“I’ve never been a big fan of Proust. He’s a little maudlin, too self-indulgent for my tastes.” Elian continued to skim through the book, not realizing how he sliced through me with such trivial actions.
I cleared my throat, finding words that he could understand. “It’s not the words that interest me,” I explained but didn’t explain.
Elian frowned, stopping at the front of the book. The page with the inscription. He looked up at me, thinking he understood now. His face soft and empathetic. To him this was a piece of my puzzle.
He had no idea.
He handed the book back to me. “It’s from your dad,” he stated. It wasn’t a question. He knew the answer. He had seen the words that he thought meant something that they didn’t.
“Yes, it is,” I said.
“Is he still around? Your dad?” Elian asked. Had we come to this point where we were comfortable in asking these kinds of questions?
Yes.
For Elian Beyer, we were approaching an intimate space where we could fall together.
We were strangers. Searching, searching strangers. Looking for each other.
It was sad and perfect.
“No, he isn’t. I don’t know the man that gave me this. He has no place in my life,” I admitted. I covered my mouth to stop the flow of words that came out unbidden.
Elian was dangerous. He made it easy to give him things I had always kept.
Elian nodded, sucking me in, holding me close.
“My dad’s gone too. He died not long after…” His voice trailed off and his jaw tightened. I was fascinated by the minute changes in his appearance as he too found himself sharing things he hadn’t meant to.
We had quite the effect on each other.
“He’s gone,” Elian finished, picking up a menu, although I knew he didn’t need it. He’d order the same thing I did.
We were in tandem. In synch. Symbiotic.
“Elian!” The waitress named Nancy smiled and beamed. She liked him. A lot of people liked him.
But they didn’t know him.
But I would know him. He wanted me to. With every discreet glance and every subtle touch, he pulled me closer.
I drew him in.
We were falling…falling…collapsing into each other.
“Hi Nancy. I’ll have my usual,” he ordered, bestowing a smile to end all smiles. Nancy preened and became a little flustered in the spotlight of his grin.
She began to walk away, not taking my order. “Excuse me, but I’ll have the same,” I said, stopping her with my short tone.
Nancy blinked, as if confused, only just now noticing my presence. Her face soured and her mouth turned down. She didn’t like me. Not many did.
Elian was the chosen exception.
I smiled. A smile to end all smiles. I gave them rarely. But I gave one to Nancy.
The bitch.
“Okay,” Nancy said, turning abruptly.
Elian was looking at me and I knew he was examining me in a way I often examined others. It was strange being on the receiving end of that sort of inspection. I felt exposed.
“I want to go somewhere with you,” Elian said, his eyes never leaving my face.
My empty chest tightened with something that felt like…giddiness?
“Where?” I asked, my voice a breathy whisper.
“Where do you want to go?” he volleyed back.
“Anywhere,” I answered, meaning it.
Elian nodded as though he understood exactly what I was saying.
Anywhere.
Everywhere.
With you.
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow night. Seven o’clock. I’ll take you anywhere.”
I smiled. I couldn’t help it.
Some things were as easy as breathing.
But as hard as living.
I lay there still and rigid, wrapped in warm, perfume scented skin. Soft lips pressed to the hollow of my throat. I could hear the steady, unhurried thump of my heart in my ears.
Her frantic, shallow breathing was distracting, and I tried to stay in the moment. But my mind wandered to other things.