“I remember,” she said, cutting me off. “The King burned him alive in the middle of the marketplace. Tristan tried to stop him, but…” She lifted a hand to her mouth, and I knew she was both seeing the atrocity and the moment when Tristan had decided to end his father and everyone like him. The moment he’d put on the mask of the contemptuous, half-blood-hating prince in order to protect a plot that, if it succeeded, would change Trollus forever.
“I would’ve helped,” she said, and the regret in her voice was like a knife to my gut. Her whole life had been spent with her father and grandmother whispering in her ear that she was useless – valueless – because of her affliction. Because her magic was weak. Because she didn’t have skills they considered of any use. Now she’d discovered that as much as her sister and her friends might care for her, we thought the same. Because those were the precise reasons we’d kept her in the dark about our plans. That our motivation was to keep her safe didn’t make it any better – we’d still considered her a liability because of her weaknesses. Which, given that we were fighting for an ideology arguing the exact opposite, made us the worst sort of hypocrites.
And we’d also been wrong.
None of us, not even Ana?s, had been brave enough to try to infiltrate one of Angoulême’s covert meetings, but Pénélope had done it. And now we not only knew the depth of his suspicions and the identity of some of his co-conspirators, but we also knew his first plan of attack. That was no small thing.
“We… I was so concerned for keeping you safe that I never stopped to think that doing so would result in more harm than good.”
Her expression didn’t change.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “It was wrong of us. Of me.”
She lifted her face, eyes searching mine for a heartbeat before her lids closed. “No. My finding out was the mistake. He has reason to question me. If I go home now, in this state, he’ll–”
“You don’t have to go,” I blurted out before I’d thought through what her staying meant. My mother was home and my father would be shortly, and if either of them caught me with Pénélope, they’d have her escorted back to her father in an instant. And I’d never hear the end of it. “Or I can track down Ana?s,” I offered. “Or have one of the maids help you clean up. Or–”
“I’ll stay,” she said. “I want to stay. With you.”
She wanted to stay. With me.
Every lamp in the room flared bright with the flux of my magic, then winked out as I jerked it back under control.
“If that’s all right with you,” she stammered in the darkness.
No. Yes. “Of course.”
She mercifully climbed to her feet, the faintest ball of light appearing above her head. “Do you have something dry that I can wear?”
“Dry?” Why did I sound like such an idiot? “I mean, of course.” Diving into my closet, I dug out a shirt and a pair of trousers that were too small for me. “Here.”
She took the garments. Then she turned around. “Will you help me with the buttons?”
Buttons? I gaped at the back of her sodden dress, then began fumbling with the tiny pearls, my fingers shaking. Her back was cool as I descended down her spine, the release of each button revealing another inch of her smooth skin, until I reached her equally damp shift, which clung to every curve. I took hold of the last button, and as it released, the gown slipped over her hips to pool on the ground around her feet.
I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t move. Couldn’t wrap my head around the notion that the girl I’d loved for as long as I could remember was standing all but naked in front of me. Then she reached back and caught hold of my hand, pulling it forward so that my arm wrapped around her waist, her fingers laced with mine.
A cool draft came through the open window, and she shivered, her magic too depleted to keep her warm.
So I did it for her.
Steam rose from her shift and, afraid I might burn her, I coated her skin with magic as the air filled with mist. It was like touching her, but not, the distance it created both unwelcome and comforting, because I wanted more but was afraid to take that step. I didn’t know if she wanted me to.
Then she sighed softly, and there was something in the tone of it that answered my unspoken question.
“Are you sure?” I said into her hair, knowing that this would make our situation more complicated. That it might very well make it worse.
“Very sure.”
Was I? Since I’d been old enough to care about such things, I wanted this. With her. Always her, and none other. But now that the moment was upon me, I found myself shying away, because I wasn’t sure I was ready, or even capable, of shedding all the shadows from within which I hid. She was talented and kind and lovely and clever, and I was…
“I didn’t know,” I said, and my voice was hoarse. “I wasn’t sure about how you felt. Whether you were with me because you–” I broke off. “I thought maybe it was only because you had to be.”
She turned in my arms, then stood up on her tiptoes and kissed me. Not a chaste brush of the lips like the last time, but soft and deep, her tongue touching mine, making me groan. She broke away, and whispered, “I love you. I’ve always loved you. Always wanted to be with you. But I never thought I’d get the chance. And then when I did, he twisted it and–” Her breath hitched, choking her off.
“I know.” Their motivations might have been better, but Tristan and Ana?s had done the same to me. Both of them knew I cared about Pénélope, but neither of them had hesitated to use those feelings. Or seemed to care how much it would cost me. “I want to be with you, Pénélope. I need you to know that. And if being with me is what you want, then I’m willing to fight to make it happen.”
One tear trickled down her cheek, but she nodded. “They’ve taken so much from us, but this, this, is ours. Our choice. Our right.”
“They’ll try to use it against us,” I said, kissing away the tear.
“I know.” She stood on her toes to press her lips against mine again, tangling her fingers in my hair and pulling me against her. “But we don’t have to let them.”
Chapter Fourteen
Pénélope
Not long after dawn, I walked back through the quiet streets to my home, finding it remarkable that everything around me could be unchanged when I felt like an entirely different person. Images and sensations danced through my thoughts, whispered words and touches that I’d dreamed of – and longed for – but never hoped to experience outside the confines of my imagination.
But I had.
Now, all I wanted to do was to trail after that lone stream of sunlight tracking across Trollus with a canvas and my paints, and in the warmth of its glow, attempt to capture the perfection of that moment, lest it never happen again.