It’s scary how quickly life can turn to shit. One second, you’re the happiest you’ve ever been. The next, your head is spinning and your heart is a bleeding wound within your chest. Thirteen hours after Gray’s complete meltdown, I’m still reeling. And I can’t find him. He’s just gone.
Though hurt at Gray’s abandonment, I did as he asked. I’d swallowed back the urge to cry or rant and went to see the on-call doctor. One exam and a few tests later, I have my answers and am free to walk out of the clinic on legs that feel wooden and uncoordinated.
Standing on the sidewalk, I stare blankly at the parking lot. My brain has gone on vacation or something, because I can’t seem to process what I’ve been told. The results were not what I’d expected, not at all. In the distance, my little pink Fiat shines like a beacon. I focus on it, trying to bring my thoughts to order. Gray. I need to find him. I need him.
Hot rage surges up my throat, and I grind my teeth against the urge to scream. He left me. Ran away. And I know why, I do. It doesn’t stop the anger. Especially now.
I look down at the papers I’m clutching. My hand shakes a little, and I draw in a deep breath of cold December air.
Jamming the papers in my purse, I fish out my phone. The shaking has stopped, replaced by a steely determination that makes my muscles strain. Dialing, I start striding to my car.
Drew answers on the third ring.
“It’s Ivy.” My throat feels like raw meat. “I can’t find Gray.”
It’s hard telling Drew the whole, shitty story. But he needs to know why Gray took off so he can help me track him down.
“Hell,” Drew says when I finish. “I think I know where he might have gone. Let me talk to him, okay?”
“You do that.” It amazes me how calm I sound. When inside, I’m falling apart.
“Ivy.” Drew hesitates. “You have to understand—”
“I do,” I cut in. “Doesn’t make it right.”
“No,” he agrees slowly.
I sigh, wrenching open my car door. “Just let me know when you find him. I…” My voice almost breaks. I keep it together with sheer force of will. “I need to talk to him.”
“Will do,” Drew says quietly. Then hangs up.
Sitting in the little car that still carries Gray’s scent, I wrap my fingers around the steering wheel. My nails dig into the puffy, pink grips as my breathing accelerates. I won’t cry. I won’t. But a sob breaks free.
I cry myself dry in the car where it all began.
* * *
Gray
I’ve got to go back. I need Ivy, and Ivy needs me. But I can’t seem to make myself move. I’ve been working out for hours, until my body gave out on me. Sitting on the floor of the team-gym showers isn’t productive, but the scent of bleach and deodorant is familiar. Safe.
It’s quiet now, the gym long since closed. So I sit, curled up in a corner, asking myself what the fuck I’m doing. No answers come. Only this sick, fucked-up fear and the need to curl in on myself and shut everything out.
Some distant voice in my head tells me I’m losing my shit in a big, bad way. On the field, I’m a fighter. I never give up. I have got to get my head in this. But everything is silent, numb.
“Thought I’d find you here.”
I jump at the voice. My head is heavy as a rock when I lift it to find Drew in the doorway. I can’t seem to say a word. His cast thuds on the floor as he walks over. Slowly, he lowers himself next to me, his broken leg stretched out in front of him.
He doesn’t say anything, just sits close enough to press his shoulder against mine. And I remember. The night his parents died, I’d hunted him down, found him in the locker room of his school gym. I’d sat with him as he quietly lost it on my shoulder.
The memory works like a ball snap. All the terror and panic I’d been holding down rushes up. “Fuck,” I choke out, pressing my fists against my forehead as I bring my knees to my chest. “Fuck.”
Drew’s shoulder pushes harder against mine. “What’s going on, Gray?”