“Not quite everything anymore,” Lolly said, trying to make a joke out of it.
Lolly patted her granddaughter’s leg and looked out onto the horizon. The wind ruffled the scarf that secured her red wig, long tendrils flipping to and fro in the breeze like streamers on a kid’s bicycle handle.
“I do remember something you told me the other night at the Rendezvous, however, when I was telling you about the loon charm and you said you’d never been in love,” Lolly started. “You said you wanted to control life a bit too much, like your mom.”
Lolly took the thermos lid from Lauren and sipped. “Are you telling me the whole truth? Is there another reason you’re not dating anyone?”
“Men are dogs, Grandma,” Lauren said without thinking.
“That’s not a good thing?” Lolly asked. “Aren’t dogs sweet?”
Lauren laughed and shook her grandmother’s leg. “You’d think so, right? But I mean dogs as in … well, you know … they tend to wander.”
“Oh!” Lolly said, finally understanding. “Dogs!”
Lauren stopped laughing and turned serious.
“If I’m being totally honest, it’s just that I’m really scared to put myself out there, Grandma,” Lauren said. “I’m a little gun shy after Mom and Dad’s divorce. I mean, they have hurt each other so much. And, Lexie’s boyfriends have all cheated on her. I want so much to find true love, but I don’t want my heart to get trampled.”
Lolly scooched over on the quilt and put her arm around her granddaughter. “Oh, my dear sweet, sensitive girl. Your heart is going to get trampled a little bit, whether you put it out there or choose to lock it away.”
Lolly ruffled Lauren’s hair and continued. “If you put yourself out there, you’re going to get hurt at some point. Yes, your boyfriend or husband could leave you. He might stray. He could die way too young like your grandfather. And, at some point, you will both probably say things to one another you immediately want to take back. But, if you remain alone, your heart will ache for all that you never experienced. Love is filled with great beauty and great pain. But there is no beauty to life if you don’t put your heart at risk. The ability to love is one of the greatest gifts we’re given. It’s the reason we’re here.”
Lolly stopped and pointed up at the sky. “Think of when you paint … say, like a scene of shooting stars in the sky. You lose yourself in that work, don’t you? You experience the sheer beauty of what you’re seeing and feeling. It’s the same way in love. You must never lose who you are, but you also must be willing to lose yourself entirely in the depth of the relationship. Does that make sense?”
Lauren leaned into her grandmother. Even though Lolly’s body was fragile, Lauren could feel her strength. “It does, Grandma. The relationship you and Grampa had is my role model. I want that.”
“And you will,” Lolly said. “So will Arden. I think she may have already found it, in fact.”
“I do, too,” Lauren agreed. “And I will find love. I know I will, especially having two strong women role models like you and Mom. What I’ve learned is that the best way to find love is to have your own inner light shine through first.”
“So true,” Lolly said. “The world is a mirror. You attract what you reflect.”
Lauren stopped and pulled her grandmother closer. “I’ve learned that sometimes family can also be a great love in a person’s life, especially when she needs a guiding light to help her find her way in the world.”
“I love you, my dear,” Lolly said.
“Me too, Grandma,” Lauren said, before shouting, “Look!”
In the distance, a shooting star flew across the horizon.
“A guiding light, indeed,” Lolly said.
Thirty-eight
“Did you see the shooting star?” Lauren asked excitedly when Arden and Jake returned.
“It was beautiful,” Arden agreed, taking a seat next to her daughter, Jake plopping next to Arden.
“Symbolic,” Lolly added.
“I think that might be all we see tonight, though,” Arden said. “It’s getting late.”
“Hold on to your horses,” Lolly said, grabbing Lauren’s phone and tapping it to check the time. “It’s only twelve-thirty. And we’ve got each other for company and lots of coffee to stay warm.”
Arden laughed. “Is that your special coffee, Mom? I know your secret ingredient. We won’t care what time it is after we drink it.”
“In that case, I’ll take a cup!” Jake said, his deep voice rippling with laughter.
“Attaboy,” Lolly said, handing him the thermos.
Lauren shivered, and Lolly pulled a blanket over the group’s laps, and the four sat in silence, the muffled waves singing to them.
I can feel the whole world out there waiting for me to change it, even though I can’t see it right now, Lauren thought, staring out over the dark lake. Love makes it possible to believe you can change the world.
“Did you just see that?” Arden asked, turning her head left, then right.