Finally, Bert asked to speak with Krystal privately. Jake gathered the laundry and fled to his bedroom. He turned on his stereo so he would not have to listen to their conversation.
Bert did not allow Jake to shut his bedroom door completely. Krystal appeared in his doorway, fifteen minutes later. She didn’t have the baby, which meant she wanted to discuss something serious.
She sat down on his bed, in the clear space among the stacks of his clothes. She examined a vest that was black and had a dark purple backing, and pretended to admire it.
“This is nice,” she said, and neatly folded it.
“You hate it,” said Jake.
“It’s not my style, honey.”
“I’ll put it in the storage shed,” he said.
“Have you made any new friends?”
“No,” he said.
Krystal did not respond, clearly distracted. “I have good news,” she said, clasping her hands together.
Jake carefully considered this. “But you just lost the baby weight.”
“Jake, you have to stop reading women’s magazines. Did you notice something different about Bert?”
“Are you kicking him out?” Jake’s heart leaped in his chest.
“No, honey. Something happened.”
“Okay,” said Jake as he folded a fitted sheet. He was the only member of the household who possessed this ability.
“He almost died. He’s a different man now.”
“I’ve heard that before,” said Jake. “And nobody even shot at him. It was an attempted robbery.”
“Oh, Jake,” Krystal said, and sighed.
“Whatever. You are always coming in here and making promises that he’s changed his ways, and that things are going to be better. And that lasts a couple of hours until he gets pissed off at me.”
“He’s been saved,” whispered Krystal.
“From what?” Jake handed her the properly folded fitted sheet.
“Saved,” repeated Krystal. “Like in a spiritual way.”
At this, Jake guffawed. Krystal glared but remained calm. She smoothed the sheet with the flat of her hand.
“I figured that’s what you meant,” he said, and stopped grinning. He knew his mother’s face and could see the pain it caused her.
“He’s in a better place now,” she said. “He has all sorts of plans for the future. I haven’t seen him like this since we started dating.”
“He’s been in a bad mood for two years,” said Jake. “Does this mean he’s going to get a job?”
“Like it or not, we have a baby now. He’s the head of this family,” said Krystal. “He’s had a hard life.” Jake turned away from her and pretended to examine his closet, because there were tears in his eyes. He was sick of all of the excuses. “Honey, I promise you. Everything is going to change around here.”
“That’s what you said about the baby,” said Jake.
“Bert’s getting baptized next week,” she said. “He really wants you to be there.”
“Did he say that?” He turned and addressed her directly. “Did those words really come out of his mouth?”
“No,” said Krystal.
“That’s what I thought,” said Jake.
“You will be the best-dressed person there,” said Krystal. “I just know you have a baptism outfit somewhere in here.”
“Of course I do,” snapped Jake.
Krystal handed him a stack of shirts, and Jake hung them, waiting for his mother to leave, for this conversation to be over.
“I’m not getting baptized,” said Jake, still refusing to look at her.
“This is about Bert.”
“It always is,” Jake said, and continued to stare into his closet until he heard his mother leave.
The Biggest Problem
Laverna was discharged from the hospital two days after she had been admitted. They let her go early, because she was a particularly cantankerous patient.
The casts were ridiculous. Laverna felt they could have done better, done something more convenient, and told the doctor so. Her arms were stuck straight out in front of her and propped up on tiny rods attached to a removable harness. Laverna had sustained extensive injuries up to her biceps, and now she had no use of her arms.
“You can wiggle your thumbs,” said the doctor hopefully. “That’s a good sign.”
“I don’t hitchhike,” said Laverna.
Red Mabel refused the wheelchair, as she and Laverna had managed to absolve themselves from any official hospital policy. Red Mabel opened every single door as they made their way through the hospital lobby, and they watched as the nurses finally relaxed at the front desk. Red Mabel’s truck was jacked up on giant wheels, and she had to push Laverna up into the passenger seat. Laverna rested her casts on the dashboard as they drove back to Quinn. On the ride home, plans for revenge against the Clinkenbeards were discussed, but none seemed ruthless enough.
“I think we should capture a bear and set it loose in their kitchen,” suggested Red Mabel.