“Saving them at their Awakening was a Band-Aid.” Saying it hurt, but made it no less true. “I need to stop the root of the attacks themselves.”
Constantine started laughing, and I felt Axer shift into a more alert position. “We just spent the better part of two days running away from anyone with enough firepower to capture an Origin Mage. Anyone who can put together a team is coming after us—special forces, mercenaries, bounty hunters, pirates, brigands. You are vomiting paint like it’s exhaled air. This dome is going to collapse at any time, and you want to enter one of the most secure facilities in the Second Layer—a layer that is trying to lock down on your magic before taking you in for testing?”
I swallowed. “Yes.”
Constantine was suddenly looming over me, his palm pressed to my chest with magic. “Do you remember this?”
A deep bone-numbing emptiness invaded me; cold feelings of darkness, rage, and certainty that weren’t mine spreading through my chest making it hard to breathe.
Axer ripped his hand away from me, fingers digging into Constantine’s wrist, and though he immediately tried to shake him off, Constantine never looked away from me.
“Do you remember that?” he demanded.
“I remember,” I said stiffly. I couldn’t look at Axer as I recalled Stavros’s feelings of pleasure and triumph when he used me to kill him. “You know I haven’t forgotten.”
“Then why in the hell would you—”
“Christian was killed in this sadistic game that Stavros is running. That Raphael and Kaine are playing. Rosaria killed her own brother during her Awakening. Because the Second Layer is run by an evil man who made certain that when she Awakened, she did so violently. And each newly Awakened mage, as well as every citizen in every layer, is in danger as long as he has power.”
Constantine shook free and leaned in toward me again, his handsome face contorted. “Stavros is going to take you and he will change you into something else. And there is nothing I will be able to do to save you.”
I looked up at him. “He won’t stop at me, Con. Something worse is coming. Maybe more mass Awakenings. Maybe the collapse of the First Layer. Maybe by me, even.” I looked at my hands. “I have power. I have might. I have the will to drive out the enemies of those I love. And I will not be stopped in that. They aren't wrong—those who claim I'm dangerous. I am. I have emotions just like anyone else and I make mistakes. But my mistakes can be world ending. It's my fault the ferals were taken.”
“And you think that going after him will fix anything? He wants you to go to him. He’s baiting you. He is flushing you out.”
“Flushing me out, boxing me in. It doesn't matter. This affects more than me, and I'm behind. I've been behind, playing catch up, since my brother sparked lightning between his palms. I'm not waiting for Stavros's next maneuver. I'm not waiting to pick up the pieces.”
I couldn't. The pieces were too painful. Moving forward, moving ahead, was the only way to stop the shattering.
“You will be caught. You have almost been caught each damn time.”
The dried leaves around us caught fire. Guard Rock jumped upward. The cat vaulted and caught him midair in its teeth. They landed beyond the ring of flames. Smoke curled from Constantine's fingertips, furious sparks firing his brown eyes.
I smothered the flames licking the edges of the garden with a swipe of my palm. “So have you. How many times did you travel between Excelsine and the compound? How many trips did you almost not complete because you were nearly caught?”
“No one cares about me. You get caught by Stavros and you won't be you anymore,” he bit out, then laughed bitterly, stepping back. “But you are going to do this regardless of what I say. I can feel the strength of the thoughts running through your mind. I'm going to lose you, too. Out one day, never to return.”
“That's not—”
“I let you in.” He reentered my space, as if he could do nothing else. “I let you get close, so I could get closer to Verisetti. Stupid.”
“And here I thought my power was half the draw,” I said evenly.
“Your stupid sense of loyalty. Your stupid trust. Your brilliance. You are my weakness. And I thought I had gotten rid of those.” He laughed bitterly, but not before his gaze slid to his roommate who was standing stiller than still. Looking at Axer only seemed to make Constantine angrier, though. He turned back to me, more furious. “And all these shivits are going to follow you gladly. They are going to let you die. Be taken to the basement, be implanted with something not-Ren. Become nothing of the person you are. Gone. Left. Leaving.”
He stepped away. “Everyone leaves,” he said, tone abruptly detached from his emotions.
And I could feel an old reaction from him—his emotions trying to curl around and sever the heavy, girded ties between us. Leaving first before someone could leave him.
But he stepped physically closer again, as if he couldn't bear to do it.
I took a step into him and grabbed his cheeks with both hands, forcing his head down. “I'm not going anywhere.” I gave him a shake, then let my fingers mirror the same motions that he had done to me days before, repeating the same sentiment back. “That's what you said to me. I'm not going anywhere either.”
He looked down at me, motionless. “You will have no choice. Just like you do with the ferals, with your brother, with your friends—you take on the struggles of those you hold dear and leave nothing for yourself.”
“I have to stop whatever Stavros is doing,” I said quietly, without releasing him. “The world depends—”
“I. Don't. Care. About. The world.” He ripped away from me.
“But I must. It—”
“If you say it's your duty, I swear this dimension will no longer remain standing,” he said savagely. “And you.” He spun, transferring his anger to Axer, who was watching and listening. “You are encouraging her. You are willing to let her die in some quest to save humanity. Just like you are always willing to do.”
“She can’t be hidden, Constantine, no matter what either of us do.”
I wiped the side of my mouth, removing the paint I couldn’t swallow down.
Constantine's magic worked for a moment in the way that said he was planning to do something harmful with it.
The only tell was the slightest stiffening of Axer’s jaw muscles. “Yes, I already know how you feel.”
“You know how I...” Constantine struggled with it for a moment, before pulling his arm back and propelling a ball of sickly gray at him. Axer caught it, drained it, and formed the nucleus into a bright blue ball of coiled energy. He let it drop and it burst into a liquid on the ground. The liquid surged forward until it reached Constantine, then ran straight up his body and made him pulse with life.
This only seemed to enrage him more.