Kellan’s breaths were heavy as we walked from the house to the car, as if the few steps were almost deadly to him. That worried me so much.
“See, guys?” He took a deep inhale followed by a deeper exhale. Erika helped him into the passenger seat. “I’m fine.”
Erika grimaced for a moment, before giving him a fake smile. “You’re really doing great. I can’t wait to see in a few weeks how the chemo is working, because I know it is. I just have a feeling. And I love that we are keeping our normal lives, too. That you’re still playing the guitar at places. Routine is important, the doctors say. This is good. This is all good.” Erika kept repeating the words, and I placed a comforting hand toward the front passenger seat where Kellan sat.
I saw him give me a weak smile through the rearview mirror.
We only made it a few blocks before we had to pull over the car. Kellan launched from his seat, and started throwing up on the side of the road. Erika and I both rushed to his side, holding him steady so he wouldn’t fall over.
This cancer was becoming more real each day.
I hated it.
I hated everything about this disgusting disease. How it took the strongest people in the world and forced them to be weak. How it not only touched your loved ones, but sucked them dry.
If there were a magic pill I could have to take away all of his pain and transfer it to me, I’d take it every day of my life.
My brother didn’t deserve to be going through his current struggles.
No human did.
I wouldn’t wish cancer on my worst enemy.
We got him back to the car and drove straight home, knowing there was no way Kellan could’ve performed in his current state. When we arrived to their house, both Erika and I had to help him walk into his bedroom.
“I’m fine,” he said, his voice exhausted. “I just need a little sleep. I should’ve planned the show further away from the chemo. Just a stupid mistake.”
“I’ll be in the living room studying if you need anything, okay hun?” Erika said, helping him lie down, and then covering him up. She kissed his nose, and he closed his eyes.
“Okay.”
She left the room, and I stayed behind, watching his chest rise and fall. He looked so skinny that it made me ill. How can I fix you? What can I do to make this right?
“I’m fine, Logan,” he said, as if he were reading my mind.
“I know, it’s just… I worry, that’s all.”
“Don’t waste your time. Because I’m fine.”
I shrugged my left shoulder. I love you, brother.
He shrugged his right, as if he could see my action even with his eyes closed.
“I’m gonna go out for a little bit. Have Erika call me if you need anything.”
“Going out for some cookies? For a little shake? For some adult activities with a girl named Alyssa?” he teased.
“Kellan, shut up,” I laughed.
But yeah.
That was exactly where I was going.
Chapter Thirty
Alyssa
The first time, he stood on my front porch, ran his hands through his hair, and told me to not invite him inside. Then, he came back the next day, and the next. And the next. I wanted to know the kinds of thoughts that ran through his mind each day. What his daydreams were like and what his nightmares entailed. But since we weren’t talking, I’d have to use his body language to figure it out. When he was angry with his parents, he was rough. When he was heartbroken about Kellan, his body lingered against mine a bit longer.
I stepped to the left of my doorframe. He entered the house.
We didn’t make it past the foyer this time. He ripped at my clothes, and I tore at his. He lifted me up against the front closet door, and tugged on my hair as my hands became tangled in his. My legs wrapped tightly around his waist, and he didn’t warn me before he entered. The shock sent ripples through me, making me moan his name as he began pounding me, each thrust harder than the last. I was seconds away from losing myself against him.
One of his hands gripped my back and the other squeezed my breasts as he rocked in deeper.
Feel.
Taste.
Suck.
Fuck…
We were slowly becoming addicted to the act of him showing up, and me inviting him in. Passion was our drug, and we were addicted to the high. I cried out his name as he grunted out mine. We thrust and heaved and clenched and sighed. We caught our breaths as he lowered my feet to the ground. But this time, instead of leaving my house, he started walking toward my living room.
“What are you doing?” I asked as he walked down my hallway, toward my bedroom.
“Put your clothes back on.”
“What? Why?”
“So I can take them off again.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Logan
My greatest fucking High…
Chapter Thirty-Two
Alyssa
My most painful Lo…
Chapter Thirty-Three
Logan
“She’s not home,” a kind voice said. I’d been standing there for a few minutes, knocking, waiting for her to let me in, but there hadn’t been an answer. “She’s working at Red’s piano bar tonight. She’ll be performing there all week long.”