She would go home, she decided. Her mum and dad would be furious with her and probably ground her for eternity, but with all her heart she longed to be in her own bed. She wasn’t ready yet for this adult world of secrets and lies, drugs and romance.
Tears streaked down Beth’s face, and she wiped at them quickly, fearing what would happen to her make-up. Bad enough that she looked like a stupid little baby, crying like this, but to have panda eyes too would really finish her off.
In the brilliant light of the gibbous moon, which hung large in the sky, she could see a shape rising up from the endless flat of the fens. Her heart thudded momentarily, terror seizing her. Then she laughed. Stupid; it was the stunted sycamore that grew on the marsh side of the sea bank. That meant she had another twenty minutes to walk before she even reached the lane.
A voice called her, making her whirl round.
‘Wait! Beth, wait a minute!’
Her best friend jogged as best she could in her heels along the top of the sea bank, tracing Beth’s footsteps. When Chloe reached her, she was out of breath – but still angry, from the look on her face.
‘What the hell are you playing at? I can’t believe you left me like that. And what the fuck are we going to do now? We can’t go home!’
‘It’s not my f-fault,’ Beth sniffed. ‘I was so h-h-humiliated. I couldn’t have stayed there!’
‘Well, I’ve got no chance with Aleksy now, have I? The whole night’s ruined because of you.’ Chloe’s hands were going nuts again, leaping all over the place as she spoke. She hadn’t even bothered asking how Beth felt.
‘Yeah, well, you’re the one who wanted drugs!’
‘Shit, Beth, want to say that a bit louder? Someone might hear you, for fuck’s sake. We’re not at the fucking rave any more.’
‘Oh, stop swearing. It doesn’t make you sound older, you just sound like an idiot.’
‘God, you’re such a child!’
‘Drama queen!’
‘Mardy bitch!’
‘Right, well, if I’m such a mardy bitch, I’m going home.’
‘Don’t you dare, Beth. You’ll drop me in shit.’
‘Don’t care.’
Beth turned her back and started to walk. Her boots were beginning to rub, and their weight hurt her ankles. She couldn’t wait to get home.
For a moment she thought she heard someone out in the darkness, but no, it was the wind rustling the grass… wasn’t it?
Chloe ran in front of her and planted herself firmly. Hands on hips, head cocked to one side. ‘You’ve ruined things between me and Aleksy. You don’t even want him, you want that old fart, James Harvey! So why ruin things between me and Aleksy?’
‘I didn’t ruin anything. I’ve never shown him any interest, Chloe! I don’t care about Aleksy; he’s nice, but he’s not my type. Have him!’
‘Have him? So, like, take your fucking cast-offs? I don’t think so.’
‘Oh my God, it’s like arguing with a brick wall! Have him, don’t have him, be my friend, don’t be my friend, I don’t give a toss.’
Chloe got a look in her eyes of pure fury. Her hand flew back and she slapped at Beth, hard. But Beth caught her hand. She was used to dodging Chloe, lately. Her friend got so angry sometimes, her temper out of control, flashing like lightning then disappearing equally fast.
The first time Chloe had hit her, about four months earlier, she’d been mortified afterwards. She had apologised over and over. Promised it would never happen again. She was Beth’s Best Friend Forever, so of course the girl had forgiven her. But then the same thing had happened. Several times.
Beth hadn’t told anyone about these uncontrollable rages. The bruises were easy to hide; most of the blows were landed on her body, and Chloe was always so embarrassed afterwards that Beth didn’t have the heart to get her into trouble.
Mrs Clarke had once caught her daughter punching Beth in the kidneys, and assured Beth that she was going to arrange for a counsellor – until then they had agreed it was best if it were kept a secret. Chloe had made her pinkie-promise.
There had been times over the last four months when Beth had almost confessed to her parents. But it sounded so stupid saying that Chloe had a bad temper. As for the promised counselling, Mrs Clarke kept making excuses about why it still hadn’t been sorted. Sometimes Beth suspected Chloe’s mother was worried about what people would think if it got out that she had a violent daughter.
Out on the marsh, though, Beth had had enough. She wouldn’t be someone’s punchbag any more. Glaring at Chloe and, never flinching, she threw her friend’s arm away from her.
‘Don’t you dare touch me,’ she said, voice steady, despite the blood thumping in her ears. Then she turned and walked away.
‘Beth. Beth! Get back here.’
But she refused to listen to her Best Friend Forever. It was a long way home, she thought, so she had better get going. Once there, she decided, she would break her pinkie promise and let her parents in on her secret. She would tell the truth, and get her best friend the help she needed. She felt bad, but keeping secrets from her parents made her feel uncomfortable. While she was at it, she would throw away that stupid make-believe book about her and James flipping Harvey. She was so over him.
Beth had had enough of secrets and lies to last her a lifetime.
The wind rose to a howl, the sycamore’s branches rattling. The brent geese took off with loud cries of consternation. Beth didn’t hear Chloe behind her. The blow, when it came, was totally unexpected.
Seventy-Five
Flo’s eyes were brimming with sadness as, finally, she spoke.
‘I have to tell you that Chloe Clarke has been charged with assaulting Beth.’
Little Chloe? Your best friend?
‘That can’t be right.’ Each word was slow, as if dragged from the depths. I felt heavy, numbed. Each movement, each blink, seemed to take forever. I noticed the ticking of the clock. Flo’s hands falling open, palms up, apologetic. Her agonised stare, tears sparkling then blinking away rapidly.
I turned to Jacob, convinced I had heard wrong. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed repeatedly, trying to digest the news that a child had caused so much damage to our child.
Oh God, Beth. All the people I had suspected. All the people I’d accused. But I hadn’t seen the one person who was guilty.
‘How?’ My voice rough and quiet. I cleared my throat, tried again. ‘I don’t understand… There has to have been a mistake.’
We had taught you about stranger danger, Beth. We’d never taught you not to trust your best friend.
‘Did Ursula know?’ I asked.
As Flo nodded, I jumped up, sprinting towards the loo. Veering off at the last second to grab the wastebasket as the contents of my stomach poured out. I spat out the last of the vomit, and swore shakily.