When he turned to his assistant to discuss a new pose, or possibly how they could make Dade appear less awkward, Dade pulled Clarissa closer to whisper in her ear. “We keep putting this conversation off, and it’s obvious we can’t anymore.”
Clarissa let out a soft hiccup sound, as if she found him both ridiculous and adorable in one. “How do you propose to break our engagement now? It’s not officially a day old.”
“You keep reassuring me that we’ll take care of it before this goes too far.” He felt a little desperate. It was inevitable now. He couldn’t pretend it wasn’t happening. “You don’t think this is too far? Because I think we’ve stepped over the line.”
She gave him a sidelong look. “You knew we couldn’t negotiate the contracts forever. They were going to eventually agree to the terms, and then we’d have to announce the engagement. This was the natural progression of things.”
Dade scowled. She was being deliberately indifferent, and he didn’t know why. It should have never come to this. They shouldn’t have let themselves be bullied into this relationship in the first place. Once the momentum of their parents’ schemes caught, it became too complicated to untangle.
“You promised we’d take care of it by now,” he said.
“No, I said we’d figure it out.”
He let out a surprised whoosh of air, and his eyebrows shot up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“They’re not going to let us out of this easily,” she said dryly. “Especially now that they’re making it public.”
“Which is why we should have stopped it months ago.”
“How do you propose we could have done that? Our hands were tied then just as much as they are now.” As she’d spoken, Clarissa’s shoulder’s tightened, and she’d leaned into his space. When he didn’t back down, she let out a sigh, her body deflating in frustration. “You’re not looking at this logically. We should consider going forward with the wedding. At the very least, ending our engagement right now is wrong for us in the long run. We work better as a team.”
The suggestion startled him. He’d assumed she was with him on this. After all, they’d spoken about it nonstop since the idea of their marriage had been presented by their parents as a way to unify their families, and thus their businesses. But now as he thought back over those conversations, he realized he had been obsessed about fixing the situation while she’d been silent.
So yes, it was disconcerting that she’d want to continue with the farce, yet he should have realized she’d intended this all along. Clarissa was an expert at manipulating circumstances to best fit her. She’d simply postponed dealing with it. That should have been his first clue.
It wasn’t like they’d ever been a romantic item, or would ever be. They didn’t like each other that way. They were friends now and always, but they’d never be lovers. He cared for Clarissa. Still, under no circumstances did he want to marry her. He made a face at that, a half squint, half wince, while struggling to figure out her angle.
“Thanks,” she said, a tinge of hurt in her voice. “I’m not a hideous ogre, you know.”
“Sorry.” Dade wiped the wince off his face. His intention hadn’t been to hurt her feelings.
“It’s okay. I know it’s not personal.” Her face softened, and she added in a placating tone, “Besides, you know it’s not real. It’s not like I’d expect you to be faithful.”
“Then why get married in the first place?” It was the same question he’d asked ever since he’d first been forced to sit in on the contract negotiations. All the other relationships in his life—including the one with his parents—demanded something from him. The only exception was his friendship with Saben. Even his relationship with Clarissa had a sort of symbiosis that required him to keep their dynamic in place. When he married, he wanted it to be a real relationship. Based on the simple pleasure of being with the other person.
“You know why,” Clarissa said, apparently determined to make him see sense. “We’d get independence, and more important, it would provide the opportunity to make a play for power. If we ever want to stop living under our parents’ thumbs, we have to control things. I don’t know about you, but all I’ve ever wanted was the ability to make my own decisions.”
He wanted that too, but clearly they didn’t see eye to eye on how to make that happen. Committing his life to her didn’t seem like freedom. “I don’t see how marriage will solve that problem. We’re only allowing them to continue to treat us like we’re chattel. I am worth more than that, and so are you.”
“We could make it work for us.” She shrugged as though what she suggested weren’t life altering. “If I have to marry anyone to get what I want, I’d choose you for a partner. I trust you the most.”
That flattered him, yet there was no talk about love. Not that he expected her to reciprocate feelings he didn’t have. At the very least, he deserved to be with someone who cared about him romantically.
From the beginning, she’d been so much better at pretending this engagement was real. She hadn’t batted an eye when it had been suggested. When the gossip cams had hounded them, she leaned on him and smiled for pictures as if it had been the most natural thing in the world. What she asked for was a lifetime of that, or at least several years until they could extract themselves from their parents’ preordered destiny. Dade wasn’t so sure that would be possible, though. No matter how many plans they set into motion, anyone who went against the Solizen power would lose.
“Even if you don’t agree, now is not the time to call it off,” Clarissa said.
“I know.”
“No, I don’t think you do.” She tilted her head to the side and studied him. “Your father would be much more interested in how you spend your time if he thought you weren’t with me when you disappear.”
He couldn’t help a quick intake of breath at her very pointed observation. It hit him like a punch in the gut. How had she known? Had she had him followed? Knowing Clarissa, she probably had.
He recovered and nodded, understanding that lying was futile, yet still making an attempt to play it off. “What are you implying?”
She gave him a patronizing stare. “I’ve known you my whole life. I know when you’re up to things. Keeping secrets from me isn’t in your best interest. I can’t help you if you don’t trust me.”
“I do trust you.” He pulled her in for a long hug. “What I’m involved in right now, you can’t have anything to do with. It’s too risky.”
She slowly nodded. “Okay, I’ll let it go for now. It’s just that I worry about you.”
“I’ll be fine.” He squeezed her to emphasize that point, then kissed her forehead in silent thanks for caring for him and always having his back.
He heard the click-click-click of the camera’s shutter catching the moment and making him freeze.
“Yes, that is exactly what I want,” the photographer cheered.