I kept calling her, but she never answered. And the one time the call did go through, it was Tammy with a few choice words on where I could stick my dick.
It was all pretty soul-crushing. I couldn’t call Wenton. These matters were over his head, and the news of Caitlyn leaving would surely kill him. Since I had a sparring match already on the books with Lucas, I decided to raise the white flag.
“Can we cancel tonight’s workout?” I asked with my heart dragging behind me.
“Wow, what happened to you?”
“I need advice.”
“Okay, let’s hit the pub and hash this out. I can kick your ass another day, seems like someone has already done a fair job of it already.”
We drank more scotch than we should have, and by the time Lucas was firing out his ideas to get Caitlyn back, we were both really drunk.
“Okay, I think I got it. It’s really hard for women to turn down men when they come in riding on a white horse, professing their undying love and devotion,” Lucas slurred.
“What? You want me to buy a white horse? That seems a little over the top.”
“No, not a real horse, idiot!” he chided.
“Well a fake one sounds more stupid,” I fought back.
“Remember that scene in Say Anything where Andrew McCarthy shows up with a boom box and plays Peter Gabriel’s ‘In Your Eyes?’ It was the song they made-up fucked to, remember?”
“Kind of, that’s a pretty old chick flick.” I was suddenly very discouraged. That was all he had for me?
“But that scene, that’s a famous fucking scene, more famous than the movie,” he encouraged.
“The movie was shit.” I hated that film, probably because I felt like the embezzling father on occasion.
I never stole money, but I stole other stuff. Hearts mostly.
“But you gotta pull a ‘Say Anything’ man.” He was bro’ing out on me, but I got his point, and it gave me an idea.
“I think you might be onto something,” I conceded and Lucas thumped his chest.
We finished our drinks and Robert took our drunk asses home.
The next day, I had a raging hangover, but I was pumped. I would pitch Caitlyn’s animated series at the Friday pitch meeting then head out of work early to put “Project Prince Charming” into place.
The pitch went well, most of the executives loved the idea, and a few had biases about the subject matter. Since I was the president of the company, I figured I would get my way as long as I had a majority, which I did. I would just whittle down the rest. By four o’clock, I was out of the office and had Project Prince Charming in play. I got Robert up to speed and he drove me to an antique car dealership where I bought an old model white Mustang convertible. I made sure the muffler made lots of noise.
By six, I was at the top of Caitlyn’s street, ready to make my move. I had also bought a portable AV speaker system, which I plugged into the car’s cigarette port. Small but very loud, I cranked them up as high as they would go. I was pretty sure I’d blast them out, but who cared, I could afford a thousand speakers. Getting Caitlyn to at least talk to me was worth all the money in the world.
I had to admit, I was extremely nervous, but I was ready for this. I got my microphone, did a vocal warm up — even though it was useless — and waved Robert on. He drove slowly down Caitlyn’s street with me standing in the backseat of the convertible, microphone in hand, Abba’s “Take a Chance on Me” blasting at ear-shattering decibels as I sang along.
The sleepy little boulevard came alive with curiosity, and a fair bit of annoyance as most of the elderly people came out onto their porches and flipped me off.
Little kids came out and cheered us on as I rode down the street singing my best, which was still remarkably bad. We passed Caitlyn’s house, and there was nothing. My heart sank. Was she even home? Her beater car was there, and I could see a figure in the window. It didn’t look like Caitlyn, maybe Tammy? Oh god, her whole posse was most likely there. Her friends usually flocked to her whenever she was in need. I looked at Robert, defeated.
“Now what?” I was near tears.
He stopped the car. “Are you holding on tightly back there? I don’t want accidental manslaughter on my record.”
“What are you proposing?” I was excited and just a little bit nervous.
“I say we keep at this and go around the block until she comes out of her house,” he suggested.
“Same song over and over?”
He nodded and I nodded back. She would have to come out of her house, to shut me up if anything.
“I’m in, let’s do it!” I geared up for the song again, preparing to belt it out as many times as it took.
Which apparently was six. Six damn times of making a total ass of myself for Caitlyn, Tammy, and Ricky to open the door.
Caitlyn tried to look unaffected but I could tell she was a little bit impressed. Robert stopped, and I picked up an enormous bouquet of flowers, bigger than any wedding, funeral, or Quincea?era had ever seen. Robert then slowly drove into Caitlyn’s driveway, and I took up the mic again.
“Will you take a chance on me? Even if I’m not perfect and I really fucked things up?” By this point, the entire neighborhood was out of their houses and watching us. And dammit, phone cameras were rolling too. Looked like the entire world would get to witness my lovestruck capitulation.
Caitlyn remained serious. “We need to talk,”
It was better than a “no.” There were some cheers from around the block as I got out of the car and followed Caitlyn into the house with flowers in hand. She hadn’t accepted the flowers and looked sad when she turned to face me in the living room, which was warm and familiar. Just being there crushed my heart. Tammy and Ricky sat on either side of her, and I sat in the seat across from them. They were my judge and jury.
“I don’t think I even want to know what happened, KP. I saw what I saw. I tried to call you and let you know I was coming.” Her eyes teared up. “The school had moved up my registration date, so I thought I would stop by since—”
“You shouldn’t have to explain yourself,” Tammy said. If looks could kill, her face would have already murdered me.
I faced them with all the honesty and sincerity I had in me.
“Rachel was a woman I’d been sleeping with when I met you. She wasn’t the only woman I’d been sleeping with, but she was the one I saw regularly. When I first met you, Caitlyn, I had hoped to have a similar kind of arrangement with you.”
“Get out!” Tammy stood up and came at me.
I stood to meet her, “Just, please, hear me out.”
This was enough for Tammy to sit down, but my death was still probably imminent.
I took a long breath. “When you didn’t take me up on my offer, I made a bet with her that I would remain celibate until I could…” I trailed off, not needing to say it.
Caitlyn had the same catatonic stare she wore when her grandmother died.
Tammy pointed a finger at me, and I could tell she wished it was a gun. “Well, congratulations, you won. Now leave, you motherfuckering piece of shit scum of the Earth.”