I stared across the half-empty pub. Realised I was once again drinking on a Monday evening. I barely drank before your attack, Beth, remember?
‘Thing is, I’ve b-been thinking,’ I hiccuped. ‘Did she mean a person, or did she mean the, the, er, the old RAF lookout tower? Hey, did I tell you about Alison Daughtrey-Drew and the pills?’
He whistled as I related what I’d seen.
‘Right, well, it happened outside the shop. What if she bought them off Jill?’
‘Jill? A drug dealer?’ He raised an eyebrow and we both sniggered at the ridiculousness of it. ‘But I’ve had a thought myself.’
‘Uh-oh, here comes the dreaded pink pad.’
He ignored me and opened up the notebook. ‘Right, yes,’ he said, finding his place. ‘I think we should look closer at Aleksy.’
‘Oh, Glenn. That was just racist nonsense.’
‘Yes, the mob’s racial slurs were ridiculous, but I can’t help wondering. No smoke without fire, and all that. We only abandoned Aleksy as a suspect because of James Harvey.’
He had a point. I conceded with a wobble of my head.
‘So many people to consider,’ I murmured, picking up my glass to take another glug.
Someone grabbed the stem, lifting it away from my lips.
‘Hey!’ I flailed after it as it floated beyond my reach. Then focused behind it. ‘Jacob! What are you doing here? Ooh, you look kind of frowny… Cheer up, might never happen.’ I giggled, but Jacob didn’t seem to get the joke.
‘You’re coming home, Mel. It’s six o’clock; I’ve been waiting for you so we can go to the hospital.’
Cold voice. Barely controlled anger in his blue eyes. I didn’t want to go home with that. So I turned away. Tried to catch Dale’s eye to order another drink. Jacob’s hand on my shoulder pulled me, trying to turn me.
‘Get off!’ I was louder than I wanted to be. But so what? ‘I’m not a kid. I’ll come home when I’m good and ready.’
‘Come on, mate, you’re only going to make things worse.’ Glenn had leaned over from his bar stool to address your dad.
Uh-oh, that was not going to turn Jacob’s frown upside down. He flexed his hands, opening and closing them into fists, as if fighting an urge.
‘You’re the one making things worse. Keep away from my wife, understand?’ His face pushed towards Glenn’s.
Glenn stood with glacial speed, but didn’t move his face away. He hunched over Jacob, staring right into his eyes, unblinking. His chubby cheeks and boyish grin had taken on an unfamiliar look.
‘When Melanie tells me to stay away, I will.’
Then he straightened and sat back down again, still looking right at my husband. Deliberately, he let his eyes slide over to mine.
‘Do you want to go home, Melanie?’ he asked.
Suddenly I felt a lot more sober. ‘Think I better had,’ I replied quietly.
Jacob put his arm around me. It looked loving, but there was no wriggling from it, no denying the inexorable force he exerted that kept me by his side and propelled me across the room.
The darn step caught me out as we got outside, and I stumbled slightly.
‘Look at the state of you. You’re wrecked.’
‘So what?’
‘So, we’re meant to be seeing Beth tonight. I’ll have to call my parents, get them to go instead.’
‘There’s no need—’
‘There’s every need, Mel.’
He shoved the key in the door with more force than necessary. As soon as I was inside, he slammed it shut.
‘Ooh, Wiggins…’ I remembered, pointing back towards the pub.
‘Wiggins is here, look.’
Oh, yes. Jacob let him off his lead. Maybe I was more drunk than I’d thought. It was all Jill Young’s fault, the old battleaxe, having a go at me for no reason.
Jacob settled me on the sofa and handed me a glass of water.
‘I wish you’d stop drinking so much,’ he began.
‘I don’t drink that much…’
‘You do since you started spending time with Glenn Baker. He’s a bad influence. Drinking, being paranoid, falling out with neighbours and family friends. You’ve been different since you started hanging around with him.’
‘It’s not him that’s changed me, it’s the fact that our daughter is never going to wake up.’
My hands flew to cover my mouth, to try to shove back the words I’d said. Your dad’s jaw clenched, the muscles flexing. Neither of us could believe the betrayal of my words.
‘Beth’s going to get better,’ said Jacob. Stiff. Staring at his hands, fingers knitted together in front of him, rather than at me.
‘Of course, of course. But…’
There it was, the terrible thought I’d been running from for all these weeks. The fear I’d been hiding away from. The reason why I avoided visiting you, Beth. The reason why I drank to forget. I made myself whisper the words, hoping that might soften the blow.
‘But what if she doesn’t, Jacob?’
‘You think you’re the only one struggling? The only one hurting? I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.’
Flinging up his arms in despair, he walked out, slamming the door. It was such an un-Jacob-like thing to do, I was shocked. Wiggins whined uncomfortably at the atmosphere, the sudden shouting, then the absence of sound.
‘It’s all right,’ I whispered.
I reached for him but misjudged and toppled off the sofa onto all fours. He scurried away, into his bed, and looked at me with his ears back. Wouldn’t be coaxed out.
Not even my own dog recognised me any more. What had I become, Beth?
Fifty-Nine
BETH
FRIDAY 22 JANUARY
Some people grew up wanting a fairy-tale ending, but Beth had grown up looking at her parents – and she wanted a marriage like theirs. Her mum and dad were so happy together. Laughing and chatting and enjoying each other’s company. They even walked down the street together holding hands, still. Beth’s mates were seriously disturbed by the sight; they didn’t know anyone else’s parents who were like it.
Beth felt sure she had found a soulmate in James Harvey. He was kind, sensitive, intelligent. His eyes didn’t glaze over when she talked about wildlife; in fact, he was passionate about saving the environment too. He read loads of books, played guitar beautifully and got on well with her parents. He was the full package, right down to how well groomed he looked.
As they kissed, his hands slid onto Beth’s shoulders. For a moment everything was wonderful. Perfect.
Then it all went wrong.
Like dominoes falling, once that first thing had gone awry, it started a chain reaction.
Sixty
Even with my eyes closed, the sunlight burned brightly on my retinas. I groaned and, with some effort, managed to turn my head away. It gave an extra-hard pound that felt like my eyes might explode from the pressure until I rested it back on the pillow as gently as I could.