I carefully did your nails, the pear drop smell of varnish filling the room. Glancing at Jacob, I barked out a laugh at the sight of your dad trying to do his. His left hand wasn’t too bad, but his right…
‘Oh my goodness, your dad looks like he’s been attacked by the sparkle monster! You should see the state of him!’ I grinned. Then had to turn away because of the tears.
You should have seen him. You should have opened your eyes, Beth.
Those days, the only time I saw your eyes, grey-green as the sea, was when a medic pulled your eyelid up to check pupil response. They were expressionless and unfocused, not full of the bright spark of your personality.
If I thought it would have brought you back, Beth, I’d have killed the whole world. Everyone. If I thought it would have brought you back, I’d have gladly given my own life, without a second’s hesitation.
I wiped my face, put my shoulders back and turned again to my family. Jacob gave me a look of understanding, his own eyes reddening. But if I acknowledged it, I’d break down. So instead, I grabbed up a nail polish.
‘What’s this one? Ah yes, Glitterati Fashion Icon. That’s the one for me because, well, I am, aren’t I!’ I leaned into Beth’s ear and stage-whispered: ‘Actually, don’t even look at what I’m wearing, Beth. Yep, it’s my favourite jumper, the comfy one you say makes me look like an abominable snowman.’
You were right; it was a thick cream Arran, but I loved it. It was snuggly and warm and comforting.
‘Well, you must be a bit of a fashion icon, because Beth does borrow your clothes sometimes,’ Jacob said.
‘Good point. Ha! Caught you out there, Beth. You’re much slimmer than me, so it’s a bit depressing seeing someone so young and gorgeous in my outfits – but then again, it makes me feel I must be a bit trendy still. Still got it, eh? “Like peas in a pod,” Granny Heather says, remember? Ha, I wish! Well, I’m not as slim as you, but you’re not as tall as me – yet.’
‘Yeah, but you’ll both always be short-arses.’
‘You’re not exactly massive yourself, Jacob!’
‘Well, neither of you are ever going to get near five ten, not even in your heels,’ he teased.
I gasped.
That was it. That was what was strange about what Alison had said to me the other day.
Sixty-Four
All those times I had tried to work out what was odd about Alison’s conversation, but it had eluded me. Then, like trying to remember a word on the tip of my tongue, it had come to me the second I stopped thinking about it. Now I had the answer.
Alison had said you were as tall as she was when you were wearing heels.
But you were short, like me, Beth. Even in heels I wouldn’t be able to look Alison right in the eye. She was about five feet nine inches, only around an inch shorter than Jacob. There was no way, even in heels, that you or I were as tall as she was.
Why was this bugging me so much?
Unless…
The last time Alison saw you, you were as tall as each other. Which meant that you were wearing more than heels – you were wearing your brand-new platforms, with the ridiculous two-inch sole and six-inch heels. That would take you up to a relatively towering five feet eight and a half inches.
And the only time you had ever worn those boots was on the night you were attacked.
I gasped again, a drowning woman coming up for air, as the realisation came. Jacob wrapped me in a hug, comforting me, with no idea that I’d just had a breakthrough. But I couldn’t tell him. Not tonight, when we’d been the closest we had felt to a family for weeks and weeks. Not when he and my parents had spent time lecturing me on how worried they were with my investigation.
He would think it was my imagination.
But this business with Alison definitely meant something. I buried my face in Jacob’s neck, breathing in his wood resin scent, so that he couldn’t see my eyes. They weren’t sparkling with tears, but excitement. It was a minute before I trusted myself to come out of his embrace.
‘Hey, I think I’m about ready for a film now. How about we put Divergent on, eh?’
Jacob kissed me on the top of my head and gave a muffled ‘good idea’ into my hair.
But as we watched, my mind raced.
Alison saw you the night you were attacked.
That meant James had been there too.
I knew it! I’d been right in thinking I could find clues the police were missing. Thank God I hadn’t listened to everyone telling me to stop. Glenn had been the only person to have faith in me.
Perhaps Alison and James had ambushed you, like some modern-day Myra Hindley and Ian Brady. Perhaps she and James were running some kind of paedophile ring together. Drugging young girls and taking pictures and videos of them? I’d read a lot worse in the newspapers. It seemed crazy that something so depraved could be happening right under my nose, though, here in sleepy little Fenmere. Perhaps Alison had simply discovered your crush on James and had hit out in a fit of jealousy.
The credits rolled. As Jacob put Frozen on, I chewed over the riddle that Jill posed. Although Glenn and I had found nothing suspicious at the RAF lookout tower, something about that place worried her. That was why she had chosen to demolish me with a few choice words. She could be stern, but cruelty was not her usual style.
Running repeatedly through the confrontation the night before, searching for clues, I stroked your hand and silently begged you for inspiration.
*
When Jacob nipped out to the loo, I hurriedly whispered all my suspicions and questions to you, Beth. Did you hear me? I hoped hearing that I was edging closer to the truth would spur you on to come round again. Give you the extra impetus you needed.
The breathing machine held as steady as ever. The heart rate monitor remained constant.
‘If you can understand me, squeeze my hand. Did Alison hurt you?’
Nothing.
‘James?’
Nothing.
‘Jill? Aleksy?’
Not even a twitch.
I leaned closer.
‘Dad?’
I was appalled that I’d let my paranoia reach this height.
Jacob was virtually chivvied from the house as soon as he got up. We’d got home from the hospital at about 2.30 a.m., and he had managed to snatch some sleep before heading off to work. Although tired, he looked so much happier than he had the morning before. Just from the way he carried himself, the set of his shoulders was less tense; he positively radiated relief, convinced that he and my parents, along with a nudge from Flo and Jill, had got through to me.
He was so relieved he didn’t seem to notice my feverish desperation to shove him out the door. I forced myself to wait five whole minutes before getting into my own car.