“Okay,” I said with a reluctant smile. “Sure, why not?”
“Really?” Sean asked, smiling brightly. “Thank you! That’s amazing. It’ll be fun, I promise.”
“I’m sure it will.” I nodded.
Sean and I planned out the details and said goodbye. I watched him as he left the showroom and disappeared into the parking lot. It was almost time for me to go home, so I went upstairs to grab my things. When I made it back downstairs, my mind was racing. What had I just done?
I climbed behind the wheel of my car and turned on the ignition. The air conditioning blasted against my face, and I shook my head slightly. I felt like I was living inside a dream. Nothing felt real. Not the car around me. Not the office building in front of me. And definitely not my plans with Sean.
I pulled out of the parking lot, cursing my decision. I felt certain I just signed the death sentence on my career. Part of me regretted it, but a bigger part of me couldn’t wait to see Sean and Paisley again.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Sean
Paisley’s summer had officially begun and still, I had no idea what to do. I wanted her to enjoy herself, and I wanted to show her that life with me could be fun. Tara’s suggestion of going to a waterpark seemed like a good idea, but I wanted to go somewhere we could talk. I couldn’t imagine having a conversation in the middle of a kid-filled, water covered theme park.
All night Friday and all morning Saturday, I tried to think of a plan. I came up with different ideas that I immediately dismissed. Nothing seemed good enough for either Paisley or Tara. So much was riding on that one day: my relationship with my daughter and, maybe, the beginnings of a romantic relationship with Tara.
I refused to get my hopes about Tara, but I couldn’t help but think about her. I could feel a connection between us and thought she felt it, too. There was no way I could be sure, but the way she looked at me sometimes. It was like she was thinking the exact same things I was thinking, like we were on the same wavelength. She’d been occupying my thoughts for days.
This was my chance to impress them both. After weeks of having Paisley fulltime, I still felt so far away from her. She was my daughter, but she was also a stranger. I knew I was partially to blame for that. I didn’t fight hard enough for her all those years ago. I let Claire make all the decisions. I backed down too soon. If I could go back and change it, I would in a heartbeat.
Instead, I vowed to do everything I could to build a relationship with her. That morning, I decided to put Tara out of my mind and focus solely on what would make Paisley happy.
“So,” I said over breakfast. “What do you want to do today?”
“I don’t know,” Paisley shrugged. “Whatever.”
“Well,” I said slowly. “Do you remember my friend, Tara? She came over the other day when you were sick.”
“Yeah,” Paisley said. Her face brightened slightly.
“She’s going to come hang out with us today,” I said. “And I think it would be cool if we took her somewhere really fun. What do you think?”
“Sure.” Paisley shrugged.
“Where do you think we should go?” I asked. “We can go anywhere you want.”
“Um,” Paisley began. Her expression was thoughtful. “I don’t know. My mom never really took me anywhere.”
I watched Paisley’s face closely. She looked sad, but there was more behind her eyes. She almost looked disappointed. It occurred to me that Paisley and I may have had more in common than I thought. The way she mentioned her mother reminded me of the way I always talked about my dad. She seemed disappointed with Claire, almost angry at her.
I wanted to ask her about it, but I knew it wasn’t the time. Paisley would have to open up to me in her own time. Still, I felt an odd sense of comfort wash over me. Claire wasn’t the perfect mother, that much I’d always known, but I spent a lot of time convincing myself Claire was better for Paisley than I would ever be. For the first time, I didn’t know if that was true.
A soft knock on the door pulled me away from my thoughts. I started to stand, but Paisley was faster. She jumped up from the kitchen table and ran to the front door. I grinned at the sight. I knew she really like Tara, but it was still amazing to see her get excited.
“Good morning,” Tara said as she stepped inside. She smiled at Paisley and then at me. I waved her over.
“We’re just finishing up breakfast,” I said. “You hungry?”
“No,” she shook her head. “I ate.”
“Coffee?” I offered.
“Sure,” Tara smiled. “Thanks.”
I moved to the counter and poured her a cup. I’d seen her drink coffee at the office so I knew she took it black. When I handed it to her, I gestured for her to sit down. She sat down with a grateful smile.
“So,” I said. “Paisley and I were just discussing what to do today.”
“Yeah,” Paisley said. “But we have no ideas.”
“Actually,” I said. “I think I do.”
Paisley looked at me with surprise. I grinned at her and turned my attention to Tara.
“Arizona Museum of Natural Science,” I said with a flourish. “What do you think?”
“Sounds fun,” Tara nodded. “Paisley?”
“Sure,” Paisley said. She didn’t muster up a smile, but I could tell she was excited.
I smiled and told Paisley to finish her breakfast so we could leave. She gulped down her food faster than I’d ever seen her. Before Tara was able to finish her coffee, Paisley was up. She walked over and stood by the door. She didn’t say anything, but she watched Tara and I expectantly.
“I think she’s ready to go.” Tara laughed.
“What gave you that idea?” I said. I took Tara’s coffee mug and rinsed it out in the sink. After a quick clean up, I ushered the girls out of the house and locked the door behind us.
***
By the time we made it to the museum, Paisley vibrated with energy. We went inside, and she looked around with wide eyes. She took in the exhibits around her with more interest than I’d ever seen her show. When we reached the butterfly exhibit, she smiled. In all the weeks that we’d spent together, I had never seen her smile. Not once. Not until that moment. I was so happy I almost cried.
“She loves it,” Tara whispered to me softly. We stood together and watched Paisley dance around the exhibit. Butterflies landed on her arms and her head. She giggled and tried to catch them, but they fluttered away.
“I could watch her all day,” I said with a small laugh. “She looks so happy.”
“She is,” Tara said. “You did a great job. This was an amazing idea.”
“I’m glad you’re here,” I said, turning to face her. “It wouldn’t be the same if you weren’t.”
Tara just smiled back. We continued watching Paisley until she got her fill and wanted to see more. After a few hours, we stopped for lunch. Paisley once again ate quickly before dragging us away.
“There’s more to see!” she said with excitement.
Paisley ran ahead, too impatient to wait for Tara and me. I shook my head and laughed as I watched her go.