“I don’t think we have any family plans tonight, so it should be fine.”
“Yes!” he exclaims, making my heart leap. And when he says goodbye, part of me wishes I’d told him that my heart is a wild creature and that I want to have dinner with him every night and that I love his mom and that today feels like flying.
Chapter 18
It’s been a while since I last ate chicken and dumplings, but I’m pretty sure Suzie’s are the best in the world.
I’m sitting beside Levi under the stars in his backyard, laughing at the stories Augustin and Ivanka tell about the first time they met, how they fell in love. Levi laughs as well, and when his head moves his hair bounces with a life of its own. He’s relaxed, and I’m smitten. It’s no longer just a possibility; I’m well aware that I’m falling hard. I might try to pick myself back up, but let’s face it: I like it here. From this angle, I can see the stars and the sky spinning around me, and the universe doesn’t feel so large, and I think I might know myself in a bigger way.
But in the same way that everything feels good, it also hurts. My chest aches and my heart is a little too big, and when Levi puts his arm around my shoulders and leans in to ask how my food is, my throat strangles, and I don’t know how to speak.
(What are words, anyway?)
After barely getting myself together, two seconds too late, I smile up at him. (Oh, God, no, not the dazzling eyes. DON’T LOOK AT HIS EYES, BEE.) “It’s delicious.” I only just manage to not say something stupid. (Like, “You’re delicious.”) I fixate on Suzie so I don’t fall into the abyss. “Suzie, really, you’re amazing.”
Suzie winks at me. “I’m glad you could make it tonight,” she says.
“Me, too.”
Ivanka puts her hand over her fiancé’s, grinning. “Augustin has already asked four times to see the dress. I tell him ‘no’, but he does not listen!”
I laugh. “Come on, Augustin. Play fair.”
“I am too happy,” he protests. “Was she the most beautiful creature you ever saw?”
“Yes,” I say, although I’m lying, because Levi is the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen. “She’s an angel.” I take the last bite of chicken and set my spoon down. “When does your family get into town?”
“Friday morning, early,” Ivanka says. “I miss them very much.”
I smile sympathetically, trying to imagine moving so far away from my family. “I’m excited to meet them.”
“I’ve already told them about you, the girl Bonita who likes to be called Bee. They cannot wait to see you.”
I am so glad I don’t have food in my mouth right now—I would have choked. Suzie puts her head in her hands, as if sharing in my exasperation. And Levi…well, I’ve never seen him look so smug.
I realize, with my stomach clenching tight, that there are a lot of things I haven’t seen him do, a lot of things I don’t know about him—and I want to know them all.
“Thank you, Ivanka,” I say, giving Levi the Death Glare. “Your wedding will be a great success, thanks to everyone giving their time and energy. I’m so excited for you both.”
“Would you like to stay for dessert?” Suzie asks, staring to clear the plates.
“Thank you, but we should leave,” she says, and nods at Augustin. “I have to hide my dress from this one.”
We say our goodbyes at the front door. I’m watching them drive away, getting ready to grab my purse and leave, when Suzie drags me back into the house. “You, at least, must stay for dessert!” she tells me.
I smile and nod in assent. “Okay, if you insist.”
“I do,” she says with finality.
“As do I,” Levi adds from the kitchen. I find him standing at the sink, sleeves of his orange sweater rolled up to his elbows, scrubbing away at a plate. He grins at me over his shoulder. “Just so you know, your phone rang.”
I excuse myself to the front room and dig through my purse. Gretchen called twice in the last three minutes, probably because I texted her before dinner—with all the calm of a hysterical puppy—to tell her where I was going. And since I hear Levi and Suzie talking, their voices quiet, I click on Gretchen’s name and put the phone to my ear.
She answers in two seconds flat. “Bernice, you better have good news for me.”
“It’s just dinner with his mom and Ivanka and Augustin,” I whisper, trying not to sound exasperated. I suddenly feel exasperated. (I think this is what comes with wanting something you cannot have.)
“So what?!” she squeals. “Are you still there?”
“Bee?” Levi’s voice scares me. I jump, heart thudding, and face him. (His eyes are laughing at me.) “You okay?”
“It’s Gretchen,” I mouth.
“Let me talk to her,” he says, just as Gretchen screeches into my ear, “Is that him?! Let me talk to him!”
I laugh, overwhelmed, and hand him the phone. “The feeling is mutual.”
He puts the phone to his ear. “The famous Gretchen!” He smiles at me and continues, “It’s good to put a voice to the name. Now I just need a face.” He pulls the phone away and looks at the picture I have of Gretchen in the background. “Ah, got it,” he tells her. He’s silent for a few moments, his eyes still laughing. “We’re about to have dessert.” Another pause. “I heard you love Bon Iver,” he says finally, and laughs. (I just knew that was coming.) “Yeah, I’ve been trying to get her to love them, but she’s stubborn.”
I roll my eyes at him.
He smirks. (Dear Levi, could you please stop giving me heart palpitations? Sincerely, The Nameless Creature) “Yeah, she just did.”
I gape. “What are you talking about?”
“Gretchen predicted you’d roll your eyes.”
I shake my head. “This is hopeless.”
He’s back to Gretchen now, so I sit down on the couch and listen. “What has she told you about me? I assume since you know who I am that she’s talked about me,” he says, a bit quieter.
I sit up straight. Levi’s nodding his head into the phone, grinning, laughing at his own jokes, at hers.
I want to die.
“Oh, you know, that you’re best friends and all that. That she misses you every day. That you’re practically twins.” Levi pauses again, his face growing serious, eyes narrowing.
Without even a glance in my direction, he turns away from me.
“Hey!” I protest. He holds up one finger, so I sit back and watch him, all tall and lean and pretty as he rests against the door frame that leads to the kitchen. Eventually, after a few mumbled responses and nods, he turns back to me.
“Nice to finally talk to you, Gretchen,” he says, and hands the phone back to me.
Yep, I’m dead. “Gretchen, what on earth?” I meet Levi’s gaze, surprised to find him already looking at me. No, more than that: He’s studying me. Not smiling, but happy. Curious, but not invasive. His lips part like he’s contemplating saying something, but then he turns away from me.
My whole body is one giant, pounding heartbeat.
Gretchen’s laugh rings in my ear, but I can barely hear it over my rushing blood. She says, “It’s nothing, really. Just…talking.”