walk out of the coffee shop, each step leaving me colder and colder, until the dark night swallows me up.
Eighteen