Before it was because I had no heart.
Now it was because I had no soul.
This is what losing your mind felt like.
My phone started ringing. I picked it up and looked at the screen. Was the name I saw really there?
It couldn’t be.
Murdered sisters couldn’t use the phone where they were.
What was wrong with me?
I knew.
Layna knew.
I was gone.
I threw the phone hard. With all my might. It smashed against the wall. And it felt good.
For a second.
But then the ringing started again.
It went on and on and on. It wouldn’t stop.
Just talk to me, Elian. Please!
I opened my medicine cabinet and rooted around for the brown plastic bottle. The one Layna had put back. Empty.
I dropped to my knees and searched the bathroom floor. My search was in vain. I couldn’t find what I was looking for.
Several white pills. Somewhere. But I had dumped out the contents of that necessary bottle.
The ringing continued. Loud. In my ears.
Amelia’s voice screamed even louder.
Talk to me!
Layna! Where were you?
Come back.
I fell onto my side and closed my eyes.
Sleep found me.
At my lowest I was finally able to rest.
I woke up the next morning feeling…different.
Foggy. Too hot. Clammy skin and dry lips.
I slowly sat up from my spot on the bathroom floor. My body ached.
My first thought was Layna.
Where was she?
Would she be coming back?
My second thought was Amelia.
But she was quiet. I couldn’t hear her. I was both relieved and desolate.
My head was fuzzy. My breathing was labored. Painful. Survival was becoming difficult.
I should call Layna. I wanted her. I needed to see her.
We had so much to talk about.
But maybe it was good that we give it time.
To leave the words where they lay. In the dust and the grime. On the floor of that dilapidated old house where Layna lost her childhood. Her innocence.
Layna.
We can be broken together.
Maybe together, our pieces would make us whole.
I looked for my phone and then remembered that I had thrown it against the wall last night.
My jaw was stiff as though I had been grinding my teeth all night. I thought about going to find Layna. To drive to her apartment.
I couldn’t. I realized my car wasn’t even outside.
I vaguely remembered Layna bringing me back. In her car. After leaving mine at her apartment. But things from last night were so blurry. So hard to see.
It was best to wait anyway.
For her to come to me.
If she came to me.
What would I do if she didn’t?
I ran my fingers through my hair and looked round my dismal house. Dirty. Untidy. I hadn’t touched a thing inside in weeks. I had slept. I had eaten. I had wandered through the rooms unseeing.
I had been spending a lot of time in the company of phantoms.
And Layna.
I made myself a sandwich. It had been days since I had last eaten.
When I was finished I went out to the quarry and sat on the beach. I stared out at the murky, still water.
And I waited.
For Layna.
For Amelia.
I waited.
On pins and needs, I stayed.
Hoping she would find me.
Terrified she would find me.
“Are you going to leave me here?” Elian asked.
I had driven back to my apartment once we were back in Brecken Forest and had taken Elian home in my car.
I pulled up in front of his house—out in the middle of nowhere—and watched him get out. He was unsteady on his feet. I should have helped him inside.
But I wanted to get out of there.
I needed some distance.
From Elian.
From everything.
“Will you come back?” he asked and I wasn’t sure whether he spoke to me or his dead sister. The sister I had seen my father kill. The sister who called him every single night on his silent phone.
Would I come back?
Of course I’d come back.
But I had things to do first.
Important things.
“I’ll see you soon,” I said. Then I watched him wander towards his house and through the door. Closing himself inside.
It was time to pack.