“Tiggy Desdemona Bartholomew Jackson! How dare you!”
Tiggy frowned. “That’s not my name. I just Tiggy.”
“Well, now I just don’t know what to believe,” Gary said. “Because of all the lies.”
Kevin turned his head again, fangs a little bared, smoke pouring from his nostrils. “You tried to get up on Gary?” he growled. “And you didn’t even invite me to watch?”
“This was before we knew you,” Gary said, butting his snout against Kevin’s scaly hand.
“Still.”
“Eep,” Ryan said. Then he coughed. “I mean, no. I never tried to do anything with Gary. That’s disgusting.”
“Uh-oh,” Tiggy said.
“You really shouldn’t have said that,” I told him solemnly.
“Disgusting?” Gary asked dangerously. “Just how would it be disgusting, might I ask?”
“Don’t answer that,” I said.
“It a trap!” Tiggy said, sucking in his cheeks till he looked like a fish.
But of course, Ryan was a knight, which meant he had no sense of self-preservation and wasn’t burdened with an abundance of brains. So he said, “That would be like bestiality.”
I groaned.
“Kevin?”
“Yes, Gary.”
“Can you do me a favor?”
“Is it a sexual favor?”
“No, Kevin.”
“Oh. Well. I guess so.”
“Thank you. Can you throw me up on your back so that I might pummel a knight, then use your spikes to impale him until he’s nothing but a bloody, twitching pile of meat and muscle?”
“But of course, Gary.”
“No,” I said. “You can’t do that.”
“But he said it was bestiality,” Gary snarled. “And now I want to show him the true meaning of the word. By being a beast.”
“Gary, bestiality is when a human has sex with an animal.”
“Damn right it is! And I’ll—wait, what? No it’s not. It means to be brutish. Beastly. He was just calling me cruel and ruthless. I would know. I tell people I practice the art of bestiality all the time when I’m trying to seem intimidating. They always run right after that because of how beastly I am. Bestiality.”
“No. They think you’re trying to fuck them.”
Gary scrunched up his face. “You sure?”
“Very.”
“Huh. How about that. That alters many things about my life.”
“It really shouldn’t.”
“You’d be surprised.”
“Can we go back to the part where I told Sam how much I loved him?” Ryan asked. “It was really good.”
“Nobody likes a braggart,” Gary said.
Ryan frowned. “You brag about stuff all the time.”
Gary turned to look at me with wide eyes. “Are you hearing this shit? It’s like he’s obsessed with me. First he wants to massage my thighs and now he’s memorizing everything that I say? Pretty soon he’s going to tell you to put the lotion in the fucking basket and then tuck his penis between his legs, and you won’t be able to climb out of the hole in his basement.”
“Oh yeah,” Kevin said. “I remember when we role-played that. That was… odd.”
Gary ignored him. “Sam, listen to me. Listen. Are you listening?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Ryan Foxheart wants to get up all in muh shit,” he hissed at me. “It’s my natural sexuality. It just oozes.”
“Yeah,” Ryan said with a grimace. “How can I not want to get all up in the ooze.”
“I’m sure he’ll get over it,” I told Gary. “Now, can you please go away so that I can tell Ryan how awesome he is?”
“Rude,” Gary said. “Kevin, clutch me close. But it means nothing. Remember that. We’re not together, and we’re never getting back together, no matter how much you beg me.”
Gary disappeared back underneath Kevin while the dragon grumbled something sarcastic and biting.
I looked back at my friend behind us. “Tiggy, scary stuff.”
Tiggy put his fingers in his ears and squinted his eyes shut.
I twisted as much as I could, facing Ryan, awkwardly straddling his waist. He looked amused as he watched me. “Still want to follow me anywhere? Ridiculous doesn’t even begin to cover this, as you just saw.”
“I didn’t massage Gary’s thighs,” he said seriously.
“I know.”
“I didn’t even ask to massage his thighs.”
“I know that too.”
“I don’t even think of his thighs—”
“Oh my gods, you are obsessed with him. You ass. I don’t know if this will work out between you and me if you want to fuck my best friend’s thighs.”
He rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”
“My turn to talk, okay?”
“Isn’t it always?”
“Ryan.”
He nodded.
I pressed my forehead against his. “If you say you’re good, I believe you. If you say you want this, I believe you. I don’t know what’s going to happen with this whole destiny thing. I don’t know what’s going to happen with the dragons. Or Myrin. Or Vadoma and Ruv.” His eyes narrowed slightly at the mention of the Wolf of Bari Lavuta, who my grandmother had tried to push as my cornerstone. And who my magic had recognized as having potential. But it didn’t matter. He could never be what Ryan was to me. No one ever would. “And even if I get… stupid every now and then and think stupid thoughts, I know it’s gonna be you and me.”
He tightened his grip on my waist. “I’m going to hold you to that. Even when you’re stupid and think stupid thoughts. Might even have to tell you that you and your thoughts are stupid.”
“You better.”
He kissed me sweetly. My magic sang in green and gold as I tasted his familiarity, his warmth. I would never let him lie upon a cold slab in the throne room. Not if I could help it. Not because of Myrin. Not because of me. He would live until an old age. And I would age right along with him. Somehow. I’d figure it out. I had time. Not much, but it was there. We would get our happy ending. I had made a wish to the star dragon under the desert night sky, and I aimed to see it happen.
Make me mortal. When all is said and done. I will protect my King, this one and the next. I will protect my kingdom. I will do all that you ask, but I want a mortal life for my happy ending. This is my wish.
We flew on toward Meridian City.
I: Meridian City
Chapter 2: That Time I Got It in the Face in Meridian City
EVEN NOW the Darks march toward Meridian City where the people sleep, unaware of the fate that awaits them. At my word, the city will be razed. And they will have my word, Sam. As an example to you. This will be to show you that you are on the wrong side. That you cannot win. Morgan and Randall were weak. They still are. There will be a new order, one that will begin with you and end with me. You can either join me or watch as I tear your whole world apart.
You wouldn’t.
Oh, I would, Sam. You’re playing with the big boys now. The stakes are a little higher than what you’re normally used to. Their deaths will be on your head, every man, woman, and child in Meridian City. I told you once that I would rip the lighting-struck heart from your chest.
Trust me when I say I will do just that.