‘Yes! Yes. I do. I saw …’
‘Gemma, you’re bleeding.’ Felix immediately softens, peering at the side of my face.
‘What?’
‘You’ve got a cut on your cheek. Come in here.’
He leads me to the disabled bathroom.
I touch the side of my face as I follow him. My fingers are stained red when I pull them away.
‘See?’ Felix points to the mirror and I see a red smudge in front of my ear. ‘What happened?’
‘I don’t know. I scratched myself, I guess. I don’t remember.’
‘It looks pretty bad. Here.’ Felix wets a paper towel and dabs it at my wound, which slowly turns from orange to red to an angry brown, exposing a fine scabbing line.
‘It’s not that bad.’
‘Gemma.’ Felix leans against the bathroom sink and looks at me, eyes searching, wanting an answer but I don’t know what for.
‘What?’ I say again.
He pauses and then shakes his head. ‘Nothing. So tell me what you have on Nicholson.’
‘I saw him in Gowran today. At the cinema. The one in the middle of the shopping strip.’
If Felix is surprised at my being in Gowran he doesn’t show it.
‘He was with Izzy Mealor.’
‘The teacher?’
‘Yes. I saw them kissing.’
Felix nods slowly. ‘Okay. Yeah. Okay. That is something.’ He rakes his fingers through his hair. ‘So much for his views on staff relationships. Fuck, everyone in this town has something to hide.’
The irony sits in the air between us but Felix seems too distracted to notice.
‘Maybe it was Izzy who took Ben?’ I say. ‘We know that the woman was probably wearing a wig.’ I’m charged with the possibility of a solve, and rattling around in my excitement is relief at the idea of Rodney not being a part of it. Of him simply being an innocent bystander who stepped a little too close.
Felix sighs. ‘I don’t think so, Gem. The description of the kidnapper is much older. Izzy’s younger than you.’
‘Oh, come on. It could be her. She could have made herself look older. We should at least consider it.’
‘Okay. Okay.’ He holds out his hands and I realise I am in a fight stance, legs apart, ready to strike. ‘We’ll look into it.’
‘Good.’
It’s cooler in the bathroom and for the first time in days I feel like I can find a way around my thoughts. I look at Felix, take in his clear pale skin, the strong profile, his cap of hair and dark lashes.
‘What’s going on?’ I say at the exact moment he says, ‘Gemma, I’m worried about you.’
‘Why?’ I step away from him.
‘I think …’ He pauses, seemingly gathering his thoughts. ‘I think this case has messed with you. Perhaps more than you realise.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes! C’mon, Gemma. You’re all over the place. Not thinking straight. Now, I’m not saying you’re not doing your job, but it’s not healthy.’ He pushes a hand through his hair, his tired eyes on me. ‘I don’t think this thing with us is helping.’
‘Oh. Right. So you’re doing me a favour. Is that it? Poor little Gemma.’ White heat flashes in front of me as I draw myself as tall as I can. ‘I don’t think so. I think that you’ve had enough of me. Simple as that. It all got a bit too real when you met my son. Saw my house. Saw Scott.’ My voice breaks but I keep going, vaguely aware of the other Gemma in the mirror. ‘What happened, Felix? It got too serious? Too fucking hard?’
‘I don’t know, Gem. I just … I don’t know. I care about you a lot; I have from the start. But where does this end? I can’t see the end. Can you?’
I’m shaking, suddenly ice cold. ‘I don’t fucking know,’ I screech, surprising myself. ‘I want you to have the answers. Don’t you get that?’
‘That’s not fair, Gem. We’re equals in this. That’s the deal.’
‘No.’ My voice has dropped dangerously low. ‘There is no deal. That’s the problem. That’s why you can walk away at any time like it’s nothing. That’s why you can still be sleeping with your wife and not have to explain anything to me.’
‘Gemma, please. We need to find a way to make this work. We need to—’
‘I don’t need to do anything!’ I whirl at him, my fist on his chest. I still want him so much. ‘I lost a baby, you know. Your baby. Unlike you, I’m not fucking anyone else, so I know that it was yours. So don’t tell me that you don’t know where this ends. That we need to find a way to make this work.’
His face drains of colour. He blinks at me as if I am a stranger.
‘Oh, Gemma.’ He holds me briefly, strong arms on either side of my head, the musky scent of him almost as familiar as my own smell, but then he pushes away, shaking his head. ‘How could you not tell me? How? You have too many secrets.’ He cups my chin with his hands and looks at me as if he can’t believe what he’s about to say. ‘I just can’t do this anymore, Gem. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything.’
He turns and walks out of the bathroom, the door swinging wide behind him. I look at the Gemma standing alone in the white cell, red-faced and heaving, her jaw clenching beneath a fresh crimson wound.
Chapter Sixty-eight
Friday, 1 January, 8.40 am
‘Happy New Year, Woodstock.’ Matthews greets me when I walk into the station. ‘Weird how it feels just like last year, huh? Broken air-con and all.’
‘Sure does. And last year felt like the one before that.’ I smile at Matthews. He’s made a real effort with me since Ben’s kidnapping.
Late last night Matthews called to let me know that some CCTV footage had finally turned up from the day of Ben’s kidnapping. It shows a red car, just like the one Grace from the day-care centre had described, at the base of the mountain outside a garden supplies outlet. That stretch of road is an obvious route for the kidnapper to take, so Matthews is treating it as the strongest lead we have so far. The driver is all hair and dark glasses, but there is a blur of a small white face that suggests Ben is in the back.
The numberplates aren’t visible on the tape.
‘I’m sorry it’s not more, Woodstock,’ Matthews said kindly. ‘I want to put this one to bed for you.’
‘Thank you,’ I said to him. ‘Hopefully it leads somewhere.’
Now I am tired even though I was asleep just after midnight. I watched the rainbow explosion shatter the Sydney Harbour Bridge with Ben’s sleeping body next to mine as I sipped at a weak vodka. I thought about Felix as I counted down into a new year, his apology ringing in my ears. Scott had gone out with Craig. When I woke just after 5 am I had a text on my phone saying he was crashing at Craig’s place because he couldn’t get a cab.