I didn’t want to go out bloody or suffer in any way, so this morning I’d laid out a bottle of sleeping pills next to my favorite bottle of wine. I figured it wouldn’t be that hard; all I had to do was take a couple of handfuls of pills, chase them down with wine, and then go to sleep and never wake up again. In all honesty, the only thing holding me back was the fact that my death wouldn’t guarantee the safety of Junior or his family. Xavier hated losing anything that he considered his property, and it would be just like him to try to make Junior pay for my final choice. He’d never consider that he was the one to drive me to take my life by keeping me away from the man I loved. No, that would never enter his mind because that would mean he was at fault, and he had too much of a God complex to ever admit he was wrong about something.
I walked wearily over to the table and poured myself a drink as my phone started to ring. I stared at it, wanting to pick it up because I knew it was Junior. He’d been calling constantly ever since I left his house, but I hadn’t answered any of his calls. I couldn’t. Whenever I felt myself growing weak, I recalled the image of his mother’s desperate face as she held that knife to my throat, and I let it ring. I did not want to have to face that woman again and explain to her that I couldn’t stay away from her son, even though I had promised to never go near him again. I couldn’t risk it, knowing what Xavier would do to that family. In the years since my husband had gone to prison, he’d become far more dangerous than he’d ever been before, and the types of people he dealt with would do anything for him, including wipe out an entire family if he asked.
I sipped my wine, making my way over to the living room window to peek out. The blue sedan was still parked across the street with someone sitting in the driver’s seat. I didn’t know if they were staking me out in shifts or what, but that car hadn’t been moved since I came home from the Duncan estate three nights ago. They weren’t even trying to hide their presence from me. No, like everything else, Xavier was trying to send me a message, letting me know I was a prisoner in my own home.
“I’m not going to let you win, Xavier,” I said out loud, finishing off my wine then heading to the bathroom to take a much-needed shower. In the three days since I’d returned from Junior’s, I hadn’t showered or slept, and I had barely eaten. I’d called my job and taken a leave of absence, because the last thing I could imagine was taking care of anyone else right now. As a nurse, I was accustomed to being the calm in the storm, but if I walked into that hospital in my current state, my boss would probably try to admit me into the psych ward.
The shower helped to revive me enough that when I emerged from the bathroom a while later wearing the tightest, most revealing dress I owned and plenty of makeup, I felt a new determination. Everything about my attire was chosen to be a gigantic “fuck you,” and for a second it actually made me laugh. On my way to the front door, I stopped and scooped up the bottle of pills from the table. I wasn’t a hundred percent sure how this was going to go down, but if I had to die tonight, then so be it. I planned on making sure Xavier would witness it firsthand.
I stepped out into the night and sashayed across the street so that the driver of the blue sedan could see my every move. When I reached the sidewalk, I surprised him by approaching the car, opening the passenger side door, and sliding in next to him.
“Take me to your boss,” I demanded. The poor kid couldn’t have been more than twenty-two, and he looked like he was about to shit his pants.
“Ma’am, I have to call and see if it’s okay,” he mumbled.
“Then make the call. I don’t have all day,” I said, sitting casually back in my seat.
A half hour later, I was being led down a long, echoing corridor with a dark sack over my head. My guide stopped to open a door, and my knees almost gave out when I heard Xavier’s voice. I still wanted to confront him, but the reality of being around him with no prison guards in this unfamiliar place was starting to take its toll on me.
“Sit,” someone said, forcing me into a chair and then taking off my mask.
“Hello, my beautiful wife. Nice of you to come.” Xavier smiled at me, and I swear I saw the devil in his eyes. “What was so urgent you had to see me?”