“Con—”
“Do you want to save one mage, Ren, or a thousand? A million?”
I maintained eye contact. “I have to start with one.”
He spread his fingers. “But you can't. You can never choose only one. You can never choose to sacrifice just one, and because of that, you lose ten, then twenty. Which is why you lose at chess when it involves live pawns. Put people in place of carved wood and your whole game falls apart. For every pawn you save, you lose a more powerful piece. You can't save every pawn. You know you can't.”
He flicked the holo of Axer to the floor.
I retrieved it, then rubbed my thumb over the knuckles of my other hand, staring at the moving images.
“It’s only a matter of time before Stavros is given permission to invade, Ren.”
“I know,” I said quietly. “And I regret endangering the people by being here, but Stavros can’t hunt me here. Not yet.” I looked at the dense lines of the wards I had looped over the compound.
“You need a permanent place to hide.”
“I don’t think permanence is an option for me anymore.” I tried to smile, determined to lighten the mood. “Good thing I’ve always enjoyed travel.”
“With all your ducklings somewhere else? I don’t think so.”
Guard Rock nudged me with his pencil and pointed at Constantine with an open hand gesture as if asking permission to stab him.
“Itlantes will open its gates to you,” Constantine said, emotions and voice tight as he watched the hologram of his roommate. “And you will find many options there for your friends.”
I tightened my fingers into fists. “I'm not putting Axer’s family in danger.” The Dares' situation was a powder keg already. There was absolutely zero chance that the public would permit either the ferals or me to go there—not with the easy, negative spin the Department could put on it. I wasn't going to start another Great War in the Second Layer.
“The Dares are always looking for an excuse to go to war,” Constantine said, all tension hid beneath torpidity. “You would simply be giving them one.”
“No. It wouldn't just be twenty countries fighting them this time—they would face every country that believes the Department’s spin and believes in Stavros' goodwill.”
“I know the Dares. I grew up with their favorite. You underestimate their power and willingness to fight. Especially when they consider something theirs.” Constantine looked to the side, expression pulling as tight as the ribbon through his fingers. His expression loosened abruptly, and he rolled his head around his neck. “And you underestimate the Dares’ desire to rule the entire layer.”
“Axer, running the world? I don't think so.” I couldn't imagine him enjoying anything less.
“He was bred to be a warrior and protector, but if you haven't seen how he holds the attention of all around him, you haven't been paying attention,” he said bitterly, flinging his ribbon to the table.
I examined him, mystified. “Why do you want me to go there?”
He didn’t say anything for a long moment. “Because once you are there, they will stop you from leaving. They will wage the war.”
“They would stop me from saving new ferals.”
“Yes,” he said shortly.
“Then you know why I can’t go,” I said simply.
He clenched his teeth.
“I can save them. I can save all of them. If all of you are safe, I can do anything,” I said, looking at the table. “And Marsgrove is keeping everyone safe at Excelsine like he promised—except you, who keeps escaping.”
The dark feelings roiling through him didn't cease, but I could feel him unwillingly shifting within a tide I couldn't see.
“Then you know why I can’t go back,” he said.
My head jerked to him. “No, absolutely n—”
He stabbed a finger on top of mine, pinning it to the ribbon and table as he leaned forward. “You make your choice, and I make mine.”
I swallowed down the “I won’t let you” that I desperately wanted to say.
He tossed a device onto the table—a familiar one, already glowing. “You are thinking old thoughts. And disregarding others’ feelings for you. There is no shortage of people willing to help.”
I stared at the device and licked dry lips. “I used the portal pad today that Will and I—”
“That's not what I meant.”
I fiddled with the ribbon on the table, watching the whorls grow as I twisted it in the light.
“I know,” I whispered and looked away from him. “I don’t want any of you hurt. And I...I want to be the one to save the ferals.”
Constantine, for all his polemic leanings, stayed silent while I divested myself of my boots and the last bit of my gear—trying also to divest myself of the admission, the dark secret I had kept clasped to my chest.
“I know that makes me selfish.” I didn't meet his gaze.
“You seek to assuage a guilt you should not possess,” he said.
“Not guilt. Not..” I shook my head. “I have the power to do it. I am saving them. I've saved every single one since I was expelled.”
“And when you finally miss one?”
I swallowed and looked at my glowing hands.
“I care little for these pets of yours,” he said, body listlessly draping the chair, emotions tight. “In point of fact, I rather loathe each new one as you trade your safety for theirs.”
“I can stay ahead of the praetorians.”
“Mmmm. Well, everyone in your little circle is losing their minds right now.” He pulled a loop of magic around his temple lazily as if he could hear them. Constantine didn’t have a frequency, but he had something more efficient that had never been named. It allowed contact with everyone through means that couldn’t be tracked. “And Alexander’s putting his affairs in order. It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to go to Itlantes; Alexander's going to cart you off as soon as he escapes his campus responsibilities. As soon as he isn't integral to Excelsine's stability. He will be leaving, if not legally at the end of the term, then as a fugitive.”
I withdrew the toasted supplies from my cloak, needing something else to concentrate on, and started fixing the most crippled device first. “Julian Dare’s made that known.”
Axer’s uncle had tried to grab me, two days ago. He'd followed me all the way to the Third Layer. I had to give him credit for his tracking abilities.
Unfortunately for Julian, the Third Layer's denizens didn't trust him anymore than they trusted Stavros. He was drenched in Department spells, and the Dares weren't known for being involved in anything that wasn't for their benefit. Julian had been unequivocally unwelcome in the halls of the Outlaw Territory tribes.
He would always be a tracking step behind when I started a quest from behind their warded walls. His nephew, however, once freed of campus, would have no problem tracking me anywhere.
“You go to Itlantes with Alexander, not with Julian,” Constantine said darkly. “Alexander isn’t the one who will take Stavros’ place in the new world you seek to flip.”