Out in the crowded corridor a group of boys jostled around a portable radio, listening to the cricket. Australia versus South Africa. A six prompted a cheer. Friday afternoon and all was well. They had that weekend glow already.
How long, Ellie wondered, had it been since she’d felt like that? She honestly couldn’t remember. If weekdays were bad enough, the weekends were even worse. They stretched out interminably, the end seeming like it was always just over the horizon.
Not this weekend, though. She cradled the thought in her chest as she pushed her way down the corridor. After this weekend, everything would be different. This weekend had an end firmly in sight.
Still clouded in thought, Ellie jumped as someone grabbed her arm. It caught a small bruise, and she winced at the pressure.
“Hey. Where’s the fire?” Luke Hadler looked down at her.
“What do you mean?” Falk stared at Gretchen.
“You know what I mean, Aaron,” she said. “You were there. You saw exactly the same things I did. How weird she was in those last few weeks. When she actually spent any time with us, that is. She was hardly around. She was always working at that crappy job, or—well, I don’t know what. Not hanging around with us, anyway. And she’d completely stopped drinking, do you remember? She said it was to lose weight, but with the benefit of hindsight that sounds like bullshit.”
Falk nodded slowly. He did remember that. He’d been surprised because she’d probably been fonder of the booze than the rest of them. Not entirely surprising given her family line.
“Why do you think she’d stopped?”
Gretchen gave a sad shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe she didn’t trust herself with alcohol. Wasn’t sure what she might do. And I hate to say it, but Luke had a point, that night when we had that big argument at the lookout.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I don’t mean he was right to trick us,” she said hastily. “That was a horrible move. But what he said about Ellie not being able to take a joke anymore. He shouldn’t have said it, but it was true. She really couldn’t. She didn’t have to laugh at that stupid stunt, obviously, but by then she wasn’t laughing at anything. She was always sober and serious and disappearing off on her own. You remember.”
Falk sat in silence. He did.
“And I think—” Gretchen stopped.
“Think what?”
“I think if you’re honest with yourself, you’ve suspected for a long time now that Ellie Deacon was abused.”
Ellie pulled her arm out of Luke’s grip and rubbed the mark. He didn’t seem to notice.
“Where are you racing off to? You want to go into town and get a Coke or something?” Luke’s voice was overly casual. Ellie had lost count of the number of times he’d tried to engineer one-on-one time with her since the fight at the lookout. So far she’d always brushed him off. It had occurred to her that he might be trying to apologize, but she couldn’t summon the energy or interest to find out. That was Luke through and through, she thought. You had to put yourself out even to get an apology from the guy. Anyway, even if she wasn’t still pissed off with him, today was never going to be his lucky day.
“I can’t. Not now.”
She deliberately didn’t apologize. She did wonder briefly if she should try to bury the hatchet, for old times’ sake. They’d known each other for years. There was history there. Then his face clouded, and by the sulky way he looked at her she knew it wasn’t worth the effort. Ellie Deacon had had enough men in her life who wanted more from her than they gave back. She didn’t need another. She turned away. Better to forget it. Luke Hadler was who he was, and that would never change.
Falk looked down as guilt and regret swelled in his chest. Gretchen reached out and touched his arm.
“I know it’s not easy to admit,” she said. “But the signs were there. We were just too young and self-centered to read them.”
“Why didn’t she tell us?” Falk said.
“Maybe she was scared. Or felt a bit embarrassed, even.”
“Or maybe she felt no one cared.”
Gretchen looked at him. “She knew you cared, Aaron. That’s why she was drawn to you over Luke.”
Falk shook his head, but Gretchen nodded.
“It’s true. You were so stable. Someone she could rely on. You would have listened if she’d tried to talk. OK, yes, Luke was flashier and smoother than you. But that’s not always a good thing. Luke was the star, but most people don’t like just being the afterthought in their own lives. It’s not like that with you. You’ve always cared more about other people than yourself. Otherwise you wouldn’t still be here in Kiewarra.”
“Hey, Ellie.”
She was halfway down the hall, feeling Luke’s eyes on the back of her neck, when she heard the voice from an empty classroom. Inside, Aaron Falk was packing labeled potted plants into a large cardboard box. She smiled to herself and went in.
“How’d the presentation go? More top marks?” she said, curling an escaping fern tendril around her finger and tucking it back into the box.
Aaron shrugged modestly. “I don’t know. OK. Plants aren’t really my thing.” He wouldn’t say it, Ellie knew, but he would have aced it. When it came to all things academic, Aaron barely had to lift a finger. She’d also been barely lifting a finger this past year, but with markedly different results. The teachers had stopped bothering her about it a while ago.
He closed the box and hoisted it up, awkwardly balancing it in his long arms. “This is going to be a pain to get home. Fancy giving me a hand? There’s a Coke in it for you.”
His voice was as casual as Luke’s had been, but he colored slightly and avoided her eyes. Things had been a little weird ever since they’d kissed at the rock tree. The fight at the lookout hadn’t helped. She felt an urge to explain herself but couldn’t think of the words. Instead, she wanted to take his face in her hands, kiss him again, and tell him he had done everything he could.
He was still waiting, and she wavered. She could go with him. It wouldn’t take long. But no, she told herself firmly. She had made her decision. She had somewhere else to be.
“I can’t. I’m sorry,” she said, meaning it.
“No worries.” His smile was genuine, and she felt a pang of deep regret. Aaron was one of the good guys. He always made her feel safe.
You should tell him.
The idea popped into her head, unbidden. She shook her head once. No. She couldn’t tell him. That was stupid. It was too late. He’d only try to stop her now. But then, when she looked at his open face, she felt her insides wrench with a loneliness that made her wonder if maybe, in fact, that was exactly what she wanted.
“Poor Ellie,” Falk said. “Christ, we were supposed to be her friends, and we all let her down.”
Gretchen looked at her hands. “I know. I feel guilty about it too. But try not to beat yourself up too much. Other people must have suspected and turned a blind eye. You were a kid. You did the best you could. And you were always good to her.”