“More or less.”
I made a face at her, and she grinned before confessing the truth.
“I had a feeling it was coming, so I had a few things hammered out just in case.”
I shook my head. “You know me better than I know myself.”
“Part of the job. Side note,” she said. “I got a call this morning from Marid. He thanked you for his family’s invitation to the coronation but wasn’t sure his parents would be completely welcome.”
“I spoke with Dad. He knew that, right?”
“He did.”
I sighed. “But Marid’s coming?”
“Yes. And once this has all passed and you’re settled in as queen, you can keep reaching out to them if you want.”
I nodded. “If that’s a bridge that can be mended, I want it done.”
“That seems very wise.”
I took a deep breath, basking in the praise. I’d need to keep the kind words I received close to me, like armor, if I was going to survive.
“I’m ready to work. Hit me with it.”
“Actually, I think the best use of your time might be to speak with some of the Elite, or go on a date or something.”
“I was just with them,” I protested. “They’re all fine.”
“I mean more in the one-on-one sense. Besides the coronation details, which you shouldn’t even be bothered with, there’s nothing that can’t wait until Monday. Your professional life is moving forward, and you were the one who said that it went hand in hand with your private life.” She raised her eyebrows at me.
“Okay.”
“Why so glum? If I remember correctly, you think all five of them are front-runners.”
“It’s complicated. The one I most need to talk to might not even want to speak to me.” I sighed. “Wish me luck.”
“You don’t need it.”
I SAT IN MY ROOM, waiting for Hale to arrive. I wanted to have this conversation in a place that was intimate and comfortable. My palms were sweating, and I realized rather abruptly I was getting down to the boys I really didn’t want to send home. I knew only one would stay in the end, but I almost wished the others could call the palace home, too, or maybe promise to visit on holidays.
I snapped my head up at the knock on the door and went to answer it myself. I didn’t want Eloise around for this.
Hale bowed. “Your Highness.”
“Come in. Are you hungry? Thirsty?”
“No, I’m good.” He rubbed his hands together, looking as nervous as I was.
I sat at the table, and he joined me.
When I couldn’t bear the silence any longer, I spoke. “I need you to tell me what’s going on.”
He swallowed. “And I want to tell you. But I don’t know what I’ll do if you end up hating me because of it.”
Despite the warmth, I felt a chill. “Why would I hate you, Hale? What did you do?”
“It’s not something I did. It’s something I can’t do.”
“Which is?”
“Marry you.”
Though I’d been expecting as much, though my heart had never really, fully been his, it was still a painful blow.
“What—” I had to stop and breathe. This was my worst fear coming to life. I was unlovable. I knew it. All it had taken was a few weeks by my side for him to figure it out. “What suddenly made you so certain you couldn’t marry me?”
He paused, looking pained, and I took some consolation in the fact that he didn’t seem to want to hurt me. “When I found I had feelings for someone else.”
At least that was easier to handle than my initial worry. “Carrie?”
He shook his head. “Ean.”
I was driven to absolute silence. Ean? Like, Ean Ean?
I didn’t see that coming. Hale had been so tender, so romantic. But instantly everything about Ean became clear.
When the castes had been in place, it was law that every family fell into the caste of the husband. Because of that, there could only ever be one male head of the household. The same went for women: no married couple, no legitimate household. Some people lived together without bothering with marriage, calling their lovers roommates, but it was frowned on. Mom told me about a same-sex couple back in Carolina who’d been shunned to the point that they were driven out of town.
I’d never cared for that story. It sounded to me like way too many people had it hard when she was growing up. Why would anyone go out of their way to make someone’s life any harder?
Regardless, same-sex couples tended to live in the shadows, on the outskirts of society, and unfortunately that was still the case today. This made Ean’s acceptance of not finding love in his life much more understandable.
But Hale?
“How … how did you even …?”