“Why?” I asked. “I could always use more friends. After all, Reid did kill my plant, so . . .”
“Plant?” Max’s eyebrows narrowed in on Reid. “You sick, sick man. Why the hell would you kill a plant? Don’t you know what those stand for?”
Reid frowned. “Uh—”
“LOVE!” Max shouted. “Life! Completion! What the hell is wrong with you? You may as well run over a mama duck and her little lings!”
“Lings?” I whispered.
“DUCKLINGS!” Max shouted. “Damn it, Reid. Mom raised you better.”
“Oh, really?” Reid snorted. “We’re going there, huh? How about you setting me up on national radio! You KNEW if you pushed hard enough I’d propose marriage.”
Max cackled. “You were always easy to break. Always.”
“I will seriously punch you in the throat.”
Max grabbed Becca and placed her on his lap, then grinned behind her.
“Human shield.” Becca sighed and looked horribly guilty. “Can’t say I’m surprised, nor disappointed by this sudden change of events—after all, my loving fiancé made me call in as well.”
“Why help the evil genius?” I said.
“She called me a genius.” Max puffed out his chest.
“Note that she said evil first.” Reid lowered his voice. “Just saying.”
“Well.” Becca shrugged. “He’s been impossible to live with this past week. Every time I come home from class, he has his ear pressed to the door like some lovesick teenager playing Girl Talk.”
“Oh, my gosh, I loved that game!” I gushed.
Becca laughed. “Me too! I can’t believe I actually called my crushes and—”
Max snapped his fingers. “Becca, this is Max time; you two can play later.”
“Punch him.” I glared at Max while Becca reached between her legs and flicked her fingers.
“Damn it!” Max yelped. “Low blow. Literally.”
“So.” I cleared my throat, ignoring Max’s sobbing. “What were you saying? About helping him?”
Becca shrugged. “I thought making him promise we wouldn’t have sex until we got married . . . was a good idea at the time—a few months isn’t long to wait and I thought it would bring some excitement into the wedding night!”
I nodded.
Max gave me the finger while Reid wrapped a protective arm around me.
“Anyway.” Becca shrugged. “I figure either I live with Max while Reid slowly drives him insane one fake orgasm at a time.” I blushed. “Or I help him and finally get some sleep without having to drug my own fiancé!”
“I knew that milk tasted funny!” Max roared.
Becca smirked. “Slept like a baby last night.”
Amazing, it was like watching a sitcom, only in real life. Max started to gag. “You know I’m allergic to pills, ALL PILLS!”
Becca wouldn’t let him up.
Otis, sensing unrest within the home, came barreling down the hall and jumped onto the couch nearest Max.
Max froze. “Holy shit, aliens really do exist! Hey, E.T.!”
“OTIS!” I corrected. “He looks nothing like E.T.”
“Damn, you look smaller in real life, wanna go on a bike ride?” Otis’s tail started wagging. “You do? You do want to go on a bike ride? Quick, phone home!” Bark, bark, bark.
“What is he? The dog whisperer?” I elbowed a silent Reid.
“The one and only day he went to Boy Scouts was when they went to a petting zoo . . . he got a badge for taking care of the animals. That damn badge has been a thorn in my side for years. Years, I tell you.”
“Reid’s jealous.” Max patted Otis’s head. “The only badge he got was for selling cookies—then again we all know what really happened. Don’t you know drug dealers aren’t supposed to take their own product?”
“Huh?” I blinked at Reid. “Drug dealers?”
“Girl Scout cookies,” Reid explained. “Legal crack.”
“Ah.” I nodded. “Got it.”
“So.” Reid stood. “This is what’s going to happen. Jordan and I are going to try to fix what you guys ruined—thanks for that, by the way—and Max, I don’t want to hear or see you until all this is through.”
Max looked guiltily down at the ground.
“Max?” Reid repeated. “Max, what did you do?”
Max yawned. “It’s getting late. We should probably—”
“—Max.”
Max rolled his eyes. “Oh, fine. Under the slight possibility that calling in didn’t work, I may have sort of . . .” More coughing. “Booked us all flights to Vegas this next weekend. The plan was to get you drunk.”
“Good plan.” I nodded in approval while Max winked in my direction. “But we aren’t going.”
Max pouted.
Reid touched my arm. “Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea. I mean . . . we have to go through with this, or at least pretend to, right?”
Crap. Crap. Crap. He was right, but . . . the last thing I needed was to be on a plane with Max, of all people.
Or sit next to Reid.
Or pretend to marry him in what’s actually one of my favorite places in the world. It just seemed unfair.