How could I have failed?
Actually, the answer to that question was obvious. Gaelin. I hadn’t anticipated seeing him. Not since my first arrival here, when he’d been severely reprimanded for interferring with my learning, and certainly not as my challenger in the graduation trial.
Knowing why I failed didn’t really make it any easier to swallow though. Before the trial, I’d stood outside that chamber so totally sure I would be going home today. There hadn’t been a single question in my head about whether I’d be seeing Kit by the end of the day, and now? Now I was staring down another six months inside the walls of Caora.
“Boy!” My tutor, Glen, yelled after me as I kicked the dirt. I wanted to ignore him and continue on to the little hut I’d been assigned to, but I knew he wouldn’t let me go.
“What?” I snapped when he caught up to me, and I dodged his eye contact.
“You let him get inside your head,” Glen pointed out, unnecessarily.
I snorted a humorless laugh. “No shit, that was the point of the exercise.”
Glen scowled. “You know full well what I mean, so you can save that sass for someone else. You let him use that woman against you, didn’t you?” His ancient eyes pinned me like a butterfly to a board, and I ground my teeth in anger. My silence was all the answer Glen needed, and he cursed, closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths as if actively seeking patience with me.
“Kit is not a weakness,” I replied, repeating the same words for what felt like the millionth time. “I just wasn’t expecting him.”
Glen sighed and gave me a pitying look. “She is your weakness, boy, and until you let go of her, you’re never getting out of Caora. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can graduate, but when you’re clinging to the memory of this girl…” He shook his head at me. “Kid, you could be here for a hundred more years if you stay so distracted.”
Logically, I understood what he was saying. The whole basis for our magic was born out of rational thinking, not emotions. We were like Vulcans that way… if aliens were real. So yeah, I understood why Glen was telling me this. But it didn’t mean he was right.
“Glen, I respect you, and I don’t mean for this to come off the wrong way.” I ran a hand through my hair and met his eyes. “But go fuck yourself. Nothing and no one can ever make me forget Kit, so you are wasting your breath trying.”
My mentor glared back at me for a long moment, then shook his head again. “You’re a damn fool, kid.” He didn’t bother saying anything else, just gave me a disappointed look and walked back toward the Elder’s Chambers. No doubt he would have to answer for my failure too, as he had endorsed me to attempt the graduation trial.
Heading back to my hut, I rubbed the bridge of my nose. How strange it was not to need my glasses or contact lenses. Not long after arriving in Caora, one of the medics had applied a balm to my eyelids. That next day, and every day since then, my vision has been perfect. The wonders of magic.
I ran my fingers through my hair again in a nervous gesture I’d had since I was a kid. My hair was longer now and in bad need of a cut. Not that anyone in this realm understood that. They all had long hair, even the men. I guess I should have been thankful they didn’t all have beards, too, because my face itched something awful after any more than a few days of growth.
“Are you ready?” the young girl beside me asked, and I glanced over at her with a grin.
“Is anyone ever ready for one of these?” I replied with half amusement, half nervous anticipation. This was it. This was the day I’d been waiting for, the day I could return to my world. To Kit...
Not that I hadn’t stood in the exact same spot before, thinking the exact same thing. But this time I truly believed I’d succeed. This time, I’d earn my ring and be free to leave the place of learning.
“No, I guess not,” she answered my rhetorical question. “I know I’m not.”
She was chewing nervously on the edge of her thumbnail, and I tapped it out of her mouth. She was young, the badbh equivalent of a twelve-year-old human—about the same age as my brother, Grant. Regardless of the gap in our ages, we’d been paired together in the learning space based on ability, and now hopefully we’d be graduating together.
“Don’t chew your nails, Briana,” I scolded her. “It’s a bad habit.”
“Sorry, Wes,” she sighed, twisting her plain dress between her fingers instead. “I don’t know why they have to keep us waiting so damn long.”
I chuckled. “Yes, you do. They’re building suspense. It’s a psychological game to put you on edge and make it harder to concentrate when you get in there. Just... don’t let them into your head. You got this.”
Briana sucked in a deep breath, but before she could say any more, the door creaked open and an ancient-looking man poked his head out.
“Briana Lightbearer, you’re first.” He didn’t bother to wait for her reply, simply disappeared back inside and expected her to follow.
“You got this,” I repeated again, and she gave me a nervous smile as she scurried after the man.
Once the door had closed again, I was left alone with nothing but my thoughts for company. Again, I ran my hand through my hair nervously and tugged at the bits that brushed my collar. First thing I needed to do when I got back to the human world... get a damn haircut.
Scratch that. There were plenty of more important things, and all of them involved Kit. The majority of them involved nudity in some form, too. Ugh. It had been a long damn time since that last morning in Ireland. I couldn’t count the number of times I’d gone over it all in my head and cursed myself for being so eager to get to Seamus’s house and study his book, when I should have accepted her damn offer of staying in bed.
Kit... she was on my mind constantly. Not a minute passed where I wasn’t thinking about her, something my tutor claimed was holding me back from progressing. The Badbh had been gone from the human realm for so long that most of them had lost their humanity completely. They were a cold, calculating, and unemotional race of beings. When I’d first arrived, they hadn’t known what the hell to do with me and all my feelings.
It hadn’t been all too hard to fit in though. These people appealed to my analytical mind, and I appreciated their logic in everything they did. Or... mostly everything. They weren’t totally incapable of emotion, as I’d come to learn about Gaelin.
Fucking Gaelin. He’d been assigned to teach me but had let his own petty issues with the council cloud his judgement. In my time here, I’d learned that Gaelin had been one of the few badbh who had been on Earth before the plague and had been petitioning to be allowed to return ever since. His requests were always denied, but it explained why he was so damn sour with me.
“Wesley Reed.” The same elderly man stuck his head out, and I looked up in surprise. “You’re next.”
“Where’s Briana?” I asked as I followed him through the door. “That was really fast. Is she okay?”
“She failed. Good luck.” That was all he said as he opened another door and gestured for me to enter. I knew the drill already; I’d attempted and failed this myself many times. That was Bri’s first fail, though, and she must be heartbroken. The worst part was if I succeeded here, I wouldn’t see her again to comfort her.
Stepping into the testing chamber, I sucked in a deep breath and prepared myself for what was to come. The fear, the pain... all of it. I would not fail this time.
Kit, sweetheart... I’m coming home. Please be okay when I get there.
18
KIT
I lay on that kitchen floor for an indeterminate amount of time. All I knew was that when Vali finally lifted me into his arms, my limbs were numb and cold and my joints felt stiff.