Her chin began to quiver, and he pulled her into his lap, hugging her so hard it almost crushed her. He held her so tightly, it was as if there was no end to him or beginning of her. “You deserve everything.”
It wasn’t until he said those words that she realized that’s what it was. That she’d convinced herself that her relationship with Steven was enough. That what she had with him was love. That she’d convinced herself she wasn’t capable of more. Wasn’t worthy of more.
Tristan’s voice was harsh, almost jagged, as he whispered forcefully in her ear. “You deserve everything. Do you hear me?”
She nodded, crying in his arms, sobbing so hard, because for some reason, for the first time in her life, she believed it. She deserved a deep-seated love. The soul crushing kind she always dreamed about. And she deserved friendship at the same time, because she was worthy of all of it. He climbed with her back into bed a while later, where he held her in his arms, stroking her back softly with his fingertips. Eventually she fell asleep, for the first time in her adult life, feeling whole.
23
Chapter Twenty-three
The next afternoon, Samantha turned toward the window of the Mustang, letting the warm breeze blow over her hair and face. Last night had been an emotional roller coaster. Between finding out about Renee’s parents, and Tristan holding her in bed all night, her body, mind, and soul were completely spent.
Feelings she didn’t even know existed were ripped off her, like layers shed from an onion—things she’d buried so deep she didn’t even know they existed. Yet somehow, Tristan knew they were there—and somehow, she didn’t want to hide them from him any longer.
It was an odd feeling, because in the past any shortcoming would be brushed under the table. She didn’t like others to see her flaws, her failures, her fears—yet it didn’t seem as scary sharing them with Tristan. Maybe because he wasn’t one to strive for perfection. Or maybe because the way he looked at her made her feel like all her imperfections were what he liked most about her.
They’d enjoyed the morning lounging in bed, making love, and eating breakfast brought to them on silver platters: pancakes, fruit, and lots of sticky syrup that she thoroughly enjoyed licking from his fingers.
Even though they didn’t talk about it, the wedding was looming over them, pushing them forward, rushing them through their time together, and by 10:00 a.m. they were packed up, back in the car, and ready for the last leg of their journey.
She looked over at him now, to his handsome face and his hands braced on either side of the steering wheel. His aviator glasses were shading his face, his lips serious, set in a straight line, but he was beautiful. And not just because of his outside. He was beautiful on the inside too.
Last night he’d laid himself out there, letting her see the little boy who lived inside him, hurt and broken by his father who he’d always idolized. Then about his jealous heart, that prevented them from being together all those years ago. But somehow, that was all over now. They’d overcome it.
“We finally made it,” she said softly, though she didn’t mean it just about the trip. It was said about so much more.
He glanced over at her, cracking one of his panty dropping smiles, and tilted his head down toward the GPS. “We should be there in an hour. Are you ready?”
She grinned. “That depends.”
“On what?” he asked flirtatiously.
“On what you’re asking I’m ready for.” She raised her brows. “Because if you’re asking if I’m ready to try on my bridesmaids dress, the answer is no. I sent the measurements three months ago, and I think I’ve eaten more burgers and fries in the last four days than I have in the past year.”
“Well that’s a shame,” he said, with a serious frown. “Because burgers and fries are one of God’s greatest gifts.”
Her grin widened. “But if you’re asking if I’m ready to see Renee and get out of this car, then the answer is a big fat one hundred percent yes.” She leaned forward in her seat, fetched the last stick of gum from her purse and split it in half. “How about you?” she asked, placing one half in his mouth, and the other in hers.
He nodded in thank, but shrugged.
“You’re worried about your parents aren’t you?” she asked quietly.
He shrugged again, then sped up to move around the car ahead of them. “Do you still not want to tell Renee?”
She bit her bottom lip and turned toward the window, knowing full well what he was asking her, and raked her upper teeth over the skin. “I think it’s best, don’t you?”
He was quiet for a moment, forcing her to look back over again, but he didn’t answer.
“Last I spoke to Renee,” she began, “I was still with Steven. How can I tell her only days later that I…” But she trailed off, because what she really wanted to say was something she wasn’t quite ready to. That after last night, she could feel herself falling for him, so hard and fast it scared the crap out of her.
He took his glasses from his face and placed them on the dashboard. “I understand.”
She pulled her legs up in her seat and got up on her knees to face him. “I don’t think you do. Because if we say something now, this thing between us would be out there for everyone to judge. It won’t be just ours anymore. It will be your mother’s, your father’s, Renee’s. It’s probably selfish of me, but I don’t want to share this. I don’t want to share us. I want you to myself. I also want Renee to have her wedding, and I want no one to talk about the girl who just broke out of a six year long relationship and is already falling for another man.”
He remained quiet for a good five seconds, his lip lifting in a smile as he turned to look at her. “You’re falling for me?”
The way he said it, with a shy hesitation, made her breath catch in her throat. It was innocent, and sincere, and so utterly sexy. She laughed a little, tears blurring her vision. “Hard.”
He reached out, grabbed the back of her neck, and pulled her toward him. “Good.” He gave her a quick kiss, then let her go.
She settled down in the seat and burrowed into his shoulder. In less than an hour they would be at the hotel. In less than an hour, she couldn’t sit this close to him anymore. He wrapped his arm around her, and she moved as close as she possibly could. Until then, she would enjoy this. Until then, she would take all of him she could get.