‘See, we all know everything about each other. Yet no one knows who hurt Beth? I don’t buy it!’
He looked at me seriously. ‘If you really believe someone here knows something, why not find out the truth yourself?’
I looked at him for long seconds, taking in what he’d said. Made a decision.
‘I need a wee.’
I turned and fell flat on my face.
Twenty-Seven
BETH
SATURDAY 9 JANUARY
Chloe sat on the edge of Beth’s bed, swinging one leg backward and forward, as the pair of them sang along to Taylor Swift. Beth stood suddenly and grabbed her hairbrush to use as a microphone. Chloe snatched up the blue teddy that had always lived on Beth’s pillow, but which she’d recently downgraded to sitting on her desk instead. It was childish having him out, it had recently occurred to her, but she couldn’t quite stand to put him away yet.
Her best friend started pulling at his arms, up and down, in and out. Making him do a jig.
‘Hey, be careful of Jesus. Don’t tear him.’
Chloe giggled. ‘OMG, Beth, I’d forgotten he was called that. Why the fuck did you call him that anyway?’
She had started swearing a lot lately, though never in front of any parents. She thought it made her look older, tougher. Like she’d thought smoking would make her look more grown-up, until she had vomited after smoking three on the trot while showing off in front of Jason Salter a few months ago. He’d taken pictures and posted them on Instagram and Snapchat. It had taken her a while to live that one down.
Beth thought swearing was kind of pathetic, but kept quiet. She envied Chloe her confidence. Chloe acted as if from the moment she was born she’d known she would conquer the world. Beth was a lot less sure of herself when not in front of those she knew well.
‘Earth calling Beth. Anyone there? Why the fuck did you call your teddy Jesus?’
Beth laughed. ‘Because as a kid I thought all babies were called Jesus. You know, at Christmas it’s always “the baby Jesus” that we’re told about. This was my baby, so there was only one name for him.’
‘Baby Jesus. Like, that’s so hilarious!’
Chloe put the teddy back, then leapt onto the bed and rolled onto her stomach, legs waving in the air.
‘So, how buff is Aleksy? He keeps sitting near us, have you noticed?’
Her eyes twinkled with mischief, but Beth refused to get drawn on that subject. No way.
‘Ooh! Love this song,’ she said instead, as Justin Bieber came on. They sang along, both giggling at the line about loving yourself.
At the end, Chloe sighed. ‘So, you’ll never guess what Mum’s up to now. She’s, like, so embarrassing.’
Beth’s stomach dropped. This was it. Chloe would reveal she knew what Beth had already discovered. The secret would be out.
What Chloe told Beth stunned her even more. Because the revelation was nothing of the sort – it was simply that Ursula was looking into having a facelift.
‘The Botox clearly isn’t enough any more,’ Chloe added, her eyebrows arched cattily.
Her best friend shook her head in despair and laughed.
‘Pinkie-swear you won’t tell anyone, though. It’s meant to be a big secret. Like, maybe she’ll tell people Dad beats her or something when they see her with bruises.’ She cackled as she held out her crooked little finger.
‘Pinkie-swear I’ll stay quiet.’
Chloe knew Beth would keep her word. They had always kept one another’s secrets, always told each other everything and trusted one another completely.
Always, until now.
Somehow Beth didn’t feel comfortable telling Chloe about what she had been doing lately. She preferred to keep it her little secret. Just for the time being.
The secrets were stacking up, though, Beth worried as she gnawed on her thumb. Hers and the ones she held for other people. Sometimes she felt tempted to break her word and confide in someone.
She would wait until she was certain, though.
Twenty-Eight
My face pushed into the pillow. Couldn’t breathe. Legs kicking, body bucking, fighting until…
Yes! I was free!
I rolled over on the mattress, panting after my exhaustive fight with the duvet. My head pounded; my mouth was full of fuzz and it hurt my throat to swallow, thanks to a raging thirst. Even my teeth felt weird. Best not to think about my stomach.
I closed my eyes and drifted back to sleep.
Waking the second time, I persuaded myself to sit up in the empty bed. Huh, Jacob must have got up for work without waking me. He must have put me to bed the night before; I certainly didn’t remember doing it.
A memory burst through the darkness of alcohol amnesia. Me, pounding on the front door, demanding to be let in because the key refused to go into the lock.
I winced and swung my legs to the ground, my need for water winning over the weakness of the hangover. I still wore yesterday’s clothes. With every wobbly step, guilt pounded through me. But why?
Another memory firework exploded. My finger, pointing at everyone. Falling over. Eurgh, then my voice, screaming, having a go at pretty much everyone in the pub and finding them all guilty of a cover-up of your attack, Beth. Shame fired my skin. These people were my friends, and I’d lost it with them. Hopefully they understood the strain I was under.
What else?
Heck, Glenn Baker carrying me out of the pub, then setting me down on the church wall opposite our house and talking to me. What had he said?
I veered towards the bathroom, stomach roiling. As I used the loo, another incendiary memory exploded.
If you really believe someone here knows something, why not find out the truth yourself?
Glenn had repeated that while propping me up on the church wall.
Why not find out for yourself?
My dismissive grunt echoed slightly in the bathroom. But… actually, it wasn’t such a bad idea. I couldn’t do a worse job than the police, that was for sure.
Find out the truth, Glenn had urged. I’ll help you.
Shaky hands flushed the loo. Could I?
Lost in contemplation, I made my way downstairs and said good morning to Wiggins, who replied with copious licks on my hand. On the kitchen table stood a glass of juice, which had left a ring on the note it rested on.
Hey you,
Hope you’re okay. Look after yourself! Drink plenty of OJ and eat a decent meal. I’ve gone to work. Hope you’ll be well enough to come to the hospital tonight.
Love you!
Jxx
I drank the orange but couldn’t face food yet. Instead, I filled up a reusable filter bottle with water and took Wiggins for a walk to blow away the cobwebs.
*
We ignored all the old places we used to go, and Wiggins knew now that there was only one place we’d be headed. The marsh. Haunting it was my guilty secret; Jacob had no idea. Instinctively I knew he wouldn’t approve.
He wouldn’t approve of Glenn’s words, either, rolling around my head, gathering momentum as we trudged across the endless, recumbent landscape.