Something glimmers in his gaze, then. Has he recognized me? Is he too far gone?
His hunger will always win out. Always.
No. That won’t happen. I can bring him back. I have to bring him back.
I murmur his name again, slowly reaching out my hand. My slick, blood-covered fingers meet his. He inhales sharply and for a moment I wonder if I’ve made a mistake touching him.
But then, with the little bit of him still left in control, he whispers, “How do I know you’re real?”
“Do you want me to ask you irritating questions? Or shall I tell you another silly story?” I swallow back the tremor in my voice. “Because I can do that.”
Kiaran’s smile is small. Seeing it is like winning a war. “Doesn’t matter.”
I brush my fingertips across his cheek and tell him something I’ve never forgotten. “Ten months after the king and the girl met, they got caught in an early morning downpour outside of Old Town. It was midautumn and warmer than usual. They cut through the Meadows on the way back to the city, where the puddles were so deep that the water went up to their ankles.” I slide my hand down to his collarbone, lower, until it’s right over his heart. “The girl was so elated from their hunt she thought she would burst with joy. She took off her boots and ran through the grass. She whirled in the rain. She almost asked the king to dance. But when she glanced back at him, he was watching her with the strangest look on his face.” I lean forward and press my lips to his. A soft kiss. Light. Careful. “She used to lie in bed at night trying to solve the puzzle of that look, but was never satisfied with the answer. She always wondered what he was thinking.”
“The same thing I’m thinking now.” Kiaran opens his obsidian-black eyes. “I love you.”
Then he’s kissing me, his mouth hard against mine. Demanding. Brutal. His kiss is darkness and love and grief and joy and a thousand different conflicting things because he’s battling himself and I’m all that’s left to ground him. His fingers leave trails of fire down my waist, my hips.
“I love you,” Kiaran rasps against my lips, pulling me closer. “I love you.”
His fingers tug at my clothes, urgent now. He whispers again that he loves me, an almost desperate chant. He shoves my coat down my shoulders. His fingers trace the arch of my spine and slide down the valley of my stomach. He worships me with small touches like he’ll never get enough, like I’m the only thing that can save him.
He kisses me so hard that his fangs pierce my lower lip.
I jerk away with a sharp gasp. When I look up at Kiaran, he’s staring down at my mouth, at where the blood drips onto my chin. And his eyes are dark and predatory.
Kiaran won’t be able to help me like this. One more push from the Morrigan, and talking won’t bring him back. I have to offer him the one thing I know he needs: enough of my energy to sustain him until we find the Book. Enough to sate his hunger and give him some control again.
If I go with you and I become someone you don’t recognize, don’t let me hurt you. Leave me behind if you have to. Promise me.
I lied. I knew it would come to this. I’m not keeping my promise.
I grasp the collar of my shirt to bare my neck. “I don’t want to lose you.”
Kiaran’s eyes are unfathomably deep. As deep as the ocean, as deep as the darkest parts of space. His hand slides to cup the back of my neck as he draws me forward. When he looks at me again, it’s with his last vestige of control. A wordless way of asking me, Are you sure?
“I’m sure,” I whisper.
His lips are at my neck for the barest of kisses before he bites down.
Kiaran’s bite doesn’t feel like Lonnrach’s. It’s not brutal. It isn’t violent. He holds me like he does when he kisses me. When we’re in bed, and he’s pressing himself close.
Then he sinks me to the floor and stretches his body over mine. The venom from his bite bursts through me and my body recognizes the pain. It recognizes what this is, and I go slack in his grip.
I shut my eyes.
It’s not Lonnrach. This isn’t Lonnrach. It’s Kiaran and you’re all right. You’re all right. You’re all right. You’re all—
His control shatters and he bites down harder. I press my lips together so I don’t make a sound. My powers are roaring inside me. I try to force them to hold back. But I’m getting lightheaded. My vision is blurring.
“MacKay,” I whisper. “You have to stop now.”
He tears more energy out of me and I have to bite my tongue not to cry out. “MacKay.” I try to keep my voice even. I try to say his name to bring him back. It’s not working.
My energy is leaving me faster than I can endure. I can’t whisper words anymore, not his name, not anything else. Kiaran is killing me. And if he does, he’ll break his vow to Catríona. He’ll die with me.
I’m desperate enough to use my powers, but it’s too late. I’m too weak to call them forth, to do anything. I can’t even move. His name is a breath on my lips. But he doesn’t hear me. He isn’t listening. He’s so far gone that there’s no way left to reach him.
Across the room, I see a girl in the mirrors, the one with the tattoos. She’s standing there as if she’s uncertain what to do.
Her eyes meet mine. I’m desperate enough to mouth a word to her: Help.
Those dark amber eyes intensify and I swear I feel her connect with my mind. It’s a tentative touch, a searching caress—and then a voice whispering across my thoughts in a light breeze: I wish I had known earlier that you weren’t like the others who came before. Your memories showed a safe place. I hope you find something like that again.
Then she presses a palm to the mirror and disappears. A portal opens along the wall, and I see the fire of Aithinne’s camp, my friends around it. Derrick is sitting on Gavin’s shoulder.
“Derrick,” I breathe. It takes all of my effort just to say it. “Derrick.”
He looks up as if he hears me. “Aileana?”
The others don’t notice when he flies past the fire, closer to the edges of the portal. He must see it as soon as he goes through the trees, because his eyes widen. “Aileana?” Disbelief, as if he doesn’t understand what he’s seeing.
I project the thought because it’s all I’m capable of. I need you.
“Bloody hell.” Derrick zooms past the trees and through the portal just a moment before it closes. He comes to a sudden stop as he takes in what’s happening. Me on the floor. Kiaran at my neck. My hand grasping Kiaran’s shirt as if that could make him stop. It can’t.
Help.
Derrick yanks a wicked wee blade out of his sheath. “Get the hell away from her, you filthy—” He darts forward in a flurry of wings and slices Kiaran across the back. Kiaran lifts his head with a vicious snarl full of razor-sharp teeth. When his eyes meet mine, they’re pitch black. Not a single part of Kiaran is in that gaze.
Then, with horror, I watch as his irises lighten to a bright, pure sapphire blue.
I freeze. The Morrigan. She’s taking advantage of his lack of control to possess his body.